Panhandlers (page 3)

Rapunzel

A blonde went to Pizza Hut to get an order. The guy behind the counter asked her - "Do you want me to cut it into six or twelve slices"?

She answered - "Oh, please cut it into six slices. I'm on a diet; and I could never eat twelve slices"!

A guy came home and found his blonde wife painting the kitchen. Strangely enough, she was wearing a fur coat and an expensive denim jacket. The guy asked his wife why she hadn't put on an old tee-shirt. The wife showed him the paint can, and said: "Can't you read? It says right here - 'For best results, put on two coats.'"

Two blondes are in a parking lot. They have locked their keys in their car and are trying to use a coat-hanger to open the door. The first one asks - "Did you manage to open it yet."

Her friend answers, "No. Not yet."

Then the first one yells: "Well, hurry up! It's about to rain and the f***ing top is down!"

Blonde girl A is standing on a river bank sees blonde girl B on the opposite river bank. Blonde girl A wants to cross over the river, so she yells over to blonde girl B - "Hey, how do I get to the other side"?

Blonde girl B replies - "What do you mean?. You are on the other side"!!!

Once there was a blond who was a contestant in a beauty pagent. The officials running the pagent thought that the winner should have both beauty and brains, so they came up with a list of questions. One of the judges asked the blond - "What's the capitol of Wisconsin"? At first, the blonde was stumped. Then, squealing with delight, she yelled - "Ooohh! I know!! The capitol of Wisconsin is 'W'"!!!

coolhandluke

I have one:

This joke takes place in the south. There are two little black boys going from one small town to another small town. They are riding one bike with one of the boys on the handle bars. The bike pops a flat and so they have to decide if they should go forward or back. Since they are about half way they decide to press on. They tell stories and jokes along the way.

A short time later along side of them pulls a semi truck. The driver says in a thick southern accent "Hey! You boys goin ta the next town?"

They looked at each other a bit confused and then told the driver that they were.

"Well, I'm haulin a load of bowlin balls, but you guys can put 'cher bike back there an get back there yer selves and I'll carry ya over ta the next town."

So they get in the back. This guy then starts driving like a maniac. He gets pulled over. Two cops get out. One is really angry with this guy. He takes protecting the highway seriously. So he starts yelling at him. His partner says he's going to check the load. Not a minute goes by and the cop returns from the back of the truck looking like he's seen the most horrible thing ever. He interupts his partner and tells him to let the guy go. He insists.

"You're lucky my partner is feelin real lucky mister. You take whatever the hell it is you're haulin and you get the hell off my road and you better not let me catch you bein a danger ta other people."

The driver pulls of carefully. Cop says to the other cop, "Okay, now you better tell me why we let that guy go."

Cop swallows hard and says, "Look, he was haulin a load of negro eggs. Two of em already dun hatched and one stole a bike."

snowbird

ROFL at CoolHandLuke!

If we can't laught at ourselves. we're a sorry bunch.

Sylvia

SnakesInTheTower

snowbird:

ROFL at CoolHandLuke! If we can't laught at ourselves. we're a sorry bunch.

Amen sistersnowbird..oooohh can I say that and not be labeled racist..

seriously...we are so damn worried about being PC we become worse than the religion we left....

I have black friends, I have hispanic friends, I have a blonde headed mother who sometimes makes other blondes look smart(just kidding..I love ya ma) but other times she is very profound... and they all tell jokes on themselves and laugh at some of mine. I wont apologize for laughing... if I worried about being PC all the time, I would have to become a mute.

laugh a little W007.... life is too short to worry about if a joke is racist or not...now if you see someone with a white robe and a burning cross in town.......then I might get concerned... (or just laugh at how damn foolish they look in their sheets)

Snakes ()

Awakened07

Here's a different take on the first one:

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers. They panhandle in different areas of a Southern California town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $100 bills, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

Carlos says to Jose, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $100 bills every day?'

Jose says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say?'

Carlos reads his sign. 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support.'

Jose says, 'No wonder you only get 2-3 dollars a day.'

Carlos asks, 'So what does your sign say?'

Jose shows Carlos his sign.
It reads, 'If you freely donate $100, I'll explain why we're here, what the meaning of life is, and other important questions you may have, through the revelations of my self-made religion'

momzcrazy

VERY FUNNY Rapunzel!!!!

Wish I could remember jokes better!

momz

Rapunzel

Momz - I have a confession that I wouldlike to make. I cheated; I got all of the jokes that I posted on-line. All that I had to do was google "dumb blonde jokes." And that's the only thing that you have to do. There have to be hundreds of websites devoted to jokes only. You like W.C. Fields jokes [For example - "I think children are a treasure. And they should be buried," or "I once injured my elbow while teaching a child how to swim"], well you can find a lot of them on line. Just google "W.C. Fields jokes."

The name is true if you are looking for quotes.

momzcrazy

Cheater cheater punkin eater!

momz

TJ - iAmCleared2Land

Cheater cheater punkin eater!

"You racist bastard!"

(LOL... just kidding!!! And if you don't know where that quote came from, you need to get out to YouTube more often. Credit goes to Jeff Dunham and his ventroliquist routine, Achmed the Dead Terrorist, for the above quote).

momzcrazy

"I kill you!"

I like Walter the best though.

Panhandlers

Share this