JW Youths - Living "Double Lives"

by BBOARD 15 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  BBOARD

  I grew up around VERY HYPOCRITICAL JW YOUTH. Many of whom I now know at 20 were NEVER living up to the lie they put out ... STUPID me I WAS. Here I stand now because of it - I am sure most of you here being Ex-JW's know this very familiar situation. So I wrote this myself right now for me and you...:

  - Subsitute "Johnny" for "Jessica" (or something) if a person you can relate to was female.

  "Johnny" is the model JW in the hall. He may even be the elder's son. Which as we all know gives him EXTRA immunity (usually). He comments at every meeting. He goes out in serivce regulary. He is "HAPPY TO BE A JW". Why?

  Of course there is more ."Johnny" is accepted by the JW Youth Clique (TM) They like him KNOW that this cult is a sham. So they live their life. Often to a much more wild extent than world youth (though this is NEVER spoken of across the KH platform)

  BTW: This is where although being f'ing hypocrities they are 10000000X smarter than those JW youth that got duped/brainwashed into beliving that you should follow the Watchtower/Jehovah during your youth.

  All the while, uknown to the often strict JW Parents (and other members of the KH), perfect "Johnny" is living a hardcore double life. That's right people. Probably the only reason Johnny is sooo confident, self assured, ambitious, and happy all the part time he is around JW''s and KH because he doing his own thing on the side full time. Chances are, like many "worldy youth", "Johnny" is already having sex, and/or drinking, and/or parting, and/or you-fill-in-the-blank. He CERTAINLY isnt shy around girls ... and by proxy is NEVER self concious around other JW's - but still has the common sense to play "nice guy" around the older JW women. BRILLIANT. Being "nice guy" around JW women gets you browine points 100% of the time. So OF COURSE it is no thing to show up for a couple of hours and pretend to be something else - espically when the reward (accpetance and/or admiration from other JW's without shunning) is so good.

  Meanwhile good, often nerdy due to a restriction from other activities deemed "too wordly" boy "Wizard" is ACTUALLY doing and living his youth towing the line the way the Watchtowe and GB tell him. He lives by the book 100% ... well not always. But when he fails he often blames himself. The JW cult by design, since he is socially awkward, breaks him. He spirals into a broken young man (or 20 something). As we all know whining, lack of confidence, deperation, and a always-serious attidue is a SUREFIRE repellant for females. If he doesnt do something fast he might end up like another one of the VERY REPRESSED 40 year old virgin guys in the Kingdom Halls (sadly they exist - there used to be one in my hall). Hopefully he sees its all a cult and gets out ... but how to make up for lost years?

  So guys and girls ... what's you take on my take?
• 

  XJW4EVR

  "Johnny" is the model JW in the hall.

  That was me.

  He may even be the elder's son.

  Me, again.

  Which as we all know gives him EXTRA immunity (usually).

  When my double life was revealed, my father threw me to the elders. I was privately reproved and publicly reproved. I should have gotten myself DF'd after the 2nd JC.

  He comments at every meeting. He goes out in serivce regulary. He is "HAPPY TO BE A JW". Why?

  In my case, I stayed in because I was a minor, and literally had no where else to go. All my friends and family were J-Dubs, and we all led double lives. I would guess that this is the case with most J-Dub teens, so don't be too hard on them.

  Of course there is more ."Johnny" is accepted by the JW Youth Clique (TM) They like him KNOW that this cult is a sham. So they live their life. Often to a much more wild extent than world youth (though this is NEVER spoken of across the KH platform)

  The reason why was simple, we all had dirt on each other. The only two "real" Dub youth were two girls that I, and the others thought were closet lovers.

  All the while, uknown to the often strict JW Parents (and other members of the KH), perfect "Johnny" is living a hardcore double life. That's right people. Probably the only reason Johnny is sooo confident, self assured, ambitious, and happy all the part time he is around JW''s and KH because he doing his own thing on the side full time. Chances are, like many "worldy youth", "Johnny" is already having sex, and/or drinking, and/or parting, and/or you-fill-in-the-blank. He CERTAINLY isnt shy around girls ... and by proxy is NEVER self concious around other JW's - but still has the common sense to play "nice guy" around the older JW women. BRILLIANT. Being "nice guy" around JW women gets you browine points 100% of the time. So OF COURSE it is no thing to show up for a couple of hours and pretend to be something else - espically when the reward (accpetance and/or admiration from other JW's without shunning) is so good.

  This is the problem with works based "christianity." It allows you to do the minimum, and still keep your conscience clear even though you are living a morally deplorable life on the outside.

  Meanwhile good, often nerdy due to a restriction from other activities deemed "too wordly" boy "Wizard" is ACTUALLY doing and living his youth towing the line the way the Watchtowe and GB tell him. He lives by the book 100% ... well not always. But when he fails he often blames himself. The JW cult by design, since he is socially awkward, breaks him. He spirals into a broken young man (or 20 something). As we all know whining, lack of confidence, deperation, and a always-serious attidue is a SUREFIRE repellant for females. If he doesnt do something fast he might end up like another one of the VERY REPRESSED 40 year old virgin guys in the Kingdom Halls (sadly they exist - there used to be one in my hall). Hopefully he sees its all a cult and gets out ... but how to make up for lost years?

  My best friend growing up was like this. Even though he had sex with a "worldly" girl (whom he eventually married, and is an unbaptized associate) he is a very repressed person. He has difficulty opening himself up to her out of fear that the secrets in his heart will be exposed. This I think is one of the greatest fears any married person would have because you can;t be honest with the person that you are supposed to be honest with. The Borg takes priority over every relationship that a person has. My ex wen to the elders to inform them that I had become a Christian and had gotten baptized at that church.

  Sadly, you have described the youth scene in the average KH to a tee.
• 

  justhuman

  This is one of the major problems of the JW youth. Most of them they are living double life. In our ex-jw web side www.oodegr.com. It is the best greek ex-jw web side, focusing on Christian Orthodox faith, and the Apostolic Succesion of the Early Church.

  We get frequent emails from "wordly"people that they are having an affair with a JW. At least we have 4-5 cases every month!!! From this emails we know that most of the JW's are doing what the rest of the youths do. Most amazingly is that some they are elders children!!!

  Here are some of my personal experience regarding JW's living double life. Not all the cases are from the email that we are having.

  1.JW she is having an affair with wordly person, becomes pregrant at the age of 16!!! Then she gets married with the class made, and the boy at 19 gets baptized as a JW

  2. Another JW girl makes abortion at the age of 17

  3.A wealthy JW playboy son of a prominant elder haves a secret affair with a wordly girl. When she becomes pregrant and the story is uncovered they get married. But no discipline measures were taken by the elders. It seems daddy's money and possition save his ass.

  4. A JW girl she as having an affair with wordly person gets caught and disfellowshiped. Then she is reinstated after a year

  5. Another JW girl she is having an affair with a wordly guy but she gets away with it since her dad is an elder

  This are just a few examples of JW youth living a double life. Even when I was young back in the mid 80's and 90's I still recall that most of my JW friends they were having a double life, and most of them they were elders children
• 

  justhuman

  Hey XJW4EVER, man we had a lot in common.

  My ex-wife also turned me in for apostasy to the elders 2 times. The first it was 8 years ago and I got way with it, pleddging loyalty to the Org. Then again she turned me in 2 years ago again for apostasy when she found that I was writting some articles in the ex-jw web side. At that time I didn't felt to continue being part at the WT circus. The most amazingly is she still thinks that I was carried way by apostates....

  You are correct about the fact being married with a JW you cannot have a real love or relation. Everything is controled by the WT society. You CANNOT open your heart to your mate. You are afraid that it might not be "approved" by the WT. and indeed it dragic to see how can WT controls every single aspect of your life. I don't believe that there are real relation in the WT world.

  As for my self after she turned me and I was disfellowshiped, a few months later, I got baptized in the Orthodox Church in the Name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit
• 

  monophonic

  i was an elder's son, but the crew i hung with were crazy and i was the least of all b/c i was scared when they'd steal and do other stuff.

  though for a good 18 months as a teen i drank and smoked some pot and partied with worldly girls and our anger was used to smash up school property, etc.

  friends who i grew up with who were witnesses have killed themselves. one murdered someone and killed himself in prison.

  if i didn't have that little release of pressure, i might be dead as well.

  re: immunity, it was the exact opposite for me. i was in front of the elders for everything. watch a rated-r movie=elders. swearing=elders. my dad got off on it. the power drunk janitors got off on it. my dad being an elder was probably the worse thing ever and anytime we got in trouble, i was blamed b/c i was the elder's son. i had no control over that, but the label was there.

  now i have complete control and the wtbts and elders hold no power over me. it took me years, even after fading out to get to that place. it's a good place to be.
• 

  Redbeard

  Hello there!
  
  Well, I am quite familiar with the situation, as I lived that way myself, although I still believed. But as soon as I realized what a big pile of bullshit my life was, and especially when I found the truth about the ‘truth’, I knew I had to get out of it. But as you all know, it is a long and exhausting process, and after years I am still not finished, though I have gotten over the hardest part – to learn how to be cynic about family and friends that will never see you again. Since I am a mariner and on the sea much of the time, being hard comes naturally. So I guess that is a blessing.
  
  And one thing I do not understand is why so many of those living a double life never get on and get a decent life outside of the cult. MANY of them must have serious doubts, right?
  
  I know that when you are inside, you are alone with your thoughts and it is dangerous to express any concerns or doubts about the Society (I sincerely hate the capital letter).
  But – when I first started fading, many of my bad-ass-dub friends knew very well what I was doing, so it would have been quite safe to be honest and talk to me about their doubts, if I was leaving anyway, right?
  
  But they did not – instead they just did all they could to talk me out of it and all of a sudden showed a kind of newfound born-again-christian love and devotion for the Society. And when I eventually fell into a spiritual ‘relapse’ because of the pressure from the people I loved, they – along with myself – went on with their wild double life, openly being hypocrites and disobeying all the laws, even boasting about it in the KH after the meeting!
  
  WHY? They are not even being honest to themselves – and the way I see it, a double life can never be a decent and happy life, but will remain an unsolvable conflict until the day you die.
  
  Do they not have doubts? Do they not desire freedom above all, as they time and time again run their head against the walls of the cult and realize that elders and the Watchtower law codes are in charge of their lives and occasionally slam down hard on them when their ‘sins’ are uncovered.
  
  They must have doubts, they can not be stupid. It is so obvious that something is wrong, even when you believe. I have heard that from so many formerly strong believers now.
  
  This is sort of my point:
  I can understand why some choose to stay, if they at a high age finds the truth about the truth, as it must be extra hard to get out of it if you have wife and kids in it.
  But when you are young, you have quite a fair chance to go out and get a clean start and a family away from the hell inside of the organization.
  
  When I have hard times fading, I think about the kids I know I want in the future, and they must not grow up in the same shit I did, and have to go through the same hell I did. It would then be a circle with no end. I must break the circle! This is where it ends. It is not in question that the circle must brake before the next generation.
  
  I just don’t understand why they don’t do anything. I really feel sorry for them. Maybe the desire for freedom is only that strong, if you – like me – is a rebel by nature?
  
  My best wishes for all of you! :-)
  Redbeard of the Seven Seas.
• 

  Mrs Smith

  I don't blame the youth for living a double life. I know it's the only thing that kept me sane as a JW teen. All my JW friends were doing the same thing at some level. We were drinking and partying hard. We didn't steal or do drugs but there was a lot of sexual "misconduct" going on. It's normal for teens to go through this, it's abnormal for a religion to try and supress what is total natural behaviour for that age group.
• 

  Burger Time

  I was part of the rebellious youth clique that was out right bad. We also crossed paths with the double life elder's kids clique. It was always hilarious to us how revered they were in the hall. One thing I will say for them was that unless the issue was completely forced they never gave us up...of course because we had dirt on them. There was also the clique of good JW's who every despised, I always had respect for them because they were the most like us "bad kids" they did what they felt was right no matter who disliked them. That has always been kind of cool in my book even if you are a square. My hall was also a lot more liberal then it seems the majority was so it was interesting to say the least.

  Talking to my brother it seems that the whole double life thing is becoming more acceptable in unspoken terms. That is it is expected and you don't really get in much trouble, just so long as you make the meetings. Guess the hemorrhaging youth is forcing their hand in this. I am seeing first hand through my brother that the religion is having to force it's self to be more liberal in local halls. Just sucks so many had to live the lie before that could happen.
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  MissingLink

  I was the straight guy, and "Johnny" was one of my best friends. My mom would always say "Why can't you be more like Johnny". I would just smile to myself and think "if she only knew".
• 

  crazyblondeb

  I was the Jessica!! I was the first of many teens to make the elders work for their titles!!

  When I was 16, I ran away for the first time. Told the parents I didn't want to be a JW anymore. I got grounded for life. Then I gave in and got baptised. Big mistake. I snapped a year later.....long story.

  After getting reinstated a couple years later....I missed my sisters and brother, and had a baby......I woke up and realized I couldn't raise my daughter like that!! I HAD to break the circle!!