JW inlaw issue...need help please :)

TinyDancer124

I have a little dilemma.

My ex-husband and I divorced 6 years ago, when our daughter was 14 months old. He disassociated himself almost immediately. I stayed in for awhile, but then sort of faded away. I finally sent in my letter of disassocation a few weeks ago. My ex's parents pretty much want nothing to do with him anymore, but they still want to see our daughter (she's 7 1/2 now). That responsibility has been left on my shoulders and I've been allowing it since my daughter has fun with them and loves them. They live a couple of hours away and we meet in the middle and she'll spend a weekend here and there with them. My ex doesn't want her to see them, but he says it's up to me. And, as I said, I've been allowing it.

I don't want to anymore. I work full-time, so pretty much only get to spend 2 weekends per month with her, since she's with her father the other 2 weekends of the month. Not to mention the ex-inlaws insist on taking her to the KH and studying with her when she's visiting them and it's really confusing to her. She actually preaches to me sometimes! :(

My ex-mil just emailed me wanting to see my daughter for a weekend this month. I don't want to allow this. If I tell them I'm disassociated, that *might* take care of the problem itself, but I would feel bad since my daughter enjoys being with them.

Help! :(

Sorry this got so long.

TinyDancer124

momzcrazy

I would not even bring the JW thing into it. Tell her that you are really wanting to spend more time with her. You have fun things planned. Maybe they can see her on a Sunday afternoon, after meeting. Go to dinner with them or something, while you prepare for the week ahead.

momz

OnTheWayOut

I don't have kids, so take my advice with that knowledge.

There's no way my kid would be allowed to go to the hall with them.
It's a mind-control cult that implants fears. Your kid already had too much
exposure at the hall. It's starting to effect her.

"I am very sorry. I cannot allow you to have my child for weekends. You take
her to that Kingdom Hall. I am not disassociated and have no intention of
allowing my child to learn the message from the false prophets of WTS."

"You can come here to have supervised visitation, but that's it."

Yes, I feel you should tell them you are DA, but so much more needs to be
said. You can tell your daughter why you don't want her to go to the KH, with
as much information as is age-appropriate, but firm truthful information. If the
grandparents don't make an effort to work within the new boundaries, you can
tell her that you are not forbidding them to see her, but the religion they are in
is causing the problem.

Robert7

Quick background... I have 2 kids... and I have seen too many families torn up by this faith...

I think that you should keep the welfare and needs of the kids ahead of religion. The kids deserve to have a relationship with their grandparents. It is not fair to use religion as a reason to not have a relationship.

I would suggest that you be very up-front that they can have the kids, but they should not attend any meetings. You value their relationship, but you do not believe in the faith and since YOU are the parent, you have the right to raise your kid in any religion you want.

If the MIL is in any way reasonable, she should value the relationship far over battling whether she takes them to the Kingdom Hall. And if she makes a big deal of it, she is obviously more interested in brainwashing the kids instead of forming a relationship with them.

TinyDancer124

That's what my ex's wife told them. (My ex and his wife have a 3 year old daughter). She told them that she won't allow her daughter to set foot in a KH or be involved in that cult in any way. Yes, she actually said those words. I'm more of a wimp lol. Anyway, that's why they never see their other granddaughter...just because her mother won't let her go to the KH! My daughter does get exposed to it a little bit since my mother is still a JW, but not as much. My mother is definitely not as "zealous" as the ex-inlaws are.

jamiebowers

IMHO, I think your ex and his current wife have it right. Aside from the fear mongering, there are also protected pedophiles within the jw congregations. Why on everything that is holy, would you allow your child to be taken to the kh whether it be by either the maternal or paternal grandparents? And another thing; you give up one of the two weekends in a month's time to your ex's parents? Shouldn't that be his responsibility? One more thing; you drive halfway to meet them? This just gets more unreal by the minute. If the paternal grandparents want to see the child, why don't they drive to where you live, stay in a hotel and visit throughout the week? If they're not retired yet and not available during the week, how about doing so during holidays? There's got to be a better way than how you're doing it now. You can leave the da out of it if you wish, but you definitely need to stop coddling them. They are in a cult and are actively trying to drag your poor little kid into it. They have no right to expect you to give up one of your weekends and drive half way to meet them when their own son won't do the same.

jamiebowers

Another thought: your ex doesn't want his parents to see your child. Did you ever ask him why? Don't you think he knows them just a little bit better than you do? By allowing them to see your child, you are not allowing the paternal grandparents to suffer the consequences of them shunning their own son. Since you made the mistake of allowing a relationship to develop, it probably wouldn't be a good idea to cut your daughter off from them completely. But their visitation should be restricted as described above. As far as you being da'd is concerned, telling them would be a good idea. Hopefully they will shun you as they do their son, and it will be a good example for your child. She will learn at a tender age just what the jws really are about.

TinyDancer124

They only see her 3 or 4 times a year, it's not every month. I think the last time they saw her was in the Fall. They attempted to contact me again in March, but I ignored the email. I'm ready to do something though. Honestly, I didn't really think it was all bad that she attended a few meetings a year, but after all the research I've done in the past 6 months or so, I realize how wrong I was. I didn't find out that my ex didn't want them seeing our daughter until pretty recently.

I'm definitely going to respond that I don't want her attending the KH and if they want to see her, they'll have to come to us and can take her out for lunch or something. I thought I was doing the right thing before.

LovesDubs

They most likely want her one weekend this month to take her to the District Convention! So DONT DO IT. There is NO WAY IN HELL any one RELATIVE OR NOT would be allowed to take MY kids to THEIR cult meetings....and if you allow this to continue one day it will turn on you. Tell them they can see her but will NOT be allowed to take her to ANY meetings during those visits and if they insist on doing so then their visits will be limited to a day here or there, no overnighters and if they STILL go there will only be supervised visits. This is YOUR child honey. Stop being a wimp. If they want a relationship with the child they will forfeit those meetings to be with her. Her spiritual upbringing is YOUR responsibility and that is Biblical. Somebody elses zealousness will not "save" your kid.

I hate that JWs think they can do whatever the F they want to and SAY whatever the F they want to.

UUUURGH

Balsam

My son and I are both disfellowshipped, has a son with a girl he was involved with for 2 years. She was never a JW but can see the dangers of the cult mentality rampant in the JW's. My grandson is now 2 1/2 and my ex-husband still a JW & remarried spends time with Ayden now he is bigger. But taking him to the KH is not allowed. As he gets older I think Heather will possibly not allow Ayden to spend the night anymore because of the religion. He comes to stay with me and my husband and we have a wonderful time with him. Its a touchy situation but you've got to protect your daughter she is at an age to be easily influenced by the cult. It may mean preventing her seeing her grandparents without supervision and you being there to keep them from preaching to her.

Ruth

JW inlaw issue...need help please :)

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