Child Custody and Jehovah's WItnesses

by Kismet 23 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  68storm

  Hi Kismet,

  I was hoping to see you this past weekend. Maybe you can make it this weekend.

  I found your article to be better suited in most custody cases involving religious issues except where one spouse happens to be a jw. There is absolutely no middle ground when you are dealing with jw beliefs. Most jws will have no problem with fabricating things in order for the jw parent to get custody of the children. As a matter of fact, the Society has a book available, that instructs the spouse and all other witnesses from the congregation, to lie in court battles. The book is titled "Preparing for child custody cases." It was a tremendous aid in my custody battle. During my discovery (deposition) by my ex's jw lawyer, I was prepared to answer all of his questions effectively having studied the book beforehand.

  I agree with what Alan has stated about Witnesses being reasonable. During our custody dispute, it became apparent that we were not going to resolve anything without a third party getting involved. My lawyer suggested that it might be beneficial to have an arbitrator meet with us. My ex wife attended two sessions with the arbitrator and when it became apparent that he was not in agreement to my son being solely raised as a jw, she did not show up for the third.

  As Alan also stated, it is possible, (Although extremely costly) for the non-jw parent to win custody. The difficult part is finding a lawyer that has had experience with these types of cases. The first lawyer that I hired could not understand why I was so concerned about my ex. He told me that he has a jw secretary and you could not find a nicer person. He basically thought that it was the bitterness I had about the separation that made me paranoid about her religious beliefs. In my search for an effective lawyer, I went through the phone directory and called all of the family lawyers listed, asking if they had any experiences with jws. They said the same thing to me. Religious issues have no bearing on child custody cases. I finally found one that had very limited knowledge of the witnesses. He had represented a male client that took three years to settle. He did get custody of his son but unfortunately had to declare bankruptcy because of the legal costs, along with the emotional stress.

  Custody cases involving Jehovahs Witnesses can be won but they are extremely harmful to your emotional and financial health. You have to be well organized and very resilient. It is not fought on equal terms. I have heard of cases where the Witnesses will assist in hiding the children from the opposer. Also the society will assist the member financially after they exhaust their own funds.

  68storm
• 

  Norm

  Alan’s comments reminded me of a Watchtower article from 1986 where Brooklyn show their true colors when it comes to child custody. If anyone think that a Jehovah's Witnesses parent will be “reasonable” in such a case I am sorry for him.

  As we know Jehovah's Witnesses consider all non JW as “Unchristian wolves” and ”worldly”. Those who belong to “God’s Organization” don’t have to cooperate with such people, if not “strategically” necessary. In relation to court cases where child custody is disputed the Watchtower Society itself identifies the main cause of the unreliable conduct of the individual Jehovah's Witness:

  *** w86 11/1 27 Family Problems Solved by Bible Counsel ***
  “One of the major problems,” states a report from the Watch Tower Society’s branch in Australia, “is that the parent who has gained custody of the child tends to relax . . . Even a parent in the truth can lose sight of the basic reason he or she wanted custody of the children. The primary reason should be to bring them up as true worshipers of Jehovah.”

  As stated by the above quote from the Watchtower the primary objective is that a child MUST become a Jehovah's Witnesses at any cost. This is priority number one and the “basic reason” he or she wanted custody in the first place. Children of Jehovah's Witnesses are first and foremost the property of the Organization. If the Witness parent loses the custody case the Watchtower has the following “counsel”:

  *** w86 11/1 28 Family Problems Solved by Bible Counsel ***
  11 What if it is the Christian parent who has only visitation rights? When the child is no longer in the Christian home, that parent has limited spiritual control over the child.

  As we can see the main objective for a Jehovah's Witnesses parent is to have “spiritual control” over the child. But if they because of the court’s decision have “limited spiritual control” over the child, complete control is the objective as the ultimate goal is to make the child into a faithful Jehovah's Witness. If the “worldly courts” should place “restrictions” on the Jehovah's Witnesses parent the “faithful” should find ways of circumventing them:

  *** w86 11/1 30 Family Problems Solved by Bible Counsel ***
  13 During the visits, endeavor to put the Word of God into the child’s heart by, whenever possible, personally studying spiritual material with him and by taking him to congregation meetings. Even if there are stringent legal restrictions, the parent can informally refer to God’s creative works, and in other ways help the child to love God.

  As we can observe in the quote above, a Jehovah's Witnesses parent placed under ”stringent legal restrictions” must do it’s outmost to sabotage such a court order.
  The ultimate goal is set in stone; the child shall and must become a Jehovah's Witness. The Watchtower also shows us that a Jehovah's Witnesses parent can sabotage visitation rights when they find it necessary:

  *** w86 11/1 28 Family Problems Solved by Bible Counsel ***
  10 In some extreme cases, such visits may pose a serious threat to the child. A parent would have to decide what to do under the circumstances, prayerfully evaluating the severity of the threat, the legal recourse available, and the possible consequences of refusing to honor visitation rights. Avoid rash actions that could put into question your fitness as a parent.

  All attempts to correct or prevent JW religious indoctrination of the child from the non JW parent will of course be perceived as a ”serious threat” to the child and consequently a ”legitimate” reason to violate visitation rights for the non JW parent. Nothing must come in the way of the ultimate goal; your child must become a Jehovah's Witness.

  Being “reasonable”? Who can expect such a thing from a “faithful” Jehovah's Witness?

  Norm
• 

  Kismet

  Thank you for all your comments both here and by email.

  The purpose of my article was four-fold"

  1. Be careful who you support. Just because they share the same belief system or lack thereof does NOT make them the better parent.

  2. To present people with a legal mind a possible course of action without laying it out for prying JW eyes

  3. To attempt a presentation offering a balanced approach to the topic wihtout resorting to blatant stereotypes (all ex-JW's are evil satan worshippers) or exagerated analogies (i.e. comparing JW's to Nazi's, etc)

  4. To provide some insight as to the strategy used by the Society in North America in their custody cases.

  In fact, I agree with many of your comments regarding the expected behaviour of many JW parents. This is wherein the legal strategy can be found. Alan's comments though apparently contradictory to my own, actually prove the concept of said strategy.

  Here it is in a more straightforward manner:

  1. Keep the Society out of it by making agreements of mutual respect for the religious beliefs of the other party. This prevents you being forced to spend 10's of thousands defending against the Organziation's free legal services and lawyers.

  Make sure that several statements appear in the Custody Agreement, such as:'not denegrating the other parent's religious beliefs' 'all decisions regarding medical matters will be made jointly' 'will not allow the child to participate in any activity that could put the child at risk' 'will take reasonable measures to ensure that others do not denigrate the other parent.'

  2. Whether custodial parent or not, keep a daily log of comments, activities of your child, being sure to include mundane as well as specific comments made showing violations of the above statements.

  3. Be patient.

  4. Show your child your unconditional love. Be fair and reasonable. Do NOT put down the child's other parent. This breeds hatred towards the parent putting down the other. (Alan's example proves the value of following this step.)

  5. Coordinate an appropriate time with your lawyer and file your notes and comments in an Affidavit, demonstrating factually how the JW parent has disregarded the agreement and has shown extreme bias and intolerance to the detriment of the child. As most have commented JW's cannot expect to remain reasonable and balanced forever. This is their achilles heel.

  Following the above keeps the Watch Tower's Legal Dept out of the picture and keeps the playing field level. Even if they try to get involved at the filing of the second Affidavit, they will have a damning evidence record to work against and you will have the history and evidentiary record of balance and reasonableness. The Courts cannot help but lean towards you as the better parent.

  Should the WItness parent cooperate with the Custody Agreement, than all parties will work in reasonableness to the benefit of the child.

  Regarding my comment about

  Many have tried to demonstrate to the courts that the beliefs and practices of Jehovah’s Witnesses are harmful to the child. They have always failed.

  The last time I performed a search for said cases in all published and/or reported cases in North America there was none that was willing to introduce religious restrictions execept for the situations I mentioned in my original article

  The only concessions made by the courts is that regarding keeping a child out late during a school night (Theocratic Ministry School/Service Meeting) and the degenerating of the other spouse by the parent or by church members if that person is disfellowshipped or the child is told as part of the indoctrination that the non-believing parent is going to be killed by god for being evil etc. Courts have agreed to having such activities specifically forbidden in Custody Orders.

  As far as Mssr. Bergman & Magnani, these guys are a leech on those looking for help. Charging exorbitant "Expert Witness" fees and in almost every circumstance the courts (since 1989) have refused to allow them to testify since they are "obviously an unbiased former Witness, with little concern for child welfare but rather with a grudge against the religion itself and therefore holds no merit as an expert in the eyes of the court." (comments paraphrased from a court case in Alberta in 1990).

  Despite my personal dislike for the Society, I have a hard time stomaching the likes of Jerry B. or Duane Magnani. (personal opinion only)

  I hope the above clarifies my position and slant of the original article posted.

  Kismet
• 

  Kismet

  I realize I forgot to address the issue of blood transfusions.

  Should you try to address the issue of blood trandsfusion, this one thing alone will be siufficient to justify the Soicety's involvement.

  One of their arguments is that this is a hypothetical situation and unreasonable thing to put into a Custody Agreement. Most courts have agreed. However getting the parents to agree to consult in any and all medical decisions is perfectly acceptable.

  If your child is under the age of 13 Blood is really a non-issue in that should your child need blood, Childrens' Aid Societys or Child Welare agencies will take custody of the child to force transfusion or in the emergency hearing courts will award temporary custody to the non-JW parent until the medical emergency has passed.

  Over the age of 13 or so (depending on the maturity of the child involved) this is a huge grey area legally and even if mentioned in a Custody Agreement or ORder loses all value since the child can be viewed as a mature minor capable of making their own decisions for medical treatment or lack thereof. In such cases it is most important to provide loving support and reminders of unconditional love regardles of their choice. In the unfortunate circumstances where a child is hurt and is leaning towards the JW point of view, reminders about how much they will be missed and the sanctity and value of life couldn't hurt. grin

  Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

  Kismet
• 

  Kismet

  Just moving this back to the top of active threads so that those who responded can see my reply.

  I am still interested in further comments. Or if you prefer email me [email protected]

  Thanks.

  Kismet
• 

  Prisca

  I appreciate this type of reasonable and practical information. I am sure it can help those dealing in custody cases against JW ex-spouses.

  Nice to see you back Kismet!
• 

  Uzzah

  Lawrence:

  Please carefully review the comments made in this thread in relation to your posted Motion regarding your daughter.

  It's time for Theocratic Strategy to be used against THEM for a change.

  Uzzah
• 

  waiting

  wowwwwwwwwww, I didn't look at the date on this thread.........until I read a response by Norm. "Blast from the Past"!

  Many good posters have passed through this forum.....some have stayed!

  waiting - who misses lots of 'em.
• 

  redswan

  thank you for the commentary. I find it very close to my own feelings. My husband and I share custody of my stepdaughter with her JW mother and we are in a constant battle. We feel that it would be in the best interest of our daughter but we have yet to find an attorney that will help us.

  sincerely,

  redswan
• 

  Uzzah

  This thread came up in a Google search I was doing and thought I'd resurrect it for 2005 comments. Uzzah