Issues with the AA and alcoholism, could do with some advice.

by digderidoo 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  digderidoo

  As many of you are aware i started to attend AA meetings at the beginning of January, to finally confront my alcoholism.

  Since then i went the first 7 weeks without a drink, but then went away for a lads weekend and ended up getting drunk over a 3 day break. I learnt from this that i could not control my drinking, so upon coming back i stopped drinking again.

  This then led to another 7 weeks without a drink. But last Saturday was my birthday so i went out on the Friday night and drank again, however this time i didn't get drunk, but controlled it, this also led to me having two glasses of wine on Sunday, and i can honestly say that i didn't feel the crave for any more.

  Now as for attending AA meetings, they have really helped, i feel alot happier within myself since and have done many active things that i wouldn't have dreamt of doing this time last year. But what i really want to do is to control my drinking like any 'normal' person, rather than abstain from it, the AA advocates the latter. I don't know whether i agree that its a disease, that the first drink will lead to me getting drunk. I also dont agree with the religious element within the AA.

  I am seriously thinking of replacing the AA meetings with getting myself on a local programme, which can go along the line of controlled social drinking. I hate the idea of never being able to drink again, so really feel as though i have to at least attempt this route, before i choose to abstain totally.

  I would be very interested to hear peoples opinions, particularly those who attend AA themselves. Feel free to PM if you'd rather not post. I cannot log back on till later today, so i may be able to respond till later.

  Paul
• 

  Black Sheep

  Watch out for cultish behaviour in AA.

  Do not believe what they say on their own say so.

  The AA has it's Apostates too.
• 

  Sirona

  Hi Paul,

  As many of you are aware i started to attend AA meetings at the beginning of January, to finally confront my alcoholism.

  Wow that is great. Well done. You got there before you ended up nearly dead (which is unfortunately when some people get there).

  Since then i went the first 7 weeks without a drink, but then went away for a lads weekend and ended up getting drunk over a 3 day break. I learnt from this that i could not control my drinking, so upon coming back i stopped drinking again.

  Please re-read your last sentence. You cannot control your drinking. Your drinking has been so out of control that you label yourself an alcoholic.

  This then led to another 7 weeks without a drink. But last Saturday was my birthday so i went out on the Friday night and drank again, however this time i didn't get drunk, but controlled it, this also led to me having two glasses of wine on Sunday, and i can honestly say that i didn't feel the crave for any more.

  That is normal, even for an alcoholic. Many alcoholics have control in certain circumstances. They function at work, for instance, only drinking when they're not at work. Some only drink at the weekends, but they do it to great excess when noone else is watching. The one common denominator is that they ultimately are not in control of their drinking. They might be able to drink successfully at family events or parties, they might be able to control it during the working week, but ultimately the drink takes over again at other times. Its almost always a deteriorating situation, so more alcohol is needed for the right "effect" and the person's mood is more affected by the bad habit (psychologically and chemically in the brain) therefore this person is only "pretending" to be OK when they're apparently in control. It will just get worse.

  Now as for attending AA meetings, they have really helped, i feel alot happier within myself since and have done many active things that i wouldn't have dreamt of doing this time last year. But what i really want to do is to control my drinking like any 'normal' person, rather than abstain from it, which is what the AA advocates. I don't know whether i agree that its a disease, that the first drink will lead to me getting drunk.

  Welcome to the club! Every single alcoholic I've met has said that they went through a phase where they *really wanted* to drink normally. Where they wanted to have controlled drinking. Now if someone truly has a problem with alcohol (and you've admitted you do) any controlled drinking is simply a smokescreen so that you can keep alcohol in your life because its too hard to think of life without it.

  Ask yourself:

  1. Am I trying to have "controlled" drinking because its too hard to imagine life without even one drink?

  2. When I do have a drink (even a controlled one) what is my REAL motivation for doing so? Is it for the "effect"? (if so, you're still clinging to the drug). You will discover that you are not drinking the drink for the taste (like most normal drinkers).

  3. Can I "take it or leave it"? The answer is very likely "no" and the whole time you are "controlled" drinking your thoughts are totally clouded with "how many have I had?" "can I have one more?" "will anyone notice if I have more?" "how many have the others had?" "if I have water I can have more alcohol" etc. etc. etc. THIS is NOT controlled drinking. It is OBSESSIVE drinking and it isn't healthy.

  I am seriously thinking of replacing the AA meetings with getting myself on a local programme, which can go along the line of controlled social drinking. I hate the idea of never being able to drink again, so really feel as though i have to at least attempt this route, before i choose to abstain totally.

  Try anything. I dont' blame you. If you can gradually reduce the alcohol, rather than going cold turkey, this might be a workable solution. However, consider the above points.....you will probably never be actually in control of the alcohol whilst you are still drinking.

  NOW one thing I will say is this: you have a big problem with alcohol abuse. There is a chance that ONE DAY you will be able to drink normally. However, don't you think that stopping drinking altogether for a time is what you actually NEED? You can form a life without alcohol in it. You can function without the obsession and horror of addiction. THEN think about controlled drinking maybe?

  Nowadays I don't drink at all. I'm pregnant for one thing, and I've not had any alcohol at all during the pregnancy. When the baby comes I fully intend to keep up this habit of not drinking at all because I think that if I *have to* drink then this reveals a problem that I'd rather NOT have!

  I hope this helped.

  Sirona
• 

  Sirona

  I must say that AA is cultish and I don't like the way that they appear to pressure people to attend.

  Just find a support group you feel comfy with.

  Sirona
• 

  digderidoo

  Thanks sirona, you've made some good points. Sorry i haven't got time at present to give a full response, but will have a good read later today.

  Paul
• 

  greendawn

  You seem to have done really well to kick the habit you have manifested quite some will power to get over it. When you feel strong enough to drink in moderation without the risk of going beyond it there is no reason why you shouldn't do it. If you've reached that point fine otherwise give it a little more time to solidly stabilise your control.
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  Maddie

  In my experience of AA nobody tells tells you what to do, unlike a cult I know well! If you think you can control your drinking then go for it. Time will tell as it always the case with many alcoholics that have tried to drink "normally". You will always be welcomed back to AA any time if things go wrong, without being judged in any way. Take care of yourself.

  Maddie
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  blondie

  AA and Al-Anon support groups vary from group to group. It took me 2 tries before I found the one that was a match for me...made up of those who left their religion outside the door and used the serenity prayer rather than the Lord's prayer. It was a younger group.

  If you do have an alcohol problem it is good to get to the bottom of it, what motivates drinking. There are good rehab programs that don't necessarily have AA as a component.

  May things go well.
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  joebin

  You've done good so far. I think at this point in the game it's important that you try to live without the stuff simply to prove to yourself that you can. Just tell yourself that someday you will be a social drinker but for now it's important that you detox yourself which will take some time. I wouldn't try at this point to be a social drinker it's just gonna bite you in the ass.

  Take care
• 

  digderidoo

  Thanks for your comments.

  I wouldn't just give up on the AA without replacing it with another program. My recovery has not been just over the last three months, but more over 3 years. Back then i gave up my drug taking and tried controlling my drinking on my own, without a program. I have found the AA to be a wonderful tool in helping me with my recovery, but i do have certain issues with it.

  I do not want to go 1, 2, 3 or even 10 years sober without at least trying controlled drinking within the confines of a program. The problem i have, i think in particular within the uk social scene, is that when i go out with friends i cannot drink. I am going out tonight for instance to a comedy night, others will be drinking, its a Friday night, so i know that i will drink, but i am determined not to get drunk.

  However, even though saying i want to drink in a controlled way, i am determined never to visit again the years of drink and drugs that i have experienced.

  My issue with the AA is that it is black and white. Abstinence or nothing, so in the long term i do not see how this will work for me. The qualification for joining the AA is 'a desire to stop drinking'. For me i do not desire this, i desire not to be a drunk. Many who i have met in the AA seem to have gone because they have tried other avenues and they have failed, so there seems to be a negative attitude against other outside programs.

  That said i know the AA is there at any time should any other program fail for me.

  I also have issues with the spiritual element to it, but i have mentioned that here before. Comments are made at meetings which do remind me of the KH.

  The AA for me has helped me alot in these few short weeks, so i dont want to sound as though i am ungrateful for it, but i do find it to be black and white when it comes to being abstinent.

  Paul