Speaking as someone who has never been a JW and knew almost nothing about the religion before March this year, (ie a worldly person), I am looking at this topic from a different perspective than most of you.
Far from judging you as idiots or freaks for previously being taken in by this religion, I have the greatest respect for you. The crucial element as others have said, is that little word "EX" in front of the words "Jehovah's Witness". That word 'ex' should be worn metaphorocally on your forehead as a badge of intelligence and pride.
For those who were born in or joined as children, you had no choice about what happened to you, but you deserve huge admiration for having the brains, courage and determination to get out, or to currently be in the process of doing so. Many of you have faced enormous challenges and overcome seemingly impossible obstacles to achieve your freedom. That deserves respect.
For those who were converted as adults, you need to remember that you are not the only ones in the world that made a mistake, EVERYONE makes errors of judgement........... a bad career choice, an unwise financial investment, an unsuitable spouse, bad choice of friends etc. You just happened to choose the wrong religion, (I'm not saying there's a right religion, but hopefully you know what I mean!) I would guess that in almost all cases, you chose to join the JWs at a time when either you had not yet found your true identity and purpose in life and were searching for something, or at a time when your emotions were in control rather than your head. And now you have also seen the light and proved your intelligence, courage and determination. So please try not to feel ashamed or guilty - it's completely unnecessary!
I suggest you could look on your JW years as if you have been on an gruelling journey to the Arctic where you developed snow-blindness and frost bite, became hopelessly lost for a time wandering on the ice in ever-decreasing circles, were cut off from the world, fell down deep crevasses, fought off agressive polar bears and almost starved, but in spite of all this you survived and reached civilisation and warmth again. You should be as proud to tell your JW story as an Arctic explorer would be to tell of his/her adventures. You have triumphed against all the odds and lived to tell the tale, and have a lot more to be proud of as a consequence than others who never had such difficult challenges in their lives.
To those of you who are afraid to tell people about your past because you think no one who has not been a JW member will understand, just check that you are not holding on to vestiges of the WTS teaching that all worldly people are selfish and uncaring. From what I have seen, JWs are very judgemental and intolerant so if you are newly out of the religion, you may think that everyone else in the world is like that and will continue to treat you in the same way. Of course some worldy people are just as bad or worse than bigoted JWs but don't tar everyone with the same brush; in my experience most worldly people are very understanding and symathetic. Just don't dump everything about your past on them in one go and expect them to understand immediately. Some will be compassionate, some will be indifferent, but few if any will think you are stupid. If they don't show interest or empathise, it's their loss and you don't need to be ashamed.
If you tell someone that you used to be a JW and there is an awkward silence or they change the subject, don't automatically assume they are judging you negatively, it's more likely that THEY are the one feeling inadequate and embarrassed as they don't know what to say. Some people are not comfortable discussing topics which are outside their own experience.
Also they may be assuming that you are a "religious" person and therefore have very high moral standards and they are inwardly panicking that you are judging their less than perfect morals. A Methodist Minister I knew a few years ago told me that he was used to people asking him at social occasions what he did for a living and when he told them, it immediately killed the conversation. But he realised that often the silence was because they were suddenly conscious that a few moments before, they had sworn or told a dirty joke or something! He was good at quickly putting people at ease as he was not judgemental and could tell a few dirty jokes himself, but it's worth remembering this when you mention your past JW status.
If you would feel confident enough in a relationship or social situation to tell someone what politcal party you would vote for then you should be ok telling them about your past religious membership.
There will be many outsiders who are eager to know what your JW life was all about and have countless questions as I do. Sweet Pea was right when she wrote that many non JWs would be wide eyed and interested to hear about your experiences. I certainly am, it is fascinating although at times heart-breaking. She is also right that it is like learning about a secret society, a world that the rest us knows nothing about.
A couple of months ago, the subject of cults came up (as it was in the news) at a dinner party I was at. It was an interesting discussion and in the course of it, I told the others what I had learned at that time about the JW religion. They were all fascinated and since then, as I have been learning more, five of the twelve who were at the dinner party have been asking me to pass on to them what I learn, as like me they are intrigued by what motivates people to believe such strange things. I found out that all of these 5 people have discussed the topic with other people at their work etc.
One of the most common reasons for curiosity I have found is that a lot of people want to know one or two arguements they can use on the door-step if JWs call. They don't have time to spend time trawling the internet or want to research deeply but just want a couple of facts that are easy to remember so that rather than just saying 'no thanks' and closing the front door they can say something relevant. They are not on a crusade but the existence of cults offends many, (not sure if this applies more in the UK than the USA?) and they like to occasionally do their bit to counter irrationality. The grapevine works quickly, so JWs in service in this area had better watch out!
So I would say to those of you dedicated to trying to bringing down the WTS or to helping as many JWs to see the light as you can, don't always avoid telling outsiders about the cult; in some cases we have access to tell the truth to JWs we know that you as apostates would not have. The JW that I am trying to help still talks to me although her study conductor has told her I am an "agent of Satan". But if I was an apostate, I am sure she would not be talking to me. I know my friend is embarrassed to tell people she is a JW to the extent that she is quite happy to lie about why she can't go to a birthday drink at the pub, so that gives me hope!
In summary well done to those of you who are comfortable with your past and to those who are not YET, I hope one day soon you too will realise there is no need to be ashamed and I hope will find peace as you concentrate on having a great life in the present and the future.
Love Heather
