WHEN YOUR PARTNER WANTS A TATOO AND YOU DONT WANT THEM TO!!!!

by Summer wine 23 Replies latest jw friends

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  Summer wine

  A bit of backgound info................my husband and I, after being in the org for 20 , high pressured years, faded about 4 years ago and after the usual feelings , anger, sadness, joy etc we had quite a upsetting change of circumstances. Recently my husband told me he didnt think he was in love with me anymore, decided he had missed out on what he really wanted to do with his life. He wants to get a high powered motor bike, go off and get new friends ( I have no objection but hes blamed me cos he hasnt got any) and now has got a big tatoo on his arm from the shoulder to the elbow.

  Ive never been really keen on tatoos but sort of gave my inital reluctant support and actually went with him when he had it done!!

  Now hes booked in to have the other arm done. Im really upset. No disscussion of the money being spend (£ 200 each tatto ) no consideration that I think it will look horrible.

  He says its a personal thing he wants to do for himself and that it has nothing to do with me.

  I told him I think hes going through a mid life crisis, which he obviously disagrees with.

  So the question is am I being unreasonable here or is he?? Would you have done something as permenant as a tatoo if your partner disagreed with it or is it up to ultimately up to you.
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  IP_SEC

  After reading your story, it doesnt sound to me that the tatoo is the real problem.

  My advise is to fight the problem, if possible, not the symptom of the problem.
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  sammielee24

  So the question is am I being unreasonable here or is he?? Would you have done something as permenant as a tatoo if your partner disagreed with it or is it up to ultimately up to you.

  I personally think it's his choice. If the cost is too much and he uses the rent money for it, then I think you have a right to be ticked - but a tattoo on his own arm, I think is his choice. I believe that my partner would support me if that was my choice..sammieswife.
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  mind my own

  Well...I have learned that you can't make people do - or not do anything you don't want them to! I completely understand why you are upset, but your hubby is probably going to get another tattoo whether you like it or not (as evidenced by the first one)...perhaps it will help the two of you if he feels you are being supportive.

  MMO
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  Hope4Others

  going through a mid life crisis

  Oh Ya! Is he 40ish?

  I think you have to let him decide on the tatto however. Why don't you get your own little tattoo, I wonder how receptive he'd be?

  hope4others
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  Summer wine

  IP You are right, there is a big problem. I just dont know how to handle it. Im trying to ride along with it, if hes just feeling unsure at the moment I dont want to create more issues.

  But its like living with a spoiled teenager at the moment and hes treating me as if im his mum, Something I dont want to be.
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  Summer wine

  We are in our forties...............did anyone else go a bit mad whan they left the org? And is it just a time of adjustment
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  Hope4Others

  I really agree with IP also, I was just a little apprehensive to go there. Perhaps planning some fun Romantic things & outings

  would jump start him out of the hum drum he is feeling. Maybe two bikes are in order!

  lol

  hope4others
• 

  BizzyBee

  Recently my husband told me he didnt think he was in love with me anymore, decided he had missed out on what he really wanted to do with his life. He wants to get a high powered motor bike, go off and get new friends

  Here's your problem - not the tats. I think they call it 'rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.' Sorry, but you're better off facing this head on.
• 

  sass_my_frass

  I'd say:

  - you'll have to live with the tatoo
  - he'll have to live with you not liking it
  - consider enhancing your budgeting by setting up accounts into which a small amount of 'piss up against the wall' money goes each pay. You get an automatic 200 pound credit in yours to start with, because you haven't had a tatoo done. Stuff like this, which is entirely personal, has to come out of the Wall account. He can spend his on tatoos or save up for a bike or whatever he wants. You can spend yours on whatever it is that you want.

  Equity = respect.