Query letter: What do you think?

rekless

From the pulpit to the bedroom, trigger words and phrases dictated every choice Rags Walker made for forty-five years.

As a former elder and minister of thirty years with the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, aka Jehovah's Witnesses, the absence of major literary work addressing the mind control techniques is: First, a great disappointment to millions world wide who have experienced the Watchtower lifestyle, and second, a missed opportunity for an elite publishing house to capitalize on a "gift that keeps on giving." This led to my writing "THE DREAM PUSHERS: Captivated by a System of Deceit" a 106,000 word memoir. The facts and events are character driven with plots and dialogues. They go beyond Diane Wilson's memoir, "AWAKENING OF A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS: Escape from the Watchtower Society" still in print, Ray Franz's "CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE" which is in its fifth edition after twenty 20 years, and Kyria Abrahams newest Watchtower expose I’M PERFECT, YOU’RE DOOMED: Tales of a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing.

"THE DREAM PUSHERS: Captivated by a System of Deceit" begins in a small Mississippi town in 1955 where Rags Walker is indoctrinated into a social-religious mind set at the age of ten. It explores a love story between a young couple who become staunch believers, and mesmerized by a matrix of dreams and promises to a point they offer their son as a sacrifice to the God of the Old Testament--Jehovah. Their strict home-life drives their youngest daughter into a libertine lifestyle. After Rags resigned his minister's position, he discovers a contradiction between "the Society's" core belief and a history book's quote from the "Babylonian Cuneiform Tablets." If the scholarly work is accurate--then the entire dream is false. Rags scrambles to re-enforce the regime's doctrine and his sanity, but with the click of the mouse, the promise disappears, through the words of "Josephus' The Antiquities of the Jews." His dream world explodes into a hellish nightmare--an Orwellian "Animal Farm," and to top it off, his wife is diagnosed with a rare blood disorder. His stratagem to save her fails--she dies--leaving him with his final choice. Should he remain a slave in the matrix of dreams, or break free and expose it for what it is--a billion dollar corporation hidden behind a system of mind manipulation, ever-changing doctrines, "end of time" prophecies, and deceit.

The completed manuscript is ready upon your request.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Daniel M. Walker

BizzyBee

Looks good. You have written this book, I take it?

Open mind

Sounds like an interesting read.

As for your query letter itself, I don't quite get this:

the absence of major literary work addressing the mind control techniques

You then go on to name several JW exposes. So where's the "absence"? Is your work "major" and the others aren't? If so, explain what sets yours apart from the others. Without this, your book is just one of many. I'd love to read it, but I don't see how you've set yourself apart in the eyes of a potential publisher.

OM

rekless

Is your work "major" and the others aren't?

No, I'm saying the majority of the witness books are self published, where as ther are very few published by Major New York publishing houses.

I certainly don't think my work is superior to others. I was giving the agent a mental push that with all the cult stuff that is going on a book about the tower would also be appreciated.

Open mind

First off, I know squat about the publishing business.

So are you saying that someone who is in the industry will automaticaly know that "major literary work" means "Major New York publishing houses"? I certainly didn't, but then again..... I know squat about the publishing business.

I'd cut out some of the specifics of the manuscript (in the interest of brevity) and add a little more sales pitch about what makes your manuscript unique.

Also, in your last reply you said:

"with all the cult stuff that is going on "

How about including a brief reference to that in your letter?

Best of luck.

OM

*going back to my non-publishing job now*

rekless

I'm not a professional writer, but from my understanding a major literary work means a book that is successful market wise that has been handled by major publishing house: Viking, Penguin, Random House, Scribners, Simon and Schusters.

I'd cut out some of the specifics of the manuscript (in the interest of brevity) and add a little more sales pitch about what makes your manuscript unique.

Also, in your last reply you said:

"with all the cult stuff that is going on "

How about including a brief reference to that in your letter?

I just may take your advice as well as your advise.

This is why I posted; so I would get some feed back from those who have lived the life.

Thanks.

VoidEater

Umm...you may know much more about this than I...but typically wouldn't an outline be helpful in selling the book?

Perosnally, I'd hook the potential publisher with reference to death and loss earlier in the letter...this is good copy for dust cover as is, though, IMHO.

Just my 2 cents...

rekless

but typically wouldn't an outline be helpful in selling the book?

Yes, once an agent accepts your query, they often request, a synopsis, chapter outline, and a particial; the first three chapters.THe query has a hook, then a short summary of the book along with any writers credentials ( which I don't have).

I just wanted to see if any of the board members had any in-put or suggestions since we all know what the tower is about.

VoidEater

I'd buy the book based on the copy here...if that's helpful!

Good luck, truly.

JeffT

I'm also trying to get published, mostly not about JW's. There are several magazines for writers out there. Get them and read them. Your library will have several books on the subject. "Writer's Market" comes out every year and is well worth it. I'm at work and don't have access to my favorites list, when I get home I will try to PM some links for you as well.

Check the websites of the agents you're contacting and look for submission guidelines.

Get ready for lots of rejection notes.

Query letter: What do you think?

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