Opinions/Experiences With Polyamory? (page 2)

White Dove

The idea is that one person would have feelings for both or more of the polyamory group and vice-versa. Like having more than one very best friend and all are very close.

No experience. Seems more complicated than it would be worth. Another poster touched on it-but we all want to be special to someone. I don't want to feel like the second fiddle and maybe be right. I'd rather feel a little neglected and know it is cause he is busy with work or school, not cause he is with the other wife or ?

AlmostAtheist

On paper that makes all the sense in the world. No one person needs to be the everything for any other one person.

In practice, it sort of just doesn't work.

I think people thinking that would be a good idea would be better served by having one romantic relationship and several very tight non-sexual friendships. I have two female friends that I'm extremely close to with no romantic/sexual overtones at all. I wouldn't trade that for any amorous experience.

Dave

TheSilence

I have no issues with what goes on between consenting adults. If you compel minors to join in such a relationship then I have a problem.

Jackie

Awakened at Gilead

I think people thinking that would be a good idea would be better served by having one romantic relationship and several very tight non-sexual friendships. I have two female friends that I'm extremely close to with no romantic/sexual overtones at all. I wouldn't trade that for any amorous experience.

Can you explain that to my wife?... She doesn't think that that's possible...

(Of course though she wouldn't talk to you. You're a male and you're an "apostate" and an atheist....)

But I like the points you make... I agree with the others (like Alpaca), while it might be nice to fantasize about having a solomon-like harem, the reality of it is that its probably not worth the trouble...

VoidEater

It is difficult. Not everyone can always be honest about their wants and needs, in deference to another's desires - "It's OK with me" when it really isn't. This leads to jealousy, uncertainty and hurt feelings.

When some of the menage have more firmly partnered relationships, it's difficult to maintain clear boundaries and agreements about the place each has in the hearts and lives of the others.

It has worked OK when all the participants were "single" and none were looking to partner with another.

It has worked less OK when some participants are partnered and other(s) play into that primary relationship.

Heinlein puts out a series of polyamorous, structured relationships in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (a rather dated book now, highly paternalistic and basically chauvanistic, but an interesting read for both the "families" it protrays and the AI at the center of the plot).

Some relationships are strong enough to allow for or support polyamory, while others are not. While not recommended from my experiences, your mileage may vary. In theory I still have no objections, but in practice (people having "negative" emotions like jealousy and insecurity as they do) it's difficult to manage.

Hortensia

nice fantasy, doesn't really work. At least not in our culture.

Rabbit

I see nothing wrong with the concept or the practice. I know people who were already together who chose to include others in a sexual and good friend types of relationships. Some had bad endings and some have continuing good solid friendships.

I think it would take very special people, who would not allow suspicion or jealousy, to make it work. And if they can...who am I to judge or nay-say what works for them. Somebody mentioned "culture" as a problem...if people weren't under such pressure to conform, especially to religious mores...maybe it would work successfully for more people.

In any case -- as long as it does no harm to me or mine or children, it's OK with me if folks want to voluntarily experiment with new things.

Rabbit's droppings on the matter . .. . ... . :-)

Ima Apostate

Some of my friends are getting into this and want my husband and I to join in. I'm tempted, but it seems like it will do nothing but worsen our relationship, much more than it would make it better, so I'm not going for it...

Crumpet

I was in favour of it, have attempted it (mainly for practical reasons) and it just results in hurt on both sides. Besides I don't want to share myself with anyone else or my partner to share himself.

Opinions/Experiences With Polyamory?