I truly appreciate this website and all of the posters on it. It’s nice to be able to have a support group like this. I honestly don’t think I would be able to function (without losing my mind) if it weren’t for this website. However, if it weren’t also for this website I probably wouldn’t have had my eyes “opened” to the truth about the “troof” and would probably still be active in the Org (and miserable/depressed) and blaming all of my problems on Satan, not realizing that my feelings of misery/depression were actually from the org itself. I don’t always post, but sometimes just reading other people’s post and seeing that they’re dealing with the same thing as me really does help (I see I’m not alone). I’ve noticed that since I’ve become apostate I’m not so uptight, judgmental, confused, and naive. The only problem is that I’m still stuck partially living a lie for the sake of my family and the few close friends I have that are still in. I occasionally go to the meetings (as token service) and to see old friends, but now that I don’t believe any of it, it’s getting even harder and harder to sit through entire meetings and listen to the garbage. I find myself shying away from people that are considered spiritually strong, (by org standards) including once close friends, because now I see that they are for the most part for worst (as far as being blind/brainwashed/power hungry). I live in a small town (am not disfellowshiped) but it’s at the point where I try to go grocery shopping/run errands at night just to avoid seeing other witnesses. Now when I’m with witnesses friends and they start gossiping about someone who is considered “spiritually weak”, recently disfellowshiped, recently inactive, or some of the rules/policies of the org I find myself trying to quickly change the subject just because it almost make me sick to even talk about this religion. I just wanted to vent because now I’m at the point where I almost want to simply DA myself (just so Elders will stop calling and trying to “ENcouRAGE” me) but haven’t because of my family. It’s hard to have your family relationships held hostage by a religion. Anyone else feel like this?????
thanx guys, anyone else feel like this
by superman 11 Replies latest jw friends
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zeroday
I’m at the point where I almost want to simply DA myself (just so Elders will stop calling and trying to “ENcouRAGE” me) but haven’t because of my family. It’s hard to have your family relationships held hostage by a religion. Anyone else feel like this?????
I can understand your situation...after 28 years on the inside I did DA myself but I did not have an extensive family on the inside only a hand full of cousins that live 3000 miles from me...I was going to do the fade thing but I wanted my worldly family to know without a doubt I was out and intended to participate fully in their lives again ie. holidays and everything...your situation is much more difficult on the one hand can you continue to put up the facad of being an active JW or fade and appear as spiritual weak and still be accepted or totally divorce your self by DAing yourself...hard choice I do feel for you...Good Luck (pun intended) on your decision...
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keyser soze
Hang in there, superman. I'm in pretty much the same boat. I would gladly DA myself if not for the family I still have inside. Trying to convince them of the things you know is like beating your head against a brick wall.
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wings
It’s hard to have your family relationships held hostage by a religion.
I felt the same way when I found this site. Give yourself some time to take it all in....things will begin to become clear and you will know what to do.
Welcome, nice to meet you superman.
wings
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WTWizard
I never did have any close friends in the Washtowel organization. Every time I got close to anyone, they would bust it up, and every time they tried to dictate who I was to draw close to, it made me want to puke. And I have no family in the cancer. (However, I faded so I could waste their time and resources trying to hunt me down.)
However, it is better outside. Since turning apostate, I have lost dread of the holiday season (notably, all those Christmas carols). I also blow off all the boasting sessions and field circus, knowing I will never volitionally waste my time and resources on that dead work again. I no longer have to be selective with my music (if I like it, I listen to it). I can also pick up the latest Pokemon game without having to read the Washtowel to see what the Filthful and Disgraceful Slavebugger has to say about it.
In the event of a Kool-Aid ruling out all sex, entertainment, work, or sleep and/or mandating 100% of all publishers spending 100% of their time in field circus, I no longer have to worry about fitting my life around their doctrines. I simply disregard them and do what I want anyways. They can tell me all they want that I am not going to do fornication (and if the opportunity ever arises again, I no longer have that Washtowel of 11/1/1989 holding me back), and I can tell them to shove it. All while holding up my Ouija board and Crisis of Conscience, with my Christmas tree lit and Christmas music going (which can be accessed all year long).
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JimmyPage
Believe me, I know EXACTLY how you feel!
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watson
"Washtowel."
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SPAZnik
yep. have so.
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Hope4Others
Hi Superman
I’ve noticed that since I’ve become apostate I’m not so uptight, judgmental, confused, and naive.
Great sense of freedom isn't it?
I find myself shying away from people that are considered spiritually strong, (by org standards) including once close friends, because now I see that they are for the most part for worst
I felt that way also, I just wanted to distance myself, my eyes were so opened to how many treated the "not so strong" and I did not like what I saw.
and I agree being from a small town will have many challenges, but as your fade becomes longer and your thoughts stronger for your own reasons that
brought you to this point, running into jw's here and there will no longer mean much.
hope4others
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hotchocolate
Hey Superman.. I relate to your post so well I could have written it word for word. Particularly lately when I hear witnesses talk sadly of news that certain ones have left or been disfellowshipped, I find it hard to keep my mouth shut. It's all I can do not to cheer. :-)
But it really is an awful feeling knowing that your new understanding is going to make you officially disapproved and labelled a failure by your own family. :-( I'm trying to prepare that I might have to give up my family altogether, and we are very close. I have one sibling only that I think may stick by me. That is worth so much to me.
I'm trying to look on the positive side of this though. I know if I fade I will be losing some wonderful friendships, but I have confidence that one day I will look around and find that I am surrounded by new friends who won't judge me if my beliefs aren't the same as theirs.
How long have you been fading?
x