Hey everyone, I am thinking of having a tree this year for the very first time since I stopped going to the KH. Although I am not disfellowshipped and I have not written a letter to disassociate, the closest friends I have had over the years as a Witness have all chosen to avoid me and my family unless we return to the Hall. Unofficial shunning by those who we have loved. I know that once they see a tree, they will feel justified now to treat us as if disfellowshipped. However, all the years I was a devout witness, I always dreaded Christmas. That is because I had loved it so much before becoming a JW. I remember the last Christmas I celebrated was very hard. The witnesses told me that it was 'too bad if your family gets offended, is it better to offend Jehovah'. In those days my mom worked nights and depended on me to decorate the tree. So rather than listening to the witnesses I trimmed it for the last time before getting baptized so that my mom could come home from work and see it all lit up. After that I got baptized and for the Christmases following, I would always have a houseful of "friends from the Hall" on that day as we isolated from those family members celebrating Christmas. But no matter how hard I tried to compensate for not celebrating, I would always feel sad that time of the year as I watched the lights and all the excitement in the air at that time. The memories of Christmas spirit were always in my heart. Now, years later my mom is passed away and never got to enjoy Christmas with me the way she used to before I became a JW. I wish she were alive today so I could tell her how sorry I am for taking that away from her. Now, even though my children have chosen to stop going to the KH, I still feel regret, that although we had many happy "gatherings" and gift giving on "special days" other than holidays, they never knew the wonderful joy Christmas brings. You don't have to spend a lot of money to do that. It is the family togetherness and wonderful smells and lights that trigger this feeling. This year Christmas will be new for our family, and although I don't expect our children to be putting a Christmas tree up, they are finding ways to enjoy this season anew. Now out of the Borg, our family will begin to start new traditions and memories and this is something to look forward to. But I also forsee the JW's giving us a hard time since my children have married JWs even though they are no longer attending meetings and will never go back. It should be interesting, but I no longer will have fear of man. I have researched Christmas in a new way and have come to realize it is not as evil as WT teaches. The real ugliness is the WT. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I really need to get some encouragement with this decision and it's reprecussions.
Christmas
by ARoarer 15 Replies latest jw friends
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Xena
Well I am not sure how far we are going to go with Christmas this year...I would LOVE to decorate the outside of the house with lights and have a huge tree...but just not sure we want to cut all the ties just yet.. Last year we had a small tree in we kept in the office and then on Christmas Eve we took it downstairs. We enjoyed decorating it and admiring our work
But I do know this year my daughter is going to sit on Santa's lap! We saw him at the mall last night and she is so excited! You are so right ARoarer, Christmas is about more than the gifts...it is the sights and smells and excitement...the family gathering...happy people...lol I love it!
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ARoarer
Thanks Xena, I hope your little one will love Santa's lap. Yes I do know what you mean about not being sure about cutting ties yet. I think that is what has kept us from doing it. But the reality is that those of our cherished friends did that already. A powerful lesson in recognizing the difference between conditional and unconditional love. It was key in helping me to begin to move on and form new relationships not dependent on the Kingdom Hall. And an awesome feeling to be accepted and invited to parties for ourselves and not based on intolerance of religious choices in matters of conscience.
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Mommie Dark
Roarer, I wish you all the joy of the season in whatever way you choose to express it.
During the transition out of the JW mindset, it's important that we not feel pressured to take up any customs that give us further emotional turmoil.
It helped me a lot to think of the season in non-religious terms; I concentrated on the family aspect of holiday times. The pre-Christian reasons for celebrating during the darkest time of the year made sense to me; first we honor the dead at harvest time, then we give thanks for another year's bounty, and then in the cold dark heart of the winter when the nights are longest, we make a joyful noise and bring light to the heart of that darkness with human voices and human kindness.
Since God is no longer a working member of our household, we make the most of the milk of human kindness, blend it into some tasty eggnog, and pass it around to all who pass our way. This works for us; what works for you will of course be unique to you.
If Christianity is still your paradigm, then concentrate on that aspect of the season. It's important that whatever celebrating you do be from the heart, unhindered by useless guilts and social expectations. Holidays are supposed to be joy-filled; if they're not, you're probably pushing too hard.
Most important... RELAX! Have fun with your family. Make memories. That's what holidays are supposed to be about. Do whatever feels right for YOU and forget about what JWs may think of it. If a gorgeous shiny tree makes your heart sing, go for it! Rejoice in it!
Just remember, the meaning of the season resides in your heart and the hearts of those you love and those to whom you reach out. Please don't let anyone dictate to you what methods you should use to express that meaning.
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NeonMadman
Although I am not disfellowshipped and I have not written a letter to disassociate, the closest friends I have had over the years as a Witness have all chosen to avoid me and my family unless we return to the Hall. Unofficial shunning by those who we have loved. I know that once they see a tree, they will feel justified now to treat us as if disfellowshipped.
If you are putting a tree where any and all can see it, you might find that it does more than make your family "feel justified now to treat us as if disfellowshipped," it might just bring the elders to your door looking to disfellowship you for real. I have heard of numerous cases where individuals had 'faded away' from the Borg and had pretty much been left alone, sometimes for many years, until they put up holiday decorations. That brought the elders stampeding to their door, looking to get their jollies with a quick and easy disfellowshipping.
I'm not saying you shouldn't put up a tree, I'm planning on doing that myself; just be aware of what the consequences might be, and give some advance thought to how you'd handle an unexpected visit from the elders.
Tom
"The truth was obscure, too profound and too pure; to live it you had to explode." ---Bob Dylan -
Julie
Greetings to all:
MD said:
It helped me a lot to think of the season in non-religious terms; I concentrated on the family aspect of holiday times. The pre-Christian reasons for celebrating during the darkest time of the year made sense to me; first we honor the dead at harvest time, then we give thanks for another year's bounty, and then in the cold dark heart of the winter when the nights are longest, we make a joyful noise and bring light to the heart of that darkness with human voices and human kindness.
Since God is no longer a working member of our household, we make the most of the milk of human kindness, blend it into some tasty eggnog, and pass it around to all who pass our way. This works for us; what works for you will of course be unique to you.
If Christianity is still your paradigm, then concentrate on that aspect of the season. It's important that whatever celebrating you do be from the heart, unhindered by useless guilts and social expectations. Holidays are supposed to be joy-filled; if they're not, you're probably pushing too hard.
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Bygod MD that is one eloquent piece of advice. You keep spreading enlightened, happy messages like that and you will be blowing your I-am-a-smeggin'-hardass image to bits.
Loved every word of your reply--
Julie -
Mommie Dark
LOL Julie can't smegging hardasses have holiday cheer too? Now what would a smegging hardass DO to celebrate?
Well, first we have the annual Attack of the Killer Santas, where I set up my tiny Xmas village and arrange much bigger Santas from around the world in a flanking maneuver around it... this is a family tradition now and one we all look forward to with glee.
Then there is the giant fuzzy spider that is a permanent fixture hanging in the living room; he gets a web o' lights each Xmas season, a tiny santa cap and a stocking with little trinket bugs in it.
Then there is the Dr. Demento Christmas recordings, the heinously funny South Park Christmas songs, the vintage 'smutty' Christmas tunes my precious hubby collects...
Enlightened? Oh HELL no...but I do occasionally wear my special infrared specs for spiritual darkness. Happy? Grinning like an idiot all through the season!
Love
MD
'smegging hardass class' -
Princess
They might decide to df you when they see the tree, or they might just leave you alone. We have had lights for the past three years and a tree for the past two. Everyone knows it, no one has called. We really don't care if they do. Christmas is a great time of year. I love it! My five year old is so excited he can hardly stand it.
I vote for the tree ARoarer. It adds so much cheer to your house, you can't help but smile when you look at it.
Princess
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Judith
Don't know if I am buying a tree this year. I have no ornaments or decorations so it would be a big project. I did see a 3 foot high fiber optic tree I may get. I am going to buy a reindeer from K-Mart that is made of wire and white lights and it's head moves. That I am putting on my front porch because it makes me happy to look at it. Guess I will do what feels right at the time. Gotta go and put my first Xmas wreath on the door.
JBB
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safe4kids
Hey Aroarer,
I agree with most folks here...do what makes you and your family happy, but be prepared for possible negative consequences.
MommieDark...I'm with Julie (hmmm, seems to happen frequently!) I love what you wrote! You can't completely hide that deep, sensitive side of your personality and I for one would hate it if you did. Hope all is well with you!
The tree is probably my favorite part of Christmas..when I was a JW kid, I would go to my friends' homes and stare at their trees...I loved the way they looked and the way they smelled. Now, my kids and I so look forward to picking out our tree and decorating it. I smile every time I walk by it or catch a whiff of the pine scent. Christmas is the best!!
Dana
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...
Closing Time, Semisonic