Like many I was about 7 or 8 when my parents were baptized. Being a child you naturally trust that your parents are doing the right thing and follow them. I was baptized at 15-how often I wish I could turn back the clock!
I would like to collect people's views to their parents. Personally, I have much love and respect for my parents and get along with them and is probably still a major reason why I am still going to meetings etc (other reason being my wife, but more on that in another topic (she has major doubts anyway)); however part of me is angry that as parents their responsibility is to protect their children from harm and joining a mind control cult harms children.
I have tried dipping my toes into the water to discuss how I feel with less controversial issues to test the water. I would not give up, I am the only 1 of 4 that ever got baptized, my siblings got out at around 16.
How does everyone else handle their relationship with their parents?
For those raised as a JW...
by DisconnectingDrone 20 Replies latest jw friends
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DisconnectingDrone
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flipper
Disconnecting Drone- I was raised in the witnesses from birth ; got out almost 5 years ago at age 44 . I get along fine with my aged ( 82 and 80 )year old witness parents as they respect my fade from the witnesses and they don't question me about my views and doubts of the organization. They have been witnesses since 1951 - so I don't try to change them , they won't change at this point.
Our parents did what they thought was best for us - when they did it years ago- so I don't hold anything against them. You see- people in a " mind control cult" don't realize they are in a " mind control cult ". That's part of the insidiousness and trickery that cults play on their members - you never really realize you were under mind control- until you get out or exit the cult. I know I didn't discover it till then ! So, just be respectful to your folks. Do they respect your doubts ? Are you close to them in an authentic, non-JW way ? Just curious. It could help you in your dealings with them -
shopaholic
How does everyone else handle their relationship with their parents?
Honestly, we just dance around the elephant in the room. Until they come right out and ask me, I've decided to continue dancing.
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changeling
Most witness parents were victims themselves and honestly felt they were doing the right thing raising their children in the truth. If you are fortunate to have "normal" though witness parents, good for you. There are some on this board who not only had a difficult chidlhood because of being witness but because their parents were kooky to begin with.
As for helping your parents learn the truth about the WT, remember that a person has to be ready to hear this info. If they show resistance to what you say, I would suggest you back off. Take it very slowly (unless you don't mind alienating them). Little by little let them adjust to your new position and realize you are still their loving son. In time you may be able to share more with them.
All the best,
chngeling :)
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yknot
"Born in"
I love my parents but they their deepness varies. They can espound profoundly about family, the planet, race, war and other things that effected their upbringing but then a minute later be singing along with the radio oblivious as to the lyrics coming out of their mouths or the overall 'UnChristian" message of the song..... from the Beatles through the 70's..... Oh but guess who's music was screened...is still screened? AAAACCCCCKKKKKK
I get frustrated at them for their expectation of me to always "aware" yet they both can be quite clueless to the details of religion and faith. I think however this might work for me in the end.
So far Mom and I have discussed the UN thing, OSCE and Bulgaria. She hasn't refuted so far but alas it is the "where will we go", what about the gathering of ourselves.......and yall all know the rest. I also think the admitance to being duped and raising your children in a cult keeps the denial going.
BTW....informal poll on Sunday in the parking lot....all but 6 families (oldtimers) would leave the JWs if they had a "place to go". Concept is wearing thin.....Yippeee
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orangefatcat
I was not raised as a JW. But both my parents had families that were JWs,
My father ran away when he was 14. That is when his mom and dad became witnesses. My dad was hurt and shocked.
My moms father was a JW but never got baptized. He died before the assembly he was to be baptized at according to my fathers parents. I don't believe them but that is a different matter.
I was 13 when parents began to study and dad was baptized in siix months. We celebrated our last Christmas in 63, really a bummer. Oh hell I was mad, no more going to church with my grandma, not confirmation, not more holidays, or birthdays all shoved down my throat in one quick gulp I was told we were becoming witnesses and that everything in our lives are going to change and for the better. My I thought he had downed another JD and a 24 and it was all just a momentary nightmare. But no it was not. the next 38 years would prove to be hellish and I wasn't happy a day until I walked out of the organization and never looked back. Thank you God.
I have often wondered if either of my folks regret being JW's even though they gave the immpression they were super happy. I can tell you differently that prior to every meeting and going out in the service, dad and mom would start fighting about something. I really thought mom didn't want to get involved. It took her almost three years before she was baptized. I don't think she was happy at all. But she has stayed in it, I think pride or fear keeps her connected to the organization. I can't think of any other reason.
I wonder if my parents had been honest with themselves they may have never been truly deep down JW's. I recall several years ago prior from my leaving the organzatin in 99 mom said to me, she wishes at times she was no longer a JW. Wow was I flabberghasted. My mom not wanting to be a JW anymore. That is like saying she something unthinkable on her part. But it showed to me that my mother was having doubts. And was not happy as a JW.
I t hink she regretted saying that because she was a tad red in the face and just not acting like her normal self.
So why could my mom and sisters feel angry with me? AS my sister left when she was about 15 and left for 14 years. She didn't have much to say when I told her I was leaving the JWs and my ex husband. She was I think lost for words, and then she said to me, I can't say to you you shouldn't do this or that with your life as I was the same I left for along time. She said in our last conversation , "but Terry I am certain there isn't another year left in this world or system of things. At most maybe just maybe 2 years," I have many times over these last nine years thought of our conversation and I wonder what she feels like now that Armeggadon didn't come as the society has left people believing in for over 120years or more. Does she regret returning to the witness.? I bet she does.
And I strongly believe mom feels the same way, (why hasn't the end come)?. Maybe just maybe mom sees the Society is not the truth that they force you to believe in. My mom is a smart person that is why I can't figure out why she can't see the witnesses are not the true faith.
Even when I was baptized at age 17 I still regret it very much, because my parents weren't honest with us. I was constantly reminded if I were to disobey the faithful and discreet slave, then I would be kicked out onto the streets. Now isn't that just loving? Notice he didn't say if you disobey God and his wrtitten word, no it was the FDC. Sheesh what a terrible existance my live was.
I hope the day comes when one of them contacts me and says they want out of the organization. I am just bidding my time.
Orangefatcat
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SPAZnik
How do I handle my relationship with my parents? By keeping a respectable distance between us. When we do interact, I keep in mind that my focus is simply to be the best daughter I'm able to be under the circumstances. To me, interacting with family is about love, not about 'being right'. I'm confident enough in my own path and choices at this point that I don't feel the need to push my beliefs on others or depend on others for their approval. Mostly, I find that all my folks really need is the occasional reassurance that I'm okay and that they didn't completely eff me up in their best efforts at raising me. Actions speak louder than words. The rest is just details. I've also come to take complete responsibility for when and how I interact with them. By this I mean, if I know I'm not in the frame of mind to handle interacting with them, I won't answer the phone or engage in whatever interaction until I am.
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babygirl75
I have a lot of love & respect for my parents. I do miss the close relationship that we once had.
One night after meeting with my parents for dinner; we ended up having a heated debate over many issues dealing with the JW's. At the end before leaving, my dad took me in his arms and with tears in his eyes he told me "I wouldn't tell you something that wasn't true". They honestly, wholeheartedly, believe that it is the truth! I've come to accept that the is the only way of life for them, and we just have to learn to have that mutual respect for one another. I think they too have come to terms with the fact that I will not be coming back. I do wish that they never learned the religion and that we could be a "normal" family; I can't but wonder what life would have been like then & how it would have turned out now...........
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jaguarbass
I was raised from birth as a witness by my mother. I figured out how to escape at 31 in 83. I have an anger towards both of my parents. My mother let them tell me over and over again education is of no value. I heard that from the time I was a young child. I never paid attention in school and my parents never made me pay attention or do school work. So I have an anger towards both parents for forcing me to be in a mind controll cult. My father died about 5 years ago. He was never a witness but he allowed it. And it was convenient for him. He allowed others to instruct me and raise me and brainwash me, while he went out and played. I moved a way from my parents in 81 when I was 28. I live in Florida, they in Cleveland. I dont see my mother much. So there is no contact to build a relationship. The only thing I remember about my mother is she was against everything. All the good and pleasurable things in life, her and the JW's were against. That is the woman I remember from 25 years ago. She lives in another state and I rarely talk to her. Mainly what I remember about here was JW related, meetings and negativity. So I just leave sleeping dogs lie. It's not like I can find it in me to say at 55 after being a witness for 31 years and breaking out under the threat of being disfelloshiped and ostracized, Mom you were a great and wonderful mother. There were no birthdays or Christmas or Halloweens or playing on sports teams everything was bad and wrong. So I just leave it. I dont see or feel I have much to build a relationship on with my mother. And Its complicated by 1200 miles and long distance phone calls. I will say, if she lived here or I lived there, I would probably visit here regularly. But its not that way.
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lilyflor
I was raised a JW since the age of 10. My dad is not a JW.
I am angry at my dad for not caring. He never believed in the JWs, but he did not care enough about his kids to stand up for them or investigate or spend any time with them. I know how hard it is to have a wife that is more loyal to the JWs that her husband, it can be overwhelming, but he never cared either way about anything in his children's lives. But this is a theme in his life, as even today he does not give a sh** about anything other than soccer/hockey.
I am angrier still at my mom. I understand that my mom was a victim of this cult. She however is no longer a victim, she now chooses to follow the GB. I have told her every little thing I have found out about thier abuses, lies and munipulation, and she does not care. She makes an informed choice to choose the GB over her children and grandchildren and she does not regret any past choices. I don't remember ever loving her as a mom, it is hard to when there is no relationship. The only time she ever spent with us was at meeting or on service, that was it. As a mother myself now, I don't understand her choices.
For me being a JW was a very lonely time in my life.
lily.