That was one word that created depression for me. The word "WEAK"! The elders passed judgement on me a number of times with that word. Even when I was picking myself up in increased meeting attendance and service, that word "WEAK" always was in the back of my mind. Even when you were doing everything possible, it wasn't ever enough. There was very little validation and the feeling of inadequacy was growing deep inside me and eventually going to and from the meetings was getting me depressed.It seems that when your labeled by the elders and if they pass that around in casual conversation you are then ostercized by members of the congregation. I have met a number of others within different congregations who felt similar and who also felt suicidal. I was shocked to find how many thought about suicide and finding out how many actually did it. It seems to me that as the years progressed, things started to change in the congregation. Elders seem to become less humble, more haughty, more judgemental. I even heard that you can't talk to an elder a certain way, but they can talk to you anyway they want. When I mentioned it was getting me depressed, the only answer was I was "weak" and needed to pray more. OK, that got me even more depressed. I learned never to approach them. They have made themselved unapproachable and then they preach from the platform to go to them and if you do, I find they can make matters worse not better. They are not professional counslers and can do much damage when they try to be. I truly believe that when they get the title "elder" they feel like whatever they say to you will work like magic.
How Were You Treated as a Jehovah's Witness if You Had Depression ?
by flipper 49 Replies latest jw friends
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Gordy
In ten years ago I was diagnosed as having "acute clinical depression" after a suicide attempt. Without going into a long story, the circumstances were a mix of personal problems and pressures of being a JW with doubts. At the time I was a Min Servant, married with children. At that time I had been a JW for 25 years.
I spent 6 weeks in a psychiatric hospital. In that time not one Elder came to see me. Even when one of them brought my wife, he would just drop her off and wait in his car.
Two weeks after I got home they decided that I needed to appear before a Judicial Committee. I was "privately reproved" removed as a Min Servant, not allowed to participate in meetings, or say prayers at any meeting. Their whole answer to helping was, attend meetings go out on field service. No understanding that a person with depression usually does not want to be around other people and much less be calling on strangers to talk to.
Other JWs who Ihad known for 25 years stopped talking to me, or even coming to visit me. Even ones we regularly had round to our house for meals. The Book group was eventually moved from our house. My wife was more upset about her "standing" in the congregation, than what was happening to me and the children through it all.
Then one day, six months on, my wife said I would have to move out for the sake of the family!! The first time she went out with two of the children and expected me to be gone by the time she came back. As I had no money and no were to go what did she expect me to do? She nearly came back to find me hanging from the stairs landing. If she hadn't had the two children with her sh might have done so.
Two weeks later she says she has found me a place to live, in the next town, even paid the deposit. In the next town so I had to go to a different congregation. The Elders in that congregation couldn't care less about giving any support. In the three years before I left I did not receive one visit from an Elder.
Incidently a few months later I learnt, from inside sources, that the reason my wife had me move out was that the Elders had said I was a "spiritual danger" to the family so had to be got out.
After 25 years in "Jehovah's loving organisation" all this came as a shock. Were was the love and support for me, and my family?
To cut the story short this eventually led me to start looking into the Watchtowers history and teachings. After nearly three years research I stopped attending meetings. Though did not disassociate at the time, because I had still had contact with children who were baptised JWs.
During the next two years I received no call or visit from any Elder, not even a Memorial invite pushed through the letter box.
Then in September 2001 two Elders visited but I was out my oldest son, now living with me, spoke to them. Now why after two years did they visit? It turned out to be a campaign to get "inactive ones" back because numbers were dropping. Well that did it if all they thought of me was to make numbers up and they couldn't be bothered to visit during the previous two years then they can go to Hell. Considering three Elders lived within a 5-10 minute walk from me. The Kingdom Hall is just up the road also.
I wrote a letter of disassociation, enclosed some information on why and poisted it through an Elders door.
This of course meant no JW could speak etc to me. This included my wife and two daughters who I have not spoked to or had contact with for the last 7 years. Except for a brief "Hello" from my wife when my oldest son was in hospital and we ran into each other in the waiting room.
Two other children son and daughter who were baptised also disassociated. Three other children never became JWs because of what had happened (yes I had 7 children).
So in not giving me and my family any love and support they lost 6 potential JWs.
I have often said if they had said "We'll get you on your feet. Give you the time and support you need" Then I could probably still be a JW.
But as it is I became a Christian and do my best to inform others about the Watchtower and its ways.
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WTWizard
More boasting sessions. More field circus. More work in helping the hounders. More study of the washtowels. More prayers. Not thinking of myself or the things I needed.
It didn't work.
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brinjen
I was on tranquilisers when I was 10 years old. On account of my dub grandmother who really had a way of making you feel you weren't worth the time of day. Contemplating suicide by age 13, I was convinced I wouldn't survive armageddon, that there was something drastically wrong with me. Grandmother liked to control people. She would also get into these 'fits' where she would scream at me all day without let up on how I didn't deserve to be born, no wonder my father didn't want me. Elders advice? "An answer when mild, turns away rage". Man I am sick to death of that bull**** scripture! They suggested taking a walk, temporary solution, only temporary. Had to go home at some stage to find my room ransacked and she would just pick up where she left off anyway.
Elders occasionally dropped by to lecture my mum on not owning a car (she had a severe phobia of driving) and by the time I was in my pre to early teens, I was spending quite a bit of time in the back room with them hearing about how I need to pull myself in line as I was becoming a bad influence on the congregation.
In the early nineties, the watchtower bought out a magazine on caring for the elderly. The congregation PO asked me if I read it and wanted to know how much of a help it was. I told him it wasn't as none of the information applied to our situation (which was true). Look on his face was priceless.
Then, when my mum died, I was given two weeks to "get over it" before the lectures started once again about my meeting attendance & ministry.
Elders way of dealing with depression? Sweep you under the rug, you may stumble someone otherwise...
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FlyingHighNow
Welcome, Anator.
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snowbird
Flipper, my brother, I was treated horribly by some and kindly by others.
One old-timer sister called me and proceeded to grill me until I told her I didn't feel up to talking with anyone. She hung up in a fit of pique.
One elder (who's now having back problems) was the picture of kindness. He let me know by words and deeds that he sympathized with me.
I was so low at times that I just felt like going to sleep and never waking up.
Once I quit the meetings, I began to improve.
Sylvia
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stillajwexelder
How Were You Treated as a Jehovah's Witness if You Had Depression ?
Badly - because you were not praying hard enough and not relying on Jah and looking forward to his new system. Also helped if you went on Field Service more
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flipper
I enjoyed hearing all the replies. I'm so sorry all of you have suffered so much. I'll reply to each one.
LOGIC & REASON- The arrogance of elders and ignorance they show in cases where they should be encouraging depressed witnesses is ridiculous. It is unforgivable the elders you describe showed this callousness towards this man and his wife. No doubt in my mind that this directly led to his wife committing suicide !
HORTENSIA- It is so weird how the witnesses take that Ecclesiastes scripture literally about, " Better to be in the house of mourning, than the house of rejoicing . " Twisted thinking. They would rather be sad, morose , and depressed than be happy ! I have never understood that !
JK- What a bastard fake elder claiming to be your friend ! He goes and steals your wife ? What a jerk ! I'm sorry you went through that my friend. If I had known you then - I'd have gone over there and messed that elder up good for you ! He would have forgot he even had balls at one time , after I got done with him !
FLYING HIGH NOW- I hear what you're saying. It's obvious that P.O. you mentioned and the other elders had their own agenda on how to " assist the weak ". Probably made you feel like you were being kicked in the stomach. I'm sorry you were so down and depressed sis. I know you have had a full plate with Andyand everything you have had to deal with. I truly wish you peace and hope things start improving for you. Take care.
LISA VEGAS- It is amazing your dad ( and other elders ) try to blame us for our own depression. Everything is our fault. I'm glad you found JWD and found solace here !
ANATOR- Welcome to the board friend ! You are among friends here who will understand what you have gone through. I totally agree with you ( as I saw this for 44 years in the witness organization ) that elders label and misuse the term " weak " and apply it to anybody not getting out in service, or attending meetings enough. They lump everybody into the same " weak " category - and it doesn't matter if you are sick, depressed, or missing meetings for ANY reason - they still label you as " weak". They definitely ARE NOT qualified to be counselors - you have that right my friend !
GORDY- I am so sorry you suffered like you did through the split with your wife and the way she and the elders treated you badly ! I hope you have been able to maintain a better relationship with your children who got out of the witnesses now ! I hope things go better for you friend.
WT WIZARD- Yeah- The elders tell us not to think of ourselves. Get busy in service, meetings. When we were told to disown ourselves - I really think they meant it way too literally.
BRINJEN- Your grandmother sounded extremely disrespectful of you ! Gawd ! I'm sorry she treated you that way ! The elders harassed you even right after your mother died to attend meetings that soon ? It shows the elders don't give a crap about showing empathy, fellow feeling, or even care about our feelings at all. All they care about is the outward appearance and numbers at the meetings. It's disgusting how they didn't even treat us like humans. Pisses me off to this day !
SNOWBIRD- I'm sorry you were treated badly - however at least the elder with the bad back showed you kindness . It is amazing that once we stop going to meetings - we become much happier ! I found that to be true as well !
STILLAJWEXELDER- Yeah- They always told us to pray more, rely on Jehovah more, it was always do this, do that - but the elders themselves would not take the time to help us with depression ! Twisted turds -
White Dove
My sister is being ignored.
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flipper
WHITE DOVE- Your sister is being ignored ? You'd think the elders would have learned their lesson ignoring your brother's situation. I do hope your sister gets some professional help- if the elders won't be there for her ! Good luck