My experience is the hardest part is sitting through the talk
We are going back to the Kingdom Hall.....
by Escargot 15 Replies latest jw friends
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Farkel
My father died on September 4th and his funeral was on September 9th. He was a JW for decades. There were approximately 75 people at his funeral, and about half were family members who were not JWs. Although my father had known hundreds of JWs in his area over the decades, only about 35 or so bothered to attend his funeral.
I had wanted to say something at my dad's funeral, but was not permitted to do so. While not offering an eulogy in the normally accepted definition of the word, the speaker did spend 5 or 7 minutes talking about what a good and respected man my father was. The rest of the talk was about the resurrection "hope." Since I had expected the whole event to be a sales pitch for the WT religion, I was at least pleased that my dad did have some nice things said about him. I think the WTS has relaxed its rules a bit on what can be said at funerals. There was no mention of the "society" or "free home Bible studies" at all.
We then drove 75 miles north to our family plots to bury my dad and we also had a graveside service. The only two dubs to show up were my sister and her husband. The thirty or so other persons were mostly Mormon relatives. Unfortunately, my brother-in-law dub (known in his congregation as "The Nazi") was picked to speak at the graveside service. That idiot hardly knew my dad, and all he did was re-hash the same information and scriptures about the resurrection "hope" that was said at his funeral. He told an anecdote or two and got the facts wrong, since he had not witnessed the actual events. He was clearly nervous preaching JW doctrine to non-believing strangers.
Then, my dad's youngest brother jumped in unannounced and told some GREAT stories about my dad and his life. The atmosphere in the group totally changed and people smiled as they remembered stories about my dad.
My uncle took all of us to dinner that night and invited one and all to tell stories they remembered from my Dad's life. I said many things, and so did my sister, my dad's sister, my nephews and my cousins. It was positive and truly a memorable experience.
I had to sit next to my dipfuck brother-in-law throughout dinner, though, but at least we were cordial to each other!
My 24-year-old nephew, who was raised by my pioneer/Bethelite/gung-ho dub sister showed up at the wedding with light green hair in a mohawk cut and punk clothes. He was just great! He's one of the smartest young men I've ever known, and we've been out of touch since he was a young boy. At the graveside service (and out of the clear blue) he leaned over to me and whispered, "we've got to somehow destroy this bullshit religion. It ruins people." I nodded and smiled.
Farkel
"When in doubt, duck!"
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Escargot
Thank you all for your thoughts! I will let you know how it goes!
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ashitaka
Maybe you should being a mini tv or a small walkman that you can explain off as a "hearing aid."
ashi
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DB
I have delivered a couple of funeral talks, and Escargot is right: the outline does mention that the deceased is not to be eulogized, but rather, most of the talk should be used to share the 'hope' that is presented in the Bible. Needless to say, such unfeeling funerals have disturbed at least some of the people who have been present at them over the years.
However, I will say one thing positive about Witness officiating at funerals (and weddings as well)...they do not charge money for them. When an in-law of mine did suddenly and tragically, the church official stipulated that $75 was to be paid for performing the service. In my opinion, that charge should have been waived. It's tough enough having to foot the bill for a funeral, but then the grieving are asked to pay up for a church service. That sucks.
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Had Enough
Escargot:
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. She sounds like she was a sincere caring person and I'm glad you've decided to go to say goodbye to her. I surely hope you can feel comfort in having done that, and that the self-righteous ones do not let their attitudes outshine their compassion for those who grieve.
I've seen elders do the humane thing in comforting the mourning family and friends even if they are df'd or da'd and I've also seen JWs act like complete inconsiderate jerks in telling a df'd man he had to leave the hall when refreshments were being served after his fleshly JW sister's funeral. So much for a completely "unified" religion.
I always keep hoping common sense and decency will kick in when JWs are faced with situations where exJWs will be present and I hope this will be one of those times.
Please keep us posted.
Had Enough
"Never doubt that a small group of citizens can change the world.
Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."...Margaret Mead