Feeling indifferent

by campaign of hate 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  campaign of hate

  Right now, at this point in my life, i feel like i should be Angry, Sad, Upset, annoyed, whatever emotion that most of you guys here feel or have felt.

  But the overwhelming feeling i get, and i have got since waking up, is indifference.

  I think that this might be my subconscious coping mechanism. When i go to the meetings or take part in any other WT related activity, i don't care. I just really couldn't care less.

  I mean, i do CARE, but i think it's more a fascination now about the whole thing. It actually does interest me, the ins and outs of the Cult. The mind control. The Thought Control. The Blind Obedience. But i just don't care that i was once fully part of it.

  Is this normal? I've been thinking maybe it's depression? Maybe it's relief that the world isn't going to come to a destructive end in my life time (i hope).

  Maybe I've always felt this way, but never really analysed my feelings properly.

  Just looking for anyone out there who feels the same?...
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  OneEyedJoe

  I think I (maybe) get what you're saying. I really don't care about any of it at this point and just want out. The only thing keeping me going (in general, not necessarily going to meetings, which I haven't been to a lot lately) is my wife but honestly now there are points where it's difficult to care about that.

  I think at a certain point you just get too fatigued from working to get out without seeing any real results and your options are to be really depressed and hopeless or just not to care. So, yeah, a lot of the time I just don't care about anything that has anything to do with the cult, including my family and cult "friends." Maybe I'm preparing myself to lose all of them when I just can't take it anymore. I don't know, and, to be honest, I sorta don't care haha.
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  cappytan

  Totally normal.

  I'm totally indifferent towards cult activities since waking up.

  But it doesn't feel like depression anymore. It feels more like enlightenment. I feel like an outsider looking in, now.
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  freemindfade

  i think it's more a fascination now about the whole thing. It actually does interest me, the ins and outs of the Cult.

  I totally agree with this, any interest I have left is just understanding for my own sanity.

  Especially when I go to the meeting (only to be nice to my wife). Now I see it all for what it is, it actually makes me more anti-theist, atheist and anti jw.cult.

  I do feel going is a waste of my time and life, but I am stuck doing it at the moment to be nice.
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  campaign of hate

  Yeah, maybe enlightenment is what i feel is happening to me.

  I have started to have more of a Hindu outlook. Karma, immortality of the soul, and things of this nature.

  But that is a discussion for another time.
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  cappytan

  campaign of hate: I'm on a similar eastern path, at the moment. Exploring Buddhism and seeing where it leads.
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  campaign of hate

  Looks like we have something in common. Cappytan.
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  freemindfade

  It is, I think it is healthy to explore ideas that open your mind to possibilities without having to tie it down to "what you believe". This is something I am finally getting through to my wife. this "what do you believe" thing witnesses can't think past.

  This is at the core of my current philosophy.

  It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
  

  Aristotle

  Best of luck to you COH.
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  millie210

  I dont think indifference is bad at all. Its just one more spot on the spectrum of emotions a person can experience.
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  DesirousOfChange

  Right now, at this point in my life, i feel like i should be Angry, Sad, Upset, annoyed, whatever emotion that most of you guys here feel or have felt. But the overwhelming feeling i get, and i have got since waking up, is indifference.

  I'm looking forward to where I can get to the 'indifference" phase.

  I guess to be honest, I am getting there finally......gradually. We've managed a successful fade. No one is really stalking us or dogging us, but I think that's because we have tactfully STFU and not said what's really on our mind to JWs with whom we still have some casual contact.

  Reading the horrible experiences posted here that others have had or are having gets me fired up, just as it does when I hear of local JW friends (even former friends) being "victimized" here by JCs and Gestapo Elders. Yes, people are being victimized. This is what has caused them to be banned in places like Russia. WTS is so accustomed to all the leeway they are given here in the USA (Separation of Church & State trump card), but they're getting their tit caught in the wringer other places around the world.

  My wife repeatedly tells me that reading here often puts me in a bad mood. I guess I should be more indifferent.

  Doc