Do U Feel JWs Look Down on U 4 Leaving? Help.

by Seeker4 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • Seeker4
    Seeker4

    One of the things many of us faced as we left the WTS was the loss of respect from Witnesses that we may have really liked. Some may point to us as those who have lost Jehovah's spirit and blessing in their life, and are suffering the consequences. These can be hard issues to face.

    Yesterday I was discussing these ideas with a psychologist friend, and later with my wife. My wife will be attending an assembly this weekend. She has to go without me, and I was once the assembly overseer for this circuit. She has to face that "poor sister, here w/out her husband" mentality, and also the idea that some will see my leaving as the loss of holy spirit, etc.

    At this point it no longer bothers me, and I discussed how I view this with the psychologist. He thought my reasoning was an effective way to take the damaging power from the Witnesses in this situation. It may be of help to some others as your facing these issues.

    I see this as if I'm an adult on a playground with a bunch of little kids. Christmas is coming and they are all excited about getting presents. When they ask me, I tell them I don't really believe in Santa Claus anymore. Some of the children get upset, and tell me that it's bad to think that way and because of that Santa Claus isn't going to come to my house and bring me presents. And they pity me 'cause of what I'm going to miss out on.

    Do I get mad at those kids? Do their comments hurt me? Or do I simply laugh at the absurdity of it, recognizing who really knows the score here? How do you get angry t a child who is only repeating what he has been told, and who is too young to really handle the truth?

    Well, it's the same with the Witnesses. They cling like children to a belief that has no rational basis, looking to a mythical Jehovah to bring them the presents of a new system, everlasting life and so on, and thinking that this great Jehovah will soon dump the lump of coal (everlasting death) on us bad boys.

    When you see the Witness belief for what it is, it loses it's power to hurt you. Like the little children on the playground, you can pat them on the head and walk away smiling, leaving them with their illusions of who is really going to put those presents under the tree Xmas morning.

    The WTS had a huge power over most of us who spent years in it. Growing up spiritually is a major step in recognizing that in reality, there is only as much power in the WTS as we are willing to give it by the way we think. Once you recognize the Witnesses and the Society for what they are, this self-proclaimed mighty instrument of Jehovah suddenly appears as it really is - a floundering man-made organization desperately trying to keep itself alive. You can pat the poor little thing on its head and walk away, smiling, as it sputters and moans ineffectively on the playground.

    S4

  • Sirona
    Sirona

    Hi Seeker,

    I really like your analogy. It hurts when they look down on you and say that you are "weak". In actuality, we are the strong ones, because despite risk of losing people in our lives we still stood up for what is right. We can take their name-calling because we can see the bigger picture.

    Sirona

  • Latte
    Latte

    Seeker4,

    WOW! What a loss to the borg. you must be! Excellent Illustration, totally fitting to the time of year I must say........most seasonal

    I'm really glad that it no longer bothers you, as Sirona said.....WE are the strong ones I wish you and you wife strength.

    Latte

  • JT
    JT

    seeker well put

    for me after i realize i was merely working for a US Corp - i was pissed

    just think wt has a staff of 6mill and the best benifit prgram you can find in any employee handbook-

    free housing , medicine. travel, best food, beach front property, etc
    401k plan, stock options, etc- i mean the very best of the best

    then you realize that the moment you try to cash in on your employee benifits the Sh!t is worthless

    and that is how i view it any one who is a jw is just like they use to say about those who went to college or were trying to get aheand

    WOULD YOU APPLY FOR A JOB AT A COMPANY GOING OUT OF BIZ

    WELL WT is the same way jw are working for a company and they will never see Friday payday come

    now that is sad- so I like you feel so sorry for them

    i too realize that they look at my wife and i and accuse us of:

    as one of my old bethel buddies told everyone at last years District convention:

    "james and Cathleen have been swallowed up in materialism"

    well i realize the damn joke is on him- he has been at bethel for 21 years and has nothing- literally nothing

    if he has to leave before he dies there he will find out he has no SS, no retirement, no nothing

    he is literally wasting his time writng and producing worthless books

    so as i tell my wife THE JOKE IS ON THEM

    JAMES

  • Latte
    Latte

    Jt,

    You jogged my memory when you mentioned beach front property! A friend once told me that he has just missed bumping into one of the GB who was staying ..……at a top hotel in the Caribbean! (the doorman was a JW who had recognized him, and told my friend). What a life they must have!

    Yes, I bought myself a ‘T’ shirt with ‘Material Girl’ all over it when I left, as I knew that that is one of the accusations they would throw at me/us (hahaha) As if we would be so stupid to put material things before E.Life. !!! Materialism is such over-used word IMHO. If you have a Computer………….MATERIALISM! LOL

    Yes, I too feel sorry for them......and the me I used to be.

    Latte

  • Seeker4
    Seeker4

    JT and all,

    Thanks for the comments. I wanted to tell you JT that I thoroughly enjoyed your comments on an earlier thread having to do with elders and judicial committees. Just dead on great stuff. I told my wife - an active JW - about the DO or CO that gave the sisters safety pins for the slits in their skirts. She would have done just like the sister you mentioned that chewed his ass out. Loved that. Some of those traveling boys could be unbelievable pricks.

    S4

  • Room 215
    Room 215

    Seeker4,
    In order to be happy, you need to resign yourself to living the rest of your life on the ``outs'' with most of your former associates, who in any case are probbly not worth the time and trouble to fret about. Just as probably, there's likely to be among your former associates a few worthhile human beings, thinkers for whom your actions will induce to reevaluate their own choices, as they begin their own personal process of discovery. Don't be surprised if they discreetly seek you out.
    Alas, for the majority, the Society has pre-packaged a response for every contingency: if one leaves and then prospers, then it's ''Satan bribed him away from Jehovah by making him rich and successful;'' or if things go badly ``you see what happens when Jehovah removes His spirit?'
    It seems to be a no-win situation; but it only becomes one if you permit it to bother you. Walk away quietly; today is the first day of the rest of your life.
    One question: What about your wife? Her reaction to your situation is intriguing; she still goes to meetings and assemblies?

  • Seeker4
    Seeker4

    Room 215,

    My wife remains an active JW, albeit a very liberal one who takes a great deal of what she hears with a grain of salt. Being a JW is her culture, is the best way I can describe it. Her parents and one of our kids are still Witnesses. I would say that she and my daughter tend to be the "new JW" that we've talked about here on occasion - holding their own counsel on a number of issues and not necessarily taking the WTS totally seriously.

    S4

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Seeker4,

    Thanks for your anology.

    I have found that my emotions towards the JWs I have left behind are a mix of pity and sadness. I miss the friends I once had, but I also feel sorry for those who are still inside. I wish I could share what I know with them, but to do so would alienate myself even more from them.

    On the other hand, I have found that those who leave will seek you out. Yesterday I had a phone conversation with a friend who has left. I didn't know until recently that he left - another good and kind person the WTS has lost. He mentioned another mutual friend that has also left. How many more will the WTS lose until they wake up to themselves?

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    Good analogy Seeker. I was able to see it that way very quickly. I've only been out a year, and I've had a certain pity for witnesses since the day I walked away. Unfortunately, since the stakes are so much higher than "is it santa or parents bringing gifts?", I sometimes lapse into anger as well.

    My transition from "witness" to "worldly" has been much smoother than many, and I think the attitude you describe is one reason why.

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