Do you raise your hand at every question in the WT study?
Do you say "Amen" to prayers that are total bullshit?
Do you call someone you would rather kill, "Brother?"
Do you ask your Elders if having your wife's breast in your mouth is "oral sex" and do you stop doing it if the Elder says "yes?"
When stopping at a crosswalk, do you wait for the green light before walking across the street even though there is not a car or a building within a 30-mile radius?
On Halloween night, do you stuff a Watchtower magazine in kids' candy bags or do you hide, close the drapes, turn out the lights and huddle around a muted TV until the kids stop coming?
Do you still come to morning meetings even when you have severe hangovers?
In your daily prayers, do you ask Jehovah to forgive you for masturbating knowing full and well you are going to do the same thing tomorrow and for years to come?
Do you pay to get all WT books leather bound and gold embossed with your name?
Is your book bag made by Gucci?
Do you feel guilty even THINKING about growing a moustache or sideburns? Are you jealous of the old sisters who are allowed to have them?
If a sister, are all your skirts at or below the knee?
If a married sister, do you feel guilty when you actually enjoy sex with your husband?
If a married man, do you feel guilty fantasizing about someone else when you are having sex with your wife? Do you consider that "adultery in the heart?"
Do you always arrive at the Kingdom Hall 45 minutes early?
Do you consider foreplay a sin?
Do you feel grossed out when you see a picture of the Virgin Mary with a halo on her head in some householder's home?
Can you name at least 75 JW jargon words and phrases in less than two minutes?
Do you own a blue 4-door Buick sedan?
Do you smile at the door while silently praying for God to massacre a rude householder?
Do you rejoice when a little 8 year old is baptized?
Do you actually look forward to God destroying 6.2 billion human beings?
Do you burn garage sale clothing or furniture when things are going badly in your life? Does that clothing or furniture scream when on fire?
Do you actually look forward to CO visits and assemblies?
Do you really read the WT literature?
Do you honestly believe that Christendom's Clergy "knash their teeth" when they heard the words "Jehovah's Witnesses?"
Do you believe 1975 was "no big deal?"
Did you rejoice when the "new light" on "this Generation" came out in 1995?
Do you believe that original copies of old WT magazines are doctored up apostate lies?
Do you believe Jehovah is "testing you" when WT predictions fail or major doctrines are changed?
Do you use a highlighter to underline every line of every paragraph in study articles AND also underline the masthead in the magazine?
Do you give Bible names to all of your pets?
Do you actually believe Moses was one of the "good guys?"
Do you turn in family members to the elders when they break the rules?
Have you ever had a Bible study that lasted longer than 10 years and the study never even went to a single meeting?
Do you continue to auxiliary pioneer even when you are in an oxygen tent in the hospital?
Are you so "spiritually mature" that you never pee your pants when 2 elders say they want to speak with you privately?
Do you think divorcing for "absolute spiritual endangerment" is Bible-Based?
Do you raise your hand and ask permission to use the bathroom during a meeting?
Do you pray for an unbelieving spouse to die before Armageddon in order to trigger the "automatic resurrection clause?"
Are you still happy 67 years later that you followed the advice on not marrying and having children in Rutherford's "Children" book?
Have you convinced yourself that Fred Franz was actually sane?
Did you get goosebumps when Nathan Knorr gave talks?
Do you believe that flatulence is a penalty for Adamic sin?
If you are a sister with a part in the Theocratic Ministry School and you forgot to bring a hat, does it never cross your mind that you look like a total idiot with a bath towel on your head?
If you answered "yes" to two or more of these questions, you are definitely a Watchtower Weenie!
Farkel
