help

by alone 20 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Hope4Others

  Some how I don't think that this will happen receiving any apology, depending on how much you need the job, I might be inclined to let it go...To me

  its obvious the guy has some personal issues going on and you just happened to be in the line of fire, things could blow over in a few weeks.

  Therefore, if I want to keep my job, which I do because it is close to my house (gas prices), the job market has slowed down (not a good time to be unemployed) and, I'm not in the best frame of mind to be starting a new job (going through alot of changes mentally after leaving org. after 20 years) I do have to have this matter settled. I plan on telling Vince that I don't approve of Gerry's behavior, that is was/is unacceptable. That I expect nothing less than a public apology. I also need an apology from him (Vince) for not interceding in my behalf, since he as an employer is obligated to provide a safe environment

  But you did barge in his office and give it back, your sorta even there.

  I wish you the best

  just my two cents

  h40
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  alone

  h4o, I did not barge into Vince's office (the boss), I went into Gerry's office, the one who was doing the bullying. If as it has been pointed out, I let it go now, they will have license to mistreat me again, & I won't give my permission.
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  Hope4Others

  Are they not partners? Then that would make them both bosses. not trying to upset you here, but I'm sure you will be looking for a new job if

  you proceed. They are brothers they will always cover each others ass in this business partnership.

  Sorry but that's how I see it.

  h40
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  alone

  h4o, they are not partnes, Gerry came on board well after Vince started the company. Gerry has a subordinate position. But they are brothers & being such as the saying goes, blood it thicker than water...we shall see if they stand up like men & act with integrity.
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  AnneB

  Everything that you are thinking makes good sense to me except the courtesy part. Please continue to say the customary "hello's" and "goodbye's", that's just natural human decency. You didn't like being mistreated, why stoop to mistreating others?

  You did well to talk to your boss about Gerry rather than to go to Gerry himself. In personal relations it's best to go directly to the other person, at work all things should be handled through the boss.

  Document! Document! Document! Write a statement describing the situation and give it to your boss. Keep a copy, of course. Do not share the contents with your co-workers either verbally or by sharing your copy of the statement. "He said" "She said" doesn't hold water in a situation like this. Write it down and turn it in!

  You are completely correct that if you are accepting of this situation that you will be losing ground and in line for more of the same. It's not unreasonable to want the air cleared. Just remember, it's different at work than in personal situations; at work Gerry answers to his boss and the boss transmits information to you. That means that an apology directly to you from Gerry probably won't happen, it's just not businesslike. Try not to look at that as a sign of disrespect, it may just be that the boss is trying to get things back on track and handled correctly. Remember, it was a misdirected communication that began this whole thing! Let Gerry talk to the boss and the boss talk to you; that will be the real victory.

  In the future, accept direction only from your boss unless he directs (in writing or in a group meeting where you have reliable witnesses to his words) otherwise.

  Best wishes to you!
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  Mr Ben

  Having been the "boss" for many years I have just one bit of advice for you. Whatever you choose to say, resolve to say it calmly. If they shout, wait, ask them not to shout, firmly, ask them to be calm, as you are calm, and state your point. If they continue shouting, tell them you are going to stand there and wait until they feel able to have a peaceful conversation, to resolve the issue properly, and you will not leave it until you all agree on a peaceful solution.

  Best of luck.
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  alone

  anneb & mr.ben, sound advice..thank you. a.
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  83501nwahs

  Playing the devil's advocate here. I can't count the number of times a woman (not all) has played the "you scared me card.' I have been known to have a booming voice at times and women (not all) often think I'm mad when I am not. As a teacher I work around women almost exclusively. My boss is a woman principal. Unfortunately almost every week some woman (not all) has some problem with something I said or the way I said something. I started keeping a log at some point. It is really maddening. It is really an evolutionary reaction that women have to be hyper sensitive and fearful. There is always (not really always) so much drama in a work environment filled with women (not all). Jesus! the petty shit I have to put up with on a daily basis makes me want to turn gay! You scared me, you scared me, over and over.
  
  Announcement, "there is no crying in any workplace allowed ever, unless someone has died." Women (not all) fought for the right to be in the workplace as man's equal, and once they got there they couldn't just accept men the way they are, but had to act like hissy bitches (not all) always (not really always) complaining and playing the "I'm scared' card to get everybody running to them with handkerchiefs and comfort. In the meantime, if men act like hissy petty bitches, they are not shown the same consideration. For example, I decided one day to tell the principal that a fellow teacher was extremely agressive and hostile towards me (and I was not making that up). She laughed me out of her office, nothing was done at all.
  
  In the work place men are expected to be men, but women (not all) can be insecure fearful children. Men are scary, but women aren't apparently.
  
  There is no crying in baseball or at work. Period. If you want to be on the team, you have to play by the same rules as everybody. Try standing up for yourself for christ's sake, like men are expected to do. Yet men can not stand up to a woman, because she will get scared and call the police or something ridiculous like that.
  
  Personally, I think you need to get over it and get over yourself. Stop crying and suck it up like a man would have to do. I worked in construction for many years and two guys getting in each other's faces screaming was not an uncommon thing. Sometimes it comes close to blows. But the next day, the two guys shake hands and it is never brought up again. A woman in the same situation would still be brooding a month later and demanding an apology.
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  alone

  83501 nwahs , you stated "trying standing up for yourself for christs sake, like men are expected to do" In fact, that is exactly what I did when I went into Gerry's office & told him I did not appreciate the way he spoke to me & it was unprofessional on his part.

  As far as being part of the "team", I have never had a problem with Gerry or Vince in the 2+ yrs. I've been there & have been professional in my behavior & demeanor, as well as respectful. I expect nothing less from them.

  You said "stop crying & suck it up like a man would have to do". In fact, I didn't shed a tear. Not at all. If you meant that literally. If you meant stop crying on the board, that is stating what happened, I was under the impression that this forum was for support, encouragement & for venting. In your opinion, is that not correct?
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  83501nwahs

  You are crying in the sense that you are comlaining about this situation in general. I'm not talking about the crying you are doing here on the board. I'm saying, you are crying about it right now by your demanding an apology and your inability to just shake it off like a man would be expected to do. Your skin is too thin.
  
  I actually lost a job once where my employer told me that my "skin was not tough enough" because I had whined about one of the managers always barking orders out. Later I heard that same guy had to apologize to a female worker for being too agressive. My complaint was again laughed at and I was told that I was not tough enough for the job and I was given the suggestion to move on, which I did (sound and lighting for an AV company.)
  
  You come here for support and that is great, but sometimes the best advice, especially if you want to be respected as an equal, is: get over it, move on, never bring it up again.