I dont know what to do

Ex-smoker

Ok so i was raised in the truth and a lot of JW belifes are indoctrinated in me(big suprize) The main ones being that the dead are conscies of nothing and that jesus is gods son and not god. i never got baptized and At 17 i started to doubt all orginized religion but in the back of my mind saying that if theres no hell why serve god. at 21 my life was a mess i was addicted to drugs and thought that it was satans system that was doing this to me and i should give the truth a chance again so i moved back home. after a week or so i was convinced that i was being brainwashed so i looked it up on line and found all the info that shocked me to the very core(the failed predictions of the past, the changes in stances by the societ, belonging to the UN as an NGO the changes they made in the bible among many other things, I made plans to move in with my brother and showed the info i found with my family well they said it was lie's and apostate and yadda yadda yadda. Anyways i lived with my brother for a while and then moved to miami till i was 23 where my drug addiction got worse to the point where i thought the world was coming to an end and my friends were using my because they were worldly. So in march i had a conversation with my father he could tell i was despondent and might hurt myself i told him i wanted to come home he said that ment going to the meetings and i said fine anything to get clean. Anyways long story short i went into rehab and have been clean for over a year. I started making progree to the point were i wanted to get baptized at the next assembly mainly to please my dad. I also started going to a fellowship for compulsive overeaters for the last couple of months. begining this week i had a conversation were i relized i might be gay, this led me to find a website about gay JWs which led to finding out about raymond franz and a crisses of conscience which led to other websites and finally here. Im on the fence i dont know what to do. I wish my parents could except me for who i am but thats no possible. I also need there support as i am not able to live on my own. I also dont want to lose my dads love. But if i get baptized and dedicate myself to that manmade organization i'll be going against jesus. Im going through an inner turmoil that is leading to me constantly eating and i dont know what to do. HELP

AlmostAtheist

>>But if i get baptized and dedicate myself to that manmade organization i'll be going against jesus.

I'm sorry you're going thru so much difficulty. The number one thing for you to avoid is getting baptized. They won't bulldoze you into it, though they will certainly guilt you and such. In the end though, you completely control that. So long as you're not baptized, you're in a decent position to stay more or less out of JW's and still stay in your family's life.

DON'T get baptized.

Welcome to JWD -- I hope you find some peace.

Dave

Seeker4

OK - Let me paragraphs this for you:

Ok so i was raised in the truth and a lot of JW belifes are indoctrinated in me(big suprize)

The main ones being that the dead are conscies of nothing and that jesus is gods son and not god. i never got baptized and At 17 i started to doubt all orginized religion but in the back of my mind saying that if theres no hell why serve god. at 21 my life was a mess i was addicted to drugs and thought that it was satans system that was doing this to me and i should give the truth a chance again so i moved back home.

after a week or so i was convinced that i was being brainwashed so i looked it up on line and found all the info that shocked me to the very core(the failed predictions of the past, the changes in stances by the societ, belonging to the UN as an NGO the changes they made in the bible among many other things.

I made plans to move in with my brother and showed the info i found with my family well they said it was lie's and apostate and yadda yadda yadda. Anyways i lived with my brother for a while and then moved to miami till i was 23 where my drug addiction got worse to the point where i thought the world was coming to an end and my friends were using my because they were worldly.

So in march i had a conversation with my father. he could tell i was despondent and might hurt myself. i told him i wanted to come home he said that ment going to the meetings and i said fine anything to get clean. Anyways long story short i went into rehab and have been clean for over a year.

I started making progree to the point were i wanted to get baptized at the next assembly mainly to please my dad. I also started going to a fellowship for compulsive overeaters for the last couple of months.

begining this week i had a conversation were i relized i might be gay, this led me to find a website about gay JWs which led to finding out about raymond franz and a crisses of conscience which led to other websites and finally here.

Im on the fence i dont know what to do. I wish my parents could except me for who i am but thats no possible. I also need there support as i am not able to live on my own.

I also dont want to lose my dads love. But if i get baptized and dedicate myself to that manmade organization i'll be going against jesus.

Im going through an inner turmoil that is leading to me constantly eating and i dont know what to do. HELP

wings

Dave is right. There are politics involved, don't get baptised.

Read Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz.

Oh, and welcome!

Hope4Others

begining this week i had a conversation were i relized i might be gay, this led me to find a website about gay JWs which led to finding out about raymond franz and a crisses of conscience which led to other websites and finally here

Well that is a great start, keep looking, reading and searching till you find the answers you need to satisfy your questions.

Welcome to Jwd!

hope4others

Seeker4

Agree with AA – DON'T get baptized.
You need to get a handle on your life - A job or training for a job, working out your homosexuality, staying clean and sober. Your spelling/grammar/punctuation issues indicate that perhaps you should go back to school and get some education on which to get a career going.

The last thing you want to do is add the burden of trying to be a JW on top of all that. You're in a very vulnerable spot. Get some counseling - and not JW counseling. I know what they'll tell you.

S4

reneeisorym

But if i get baptized and dedicate myself to that manmade organization i'll be going against jesus

Just don't get baptized. Ok? Then you won't have the support of your parents if you decide you have to persue your relationship with Jesus. Your options will be severely limited once you get baptized.

"Whoever looses his life for Me will find it." -- Matt ch. 10

OnTheWayOut

Please do not get baptized. That puts up a line that you are not supposed to cross
again as far as reading and speaking with former believers and what type of involvement
with the world you should have. If you cross the line, then your family feels obligated to
shun you.

Okay, so don't get baptized. If you must go to the meetings, then go. Don't be trying
to make "spiritual" progress. Just go to the meetings and be friendly to people. That should
buy you time. You could even do something that pisses off the elders and prevents you from
baptism- go to a holiday thing or a church wedding or tell them you read something apostate.

I know that you are at a crucial point in life, but it won't last forever. You can eventually be on
your own feet and then do what you want. If you decide to try to hide your disbelief from
family later, that is your choice. If you decide to stop hiding your disbelief, fine. Just hide it
now while you live with and need family.

Eyes Open

People who get baptised to please other people are very likely to regret that decision later. Even if it made things easier for you temporarily it could ruin things again later.

Can you seek the support of professional helpers for things like drugs?

Casper

Welcome Ex....

Please do not get baptized.

I agree with the above....

Cas

I dont know what to do

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