God again, inspiring serotonin_wraith to give you this message. What do you mean, you don't believe that? You're telling me you believe I inspired some men from the desert 3500 years ago to write my book, but you don't believe it's happening now? What kind of thinking is that? Don't make me angry! Jesus!
Speaking of Jesus, I'm sorry for the hold up in sending him back. We got caught up in a game of chess, and since we're both perfect, neither of us could lose. It's at a stalemate. But that time has given me the chance to think things over. It turns out writing that book was a mistake. Instead of bringing people together, it only drove people further and further apart due to disagreements over how it should be interpreted! I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I?
I've learnt some things from you lot too. I honestly thought witches existed. The smell of their burning bodies pleased me, but as soon as they stood in front of me ready for judgement, I looked into their souls and discovered they were all just innocent people! I wish I could have ammended that mistake in the second printing of the Bible, but I would have looked less than perfect if I'd gone back on my Word, so I left it.
What else? Ah yes. The whole sin thing. You smart Christians have accepted evolution, but you haven't really thought through what that does to the idea of sin and a fallen world. If there was pain and suffering, animals eating animals, human evolution over a longer time period than 6000 years, well it just shows I designed a planet with natural disasters and a process that kills of 99% of my creatures, and that it's not man's fault! Come on now! Why would I send Jesus back?
I'm sure you get you a warm fuzzy feeling when you think I'm up here somewhere, but it's not like I do much. My miraculous healing interventions only seem to match what modern medicine can do, haven't you noticed that? I didn't cure people of appendicitus, but when science finds a way to help people survive that, you suddenly think I've had a hand in it? Get real! I'm the one who gave it to humans before they'd even sinned!
Honestly guys, you'd be better off without me. That bionic eye is pretty cool, still needs some work to get to my standard of healing blindness, but it shows you can look after yourself. Jesus isn't coming back now I've decided, so carry on under that assumption and you'll be helping the human race.
God.
P.S. Don't pick on SW for this post. I've told you, the holy sprit directed him to type it. If you have a problem, bring it to me.
