by easyreader1970 36 Replies latest jw friends
Welcome!
My wife and I left together, perfectly harmonious in our assessment that the WTS was counterfeit. It came to us through reading Crisis of Conscience. That little book changed our lives. Perhaps you can read it in private sometime. I hope you find a way to break through the wall that the WTS has erected.
Peace, Hope and Good Luck to you though all this. Many here can help you, as they share the same problem.
Jeff
Welcome. I was in the exact same position as you 3 years ago. You spoke about feeling imprisoned. It was that which eventually made me feel that life wasn't worth living. I considered suicide. I knew the consequences of leaving would be terrible. But I eventually got the courage to go. My 2 kids finally put the lid on my life as a JW. I just couldn't bring them up & teach them the JW way of life. When I left, I was determined that I would be a decent non JW. I went through a pretty tough time with my wife for over a year, but it has now evened out remarkably well. You have to be determined to fight for your kids. Your wife has no right to take them off you just because you are not a JW. You need to show her that things can work even though you are not a JW. If you need a chat then please PM me. I have had a lot of experience in your situation & now realise where I went wrong & what I did right. All the best
Ouch.
There are worse fates than being a dub and your wife can clearly see this.
From where I sit you've got to come to terms with the high probability that she will NEVER wake up.
I'm not saying you should give up all hope, but realistically, the emotional security that she has tied up in the JW life is abnormally strong, IMO.
For stories of waking up family here's a couple JWD posters you might want to check out (they don't come around much anymore):
ithinkisee
amazing
For someone who has done a good job of reconciling his own disbelief while living with a JW wife, this guy springs to mind:
Daniel-P
There are MANY others, but that's a good start. I'm in a similar situation, but I'd say my wife is a smidge more open to WT criticism than yours. I have a gut feeling that she will never come around. But, of course, I hope I'm wrong on that score.
Feel free to PM me anytime.
OM
Welcome to the best support group you can find.
My spouse and I, as AK-Jeff, left together after we couldn't take pretending any longer after what we had learned.
I say as well read "crisis of Consc." as its an amazingly eye-opening read.
I can't imagine how hard it is to have your spouse still in - so a big hug of support there.
You said it perfectly in your in post:
Because I am not an outstanding and zealous brother, we don't get invited to anything in the congregation except for the annual picnic. Other than that, we are summarily ignored because we are "spiritually weak." Spiritually weak in WTBS-speak means that you are not reporting double-digit hours in the ministry and you don't comment in the Watchtower study enough.
Awww the love.....This is totally me too....they treat you like crap because you don't meet their standards but at the same time they hold family and your "friendships" over you.
the Organization is that Roman ship to me. I'm just rowing away angrily. Tell what I believe to be the truth and lose my wife and children? Or live the lie, feel soulless for the most part, but still exist while able to enjoy my children and my wife?
You said it perfect....I don't have children but lost everything else because I opened my mouth with what I believed.
As imprisoning as it is.....I say take comfort in knowing that you are going to be that parent that isn't completely wrapped up in this borg....that will be the sound of reason and compassion. The parent that will still accept your child if they make a mistake and not shun them if they don't agree with the borg.
I wish you lots strength and patience and remember all of us on the board are here for you.
Lots of love,
Ruth
Hi and Welcome! Well, here's another person that has been there. I was recently disfellowshipped after a 13 year struggle trying to decide what to do. What eventually got me was my refusal to acknowledge complete loyalty to the organization. So at 50 years old, and having spent all that time in the organization, I find myself on the outside. The family situation is rough and probably will be for some time. I'm trusting in God to help me readjust. I feel he's there for me and will see me through. Don't loose heart, others have been where you are. Don't give in. Stand for what you believe. I think you will be respected for it in the end. Read Crisis of Conscience, if you haven't done so already. Rays insight will help you see where the real problem lies. seek2find
Welcome EasyRider! So sorry to read the predicament your in. This is something you will have to sought out....I would hate for you to lose your wife & kids. But you KNOW that if she is a hard core JW she will leave you ( with the aiding & abetting from the Elders)
I do hope & pray you will know how to go about it.Many on here have had the same road to go through .
Keep posting my love & God Bless
Mouthy
I imagine your wife already knows or senses where you stand and is waiting for the other shoe to drop. She's probably unhappy inside too, and putting on appearances just like you. Pretending the same thing, too, that you are still a JW in every way, even if you have slacked off attendance and service. But you're right, broaching the issue might just end your marriage or make it more hellish. I'm sorry I don't have any advice - just sympathy. And don't get caught posting on JWD, eh?
She has several siblings but only one other sibling is a Witness. The others have had their lives turn to crap: prison time, alcoholism, unwanted pregnancies, and divorce. These things are clear evidences to her that the WBTS is correct and those who fall away from it are doomed to a life of pain and suffering.
It almost sounds like you're married to my wife...
Welcome to the board EasyReader. Sounds like we are in a similar boat (cept I don't have kids). But I did tell my wife. About 3 years ago I confided to her that I had doubts. It took me up until last month to announce to her and the world that I am no longer a JW.
If I may suggest, you should level with her. It's not healthy to live a lie. And then you know where you stand. As has been said, if she follows the WTS, according to 1 Corinthians she cannot leave you, unless you actively discourage her from her faith. Maybe after some time she will come around.
My wife is as diehard as you can get, and we are former missionaries, so I might be following in llbh's footsteps soon.
A@G
I will post an official "hello" and "welcome" message to you.
I am a fader who completed the fade pretty quick. When I first posted in Summer of 2006,
I had just resigned as an elder, knowing I had wasted 2 decades in a mind-control cult.
My wife and mother are still active. They are not JW zealots, but firm believers, so I can relate
a bit. However, I don't have kids.
It's great that your parents don't go to the meetings and don't hold your feelings over your head.
Same with your sister and her husband being fairly "weak" witnesses. That's a good thing.
I might be a bit pushy, seeing as I don't have kids, but if I did, I would want to get them out
of the JW religion pretty quick. IMO, they should not be baptized. If they are baptized, they
should still be encouraged to put education and career higher up the goals ladder than
theocratic stuff.
I would have reacted different if I had kids when I discovered the lie of "the truth." I might have
immediately yanked them out, regardless of the consequences. Open Mind would be a great
guy to give you some empathy as he is a slow fader with family in the religion, including
children.
You say "...we are summarily ignored because we are 'spiritually weak.'" Is your wife or children
considered weak because of their own situation or because of yours? Is your wife still pioneering?
You also say "I can't give myself away to the wife." I fully understand that, but slowly I overcame
that. I needed to be happy with my own feelings and pursue life outside of the Kingdom Hall. Many
here don't do that, but many do. If you want to fade further, you may have to reveal at least some
doubt or depression over the WTS or it's meetings.
But it's all up to you. Everyone (including me) can just spout off our opinions "if we were in that
situation."
Welcome to the board.
I faded away over the course of several years. It was long and painstaking. My wife and other family members are hardcore believers. I went for a long time and maintained my congregational duties in order to keep friction between myself and family down. I was especially worried that my wife would take our children and leave me.
I was becoming so unhappy about my situation that it became worth it to fade away fully and take the consequences. I couldn't bear to be miserable any longer and knew I had to be more open to my children about the WTS in order to help them not get sucked into the dubs.
My wife freaked out. Each fading step I took made her angrier and angrier. At the end when I was completely done and not going to meetings or service - ever again she calmed down and we've had this sort of non-discussed peace agreement. I don't bash her religion and she doesn't bother me about how I feel, and she doesn't rat me out to the elders for anything I do.
The thought of losing my children crippled my decision making process for a long time. In my case it has worked out and I've maintained my marriage and am able to help influence my children in the life course decisions. Even my wife isn't as zealous anymore and more goes through the motions than anything else.
Hang in there and keep up hope. In the end you need to remember that you are a human being and you deserve to be happy too. Sometimes we need to learn to be happy even if we're alone. I hope everything works out for you. Posting here may be a real help to you.
