Sometimes in my mind I go back to the beginning of my JW experience which for me was a very long time ago when I got really excited when the Awake and Watchtower came through the letter box after I paid for a yearly subscription, just to cover the printing costs you understand.In those far off days long gone in my gullible inexperienced just finished school days I really thought here was a religion to believe in ,to trust,to tell the entire world about and to show others the pretty pictures of the New World as depicted in the books and magazines.At that time I would have literally given my life in order to get through Armaggedon.I really thought it was the greatest and only true religion on the planet and in my naive young mind I thought we were living with all the other brothers and sisters in a truly new world society,no more fighting for your countries wars,no more adultary,lying ,cheating,envy, money grabbing, murder etc.just the thought of holding on untill the big A . and I couldn't for the life of me see why everyone who I spoke to about it wouldn't believe in the message of the Watchtower.I thought the assemblies depicted how we would all get along with love in the New World.Thats how daft I was.
Then one day a seed of doubt entered my mind which at first I dismissed as the devil leading me astray this devil concept was also backed up by a brother , a congregational overseer,telling me it was so.I thought he was right until I discovered that due to his doubts he had stopped going to the meetings ,and then I was introduced to another brother who was classed as spiritually week even though he had refused to go into the millitary and went to prison, he came out of prison with doubts about the so called truth.I thought to myself how can someone be so convinced about his beliefs that he would go to prison for it and then suddenly realise he had been wrong.
Then I gradually grew wiser and older ,the scales began to drop from eyes as I witnessed at first hand a hell of a lot of hypocrisy within the so called clean organisation.I went on to learn about Beth Sarim and the many changes of doctrine which resulted in new light and many, many examples of the lack of true love and care within the so called New World Society. All they were interested in was how many hours you managed to put in each week and whether you were in the clique.The list of reasons not to believe grew endless until at last just as you can fall out of love with someone the love evaporated it just vanished into thin air never to return, and I wonder sometimes where does love go when it drops down dead.
And I realise that without true substance being in love with something or for that matter someone is a figment of the mind.