I've been lurking on this website for quite some time, but haven't quite gotten the strength to post until now. For obvious reasons, I cannot reveal my identity. Although my "family" nows that I am no longer a witness and celebrates holidays, they still have "hope" for me. I grew up as a JW and was baptized at the age of 11. Up until this point, my experience with the religion and my congregation was all good. I was very close to those in my congregation and especially the older elders. Since I didn't see my grandparents often (they were worldly), these older couples were my only grandparents. We moved out of state when I was 13 and that is when the damage started. We moved three or four congregations, trying to find the right one. Every one we went to was cold, unfriendly, judgmental, cliquish, and unwelcoming. I so badly wanted to serve Jehovah and do good... so I took up auxilary pioneering for many years. After all, I was homeschool from third grade on. Actually, after 7th grade I wasn't schooled at all. I devoted all my time to preaching, studying, and meetings. My parents then became inactive and I strived to do it on my own. I cannot tell you the comments I heard from others and things that were told to me by old pioneer sisters and elders. Things such as, I am a burden to give rides to in service and that it's my parent's responsibilities to take me to meetings and assemblies, not the others in the hall. Some of the stuck up elder's daughters started crap with me because they were leading double lives and I exposed it. Rumors were started about me... such as my losing my virginity to a pioneer brother that I liked but never dated at the age of 14! This circulated at the assembly and was found out when someone I didn't know came up and asked me if I was pregnant with so and so's baby. The one that started the rumor was dealt with, but the damage was done. Needless to say... eventually... I found myself giving up and getting into trouble at the age of 16. My savior was meeting a "GOOD" brother that was older than me. We married when I was 17. Of course, according to his family, I brought him down with me. Not long after we married, we began experiencing hard times making it to meetings and in service. We got the dirty looks, the glares, the uncomfortable questioning of "where have you been?" and the hurt feelings of our closest friends cutting off all contact with us... for being IRREGULAR! We switched halls thinking it would be better but it only got worse. After we had our second baby, it was just too emotionally straining to make meetings. We became inactive. Three years later we moved a great distance away and I thought it would be a good idea to try it again. I had just given birth to our third child and started going back to meetings, without my husband. He was too bitter. So there I was... the "SINGLE" mother of THREE coming in late and sitting in the back of the hall. The glares. The looks. The whispers. It was awful. No one came up to me afterwards. I felt like I had done something wrong. You know... getting married before I got knocked up, having three children with the same man, my husband, and trying to serve God once again. I was very wrong. Anyway... I couldn't do it anymore. At that point I gave up completely. Six months later I made the decision to "go all the way" and leave the religion. I didn't want my children to go through everything my husband and I had gone through. The low self esteem of never being good enough, always failing to meet the religions expectations, the family's expectations, the friend's expectations, etc. The confusion. The being left out of social functions because they were always holidays and birthday functions. I celebrated my child's 5th birthday and have never looked back. It has been three years. Today I am working through the issues nicely. I am very interested in religion (all religion) and spirituality. I want to find the "truth" for myself and believe what I feel is right. Unfortunately, my husband is still conflicted. He is bitter and has no interest in going back, but can't quite move beyond that. He says he still believes, but then he says he's confused. He celebrated Thanksgiving and Valentine's day, but nothing else. He smoked for years, cusses, watches rated r movies, and plays violent video games, but yet cannot bring himself to celebrate the day of his child's birth. I have backed off, allowing him to do his thing, but it's frustrating. It doesn't help that he has three generations of family, locally, that are the typical (hypocritical) devote J-Dubs. They push it and push it with him. None of my family are witnesses anymore, thank god. Anyway, I am hoping by being here I can share some frustrations, improvements, ask questions, and relate to others. It's hard to get it out when none of my friends understand... they weren't JWs. They don't understand the jargon and the confusion.... nor the damage. I am currently looking for a support group in my area. Thanx for listening.
My Introduction
by bgurl81 30 Replies latest jw friends
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momzcrazy
Welcome to the nut hosue! My husband has been a fader for 8 yrs or so and still defends the Witnesses. His dad has been out for 30 + yrs and does the same.
I was in your shoes last year, it feels great to not worry about it.
momz
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Open mind
First off, WELCOME!
2nd, you double posted.
Hover over one of the threads you started and click "Edit". Then erase the text and type in "Oops, Double Post" or something like that.
Or.......you can just let them both run and see which one goes longer.
Now, I'll go back and re-read.
Open Mind
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OnTheWayOut
I need to separate it to read it:
I've been lurking on this website for quite some time, but haven't quite gotten the strength to post until now. For obvious reasons, I cannot reveal my identity. Although my "family" nows that I am no longer a witness and celebrates holidays, they still have "hope" for me. I grew up as a JW and was baptized at the age of 11. Up until this point, my experience with the religion and my congregation was all good. I was very close to those in my congregation and especially the older elders. Since I didn't see my grandparents often (they were worldly), these older couples were my only grandparents. We moved out of state when I was 13 and that is when the damage started. We moved three or four congregations, trying to find the right one. Every one we went to was cold, unfriendly, judgmental, cliquish, and unwelcoming. I so badly wanted to serve Jehovah and do good... so I took up auxilary pioneering for many years. After all, I was homeschool from third grade on. Actually, after 7th grade I wasn't schooled at all. I devoted all my time to preaching, studying, and meetings. My parents then became inactive and I strived to do it on my own. I cannot tell you the comments I heard from others and things that were told to me by old pioneer sisters and elders. Things such as, I am a burden to give rides to in service and that it's my parent's responsibilities to take me to meetings and assemblies, not the others in the hall. Some of the stuck up elder's daughters started crap with me because they were leading double lives and I exposed it. Rumors were started about me... such as my losing my virginity to a pioneer brother that I liked but never dated at the age of 14! This circulated at the assembly and was found out when someone I didn't know came up and asked me if I was pregnant with so and so's baby. The one that started the rumor was dealt with, but the damage was done. Needless to say... eventually... I found myself giving up and getting into trouble at the age of 16. My savior was meeting a "GOOD" brother that was older than me. We married when I was 17. Of course, according to his family, I brought him down with me. Not long after we married, we began experiencing hard times making it to meetings and in service. We got the dirty looks, the glares, the uncomfortable questioning of "where have you been?" and the hurt feelings of our closest friends cutting off all contact with us... for being IRREGULAR! We switched halls thinking it would be better but it only got worse. After we had our second baby, it was just too emotionally straining to make meetings. We became inactive. Three years later we moved a great distance away and I thought it would be a good idea to try it again. I had just given birth to our third child and started going back to meetings, without my husband. He was too bitter. So there I was... the "SINGLE" mother of THREE coming in late and sitting in the back of the hall. The glares. The looks. The whispers. It was awful. No one came up to me afterwards. I felt like I had done something wrong. You know... getting married before I got knocked up, having three children with the same man, my husband, and trying to serve God once again. I was very wrong. Anyway... I couldn't do it anymore. At that point I gave up completely. Six months later I made the decision to "go all the way" and leave the religion. I didn't want my children to go through everything my husband and I had gone through. The low self esteem of never being good enough, always failing to meet the religions expectations, the family's expectations, the friend's expectations, etc. The confusion. The being left out of social functions because they were always holidays and birthday functions. I celebrated my child's 5th birthday and have never looked back. It has been three years. Today I am working through the issues nicely. I am very interested in religion (all religion) and spirituality. I want to find the "truth" for myself and believe what I feel is right. Unfortunately, my husband is still conflicted. He is bitter and has no interest in going back, but can't quite move beyond that. He says he still believes, but then he says he's confused. He celebrated Thanksgiving and Valentine's day, but nothing else. He smoked for years, cusses, watches rated r movies, and plays violent video games, but yet cannot bring himself to celebrate the day of his child's birth. I have backed off, allowing him to do his thing, but it's frustrating. It doesn't help that he has three generations of family, locally, that are the typical (hypocritical) devote J-Dubs. They push it and push it with him. None of my family are witnesses anymore, thank god. Anyway, I am hoping by being here I can share some frustrations, improvements, ask questions, and relate to others. It's hard to get it out when none of my friends understand... they weren't JWs. They don't understand the jargon and the confusion.... nor the damage. I am currently looking for a support group in my area. Thanx for listening.
Look here for support. Try meetup.com for ex-JW's also. It's great that you are searching for the real truth. Consider books such as CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE by Ray Franz.
We may not be fully able to steer you to the actual core truth of religion, but we can help you reveal "the lies" of
Watchtower. Well wishes to you, see you on the threads. -
AudeSapere
Hi bgurl81 -
Real nice intro post. Welcome to JWD!! Nice to have you join us.
I'm sure you'll find some good support here.
-Aude.
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Casper
Welcome bgurl81 ...
Goodness you've been thru a lot...
Hope you stay around. You will find plenty of support here.
Cas
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MsMcDucket
Hello and welcome! I get conflicted when I have to give my opinion to a married person. Anyway, I feel that you are on the road to recovery. Hopefully, your husband's mind will open up to the real *light* about the organization. It's tough in the beginning; but it *should* get easier with time.
Hang in there!
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Awakened at Gilead
Hi bg,
I'm pretty new to this site also, since I just decided to leave the falsehood about 2 weeks ago. Up til then I had blindly obeyed the Fictional Slave's order not to "Google" JW's on the web. Best decision I ever made. I just finished reading Crisis of Conscience today, and it did more to build up my faith than years in the org, including going to Bethel and Gilead.
About me... I am in a similar situation to many... My wife is a diehard JW who hates the fact that I took her out of missionary service and can only think of going back. I think that my recent decision has made her realize that she can't go back while she is connected to me.
The people on this board and exJW Meetup have been encouraging. I've spoken via phone to 2 people so far, meeting up with one in person, which helped me to see that if I get DfD, there are plenty of people in this world to talk to.
When my elders asked me where will I go (the typical question), I responded that I didn't know, but I was going to find out. "What if you don't find the truth?" they asked, obviously appalled... I simply replied, that I will enjoy the journey.
Welcome to the world... (that's not so bad if you read John 3:16)
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potleg
Hi bgurl81, Glad your here with us, sorry about the garbage youv'e had to endure from your "loving" bros and sisters. Oh well, you've found a good place here. Great to have you on board.
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garybuss
I was a believing walkaway for 18 years. During that time Witnesses I know didn't snub me. When I started my recovery / discovery phase, the shunning and snubbing started. At first it offended me but now I like it and I expect it to continue. The Witnesses who excluded themselves from my life according to their own wishes, were disagreeable people and I'm much better off without them. They won't be welcome back in this life time.
I have a personal policy to never get bitten by the same dog twice.