Does anyone else have a problem with conformity?

by milligal 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  milligal

  My goal in posting this question was not to insult or offend anyone-which I obviously failed at. Apologies all around. What I was specifically asking is if anyone else has trouble fitting into communities or cultures where a high degree of conformity is expected such as what existed within the JW's.

  For example, I went to my new Dr. after moving here, she told my 3 year son to sit down and be quiet during the appointment and told me I should not be going to school full time I should be taking care of my children instead. That's not me trying to change anyone else-that's me trying not to be forced into change. My husband and I went to a counselor after he got back from Iraq for some post deployment stress, the counselor told us in the first fifteen minutes of the appointment that we have communication problems and we need to go to church.

  I cannot simply say 'okay, I'll do whatever I'm told' and I am tired of constantly being barraged by members of the community on how I SHOULD be living my life (more like theirs). Now I may have made the mistake of saying this is happening in the 'south' let's just say it's happening in a bible belt area and I find the people here to be highly religious, judgemental and bossy. I don't share this with them, I just don't return to those that treat me this way....it's getting lonely.

  As far as raising my children as Castro's or Hitler's I won't respond to that, let's keep these discussions respectful.
• 

  hillbilly

  If manners, , respect for elders and acting like you have some 'raisin equals conformity in your mind you need to move back up north or whatever direction it takes.

  One of my step kids got sent here ... social promotion, rewards for "breathing" and general lack of respect for anything or anybody was the norm for the area he was in. So far he has learned how to say Yes Ma'am (sir) or No Ma'am (sir)... The "Fbomb" will get a 3 day suspension and If your fail classes you will sit your ass in summer school or do the grade over. What he had learned so far in life...well, he could not lead a dog... and his mind was so lazy he couldnt be much of a thinker.

  That suspension also got him out of bed at 5 am for 3 days. I hauled him to work with me. He got to deal with 3-12 hour days ..instead of eating bon-bons and watching garbage on TV. His manners and mouth improved a whole lot after that.

  If thats your version of "conformity" you are part of the problem. If you want your kids to think and lead... discipline has to be part of the process.

  BTW...Southeners are not shy about giving advise. If you want to live there adjust.

  Hill
• 

  John Doe

  My goal in posting this question was not to insult or offend anyone-which I obviously failed at. Apologies all around. (...)I find the people here to be highly religious, judgemental and bossy. I don't share this with them, I just don't return to those that treat me this way....it's getting lonely.

  Please accept my apologies for being snippish. Interestingly, "judgmental and bossy" is how I read your post. I see that you did not intend it to be that way, and I should not have been as defensive. It does, however, make your comment about not sharing those traits seem rather ironic. Cheers.
• 

  undercover

  Well, speaking as a Southerner...

  My first response when a Yankee bitches about how we do things is to remind them that the road runs boths ways...don't like it here, go back.

  But...I do understand what you're saying about not conforming. Even though I'm Southern, having been raised as a JW has made me not your typical Southerner. As a JW it was uncomfortable not being able to conform with my heritage but now that I'm out, the one thing I've learned is to be more accepting of different people and have come to appreciate and even admire people who decide to live their lives in non-conformist ways.

  I too don't conform in a lot of ways, not only with my JW family, but with my neighbors, my workmates. Since leaving the JWs behind, I tend to be more open to new ideas or radical ones even. Most people in my area are conservative and slow to change. It's frustrating at times...thinking that they're being ignorant. But when I spend time with non-JW family out in the country, I appreciate their simple lifestyle despite the trappings of church and conservative politics.

  The main thing for Northerners moving South, is to just take things a little slower. Don't assume anything, don't push anything. We may be slow to accept you at first but when we see that you're good people, we'll treat you as one of us. It just takes a while, just as it does for a Southerner to get used to big city life up north.

  I read a book awhile back about life in the United States before the Civil War and the writer made an interesting point that the North and South were doomed to clash whether the war happened or not. The regions, the people, the cultures are just too different. He mentioned that it might have been better had the two regions become seperate countries, each with it's own heritage and culture. In time, they would have become allies, just as Great Britain and the Colonies did. Interesting theory, but I can see the reasoning behind it.
• 

  MissingLink

  I think we all need to band together and be non-conformist. Everyone with me?
• 

  undercover

  I think we all need to band together and be non-conformist. Everyone with me?

  Ok...everybody repeat the non-conformist's oath after me: I promise to be different... I promise to be unique... I promise not to repeat things other people say
• 

  milligal

  Undercover-good thoughts, I've thought along those lines before BUT let me reiterate...I'm not judging 'the south' as much as the specific community I'm in. I won't assume every southern community has the same personality.

  Hillbilly-your post was thought provoking....but not in a good way (I mean that light heartedly). I could see a lively debate over how to raise kids. When I say I want my kids to be leaders and critical thinkers; here is an example: The child protective servive system in many states is a broken system, social workers consistently put 'abuse' and 'neglect' into pre-determined files. For instance if you leave a mark on your child you have abused him -if there is no mark then there was no abuse. you could choke your child and not be guilty of abuse, or your child could fall and hit his head and you are guilty of neglect. In these instances the responsible person is not using their own ability to think-they are just doing what they are told. Wouldn't the world be a better place if more people were trained to think issues like these through? That is what I mean by critical thinking and leadership-not accepting the easy way and the status quo but feeling confident to use their minds and experiences to make decisions. Teaching a child absolute conformity might make them easier to live with but it kind of kicks progress in the ass. (can I say ass here?)

  John Doe-thanks for understanding my miscommunication
• 

  MissingLink

  I promise to be different... I promise to be unique... I promise not to repeat things other people say
• 

  VoidEater

  Jaguar says, "How can you be a leader without conforming and towing the party line, unless you are raising a Hitler or Castro."

  Or a Ghandi.
• 

  VoidEater

  An important point to remember: when you move to a new area, you become a part of that area. You have the opporutnity to introduce your own mores and values - and sometimes it may seem you are tyring to reshape an in-bred backwater, or a chaotic urbania.

  A culture is the sum of its parts. You are part of the culture. You can "pass" or you can stand for your positions.

  You may get stoned. You may open a few eyes.

  Being different is not instrinically disrespectful (you can even agree with folks disrespectfully).

  As a witness, I was the nonconformist. I was the kid that got physically assaulted (by students and teachers) for not saluting the flag, for not taking blood, for coming to their doors on Saturdays. So, yes, being a noncomformist - even a harmless, respectful one - can lead to difficult times. There are crazy people everywhere.

  Another nonconformist goes to a fetish street fair and decries the horrors of what they see. They seek out a community, post pictures of the happenings on the Internet, and villify and demonize what they don't like.

  Ostracism and villification. Perhaps there are more effective ways to deal with differences? Other than segregation?