growing up witness

by milligal 28 Replies latest jw experiences

  • milligal
    milligal

    asimpleservant-I have to respond to your post.

    I went to Dallas with my highschool diploma waving in the wind and was offered two jobs as a department Director, both executive positions. I was working on my degree, but was no where near having it. I took with me my experience from my previous employer where I worked my way into the executive committee after one year of employment. My sister who is a brilliant person, and an ex-witness has had a different experience in the work field. I remember her crying out in field service the first time she had to 'take' a door at age nine.

    Your point that people who did not like growing up a witness or simply did not look at the experience correctly, is not supported by anything but your own personal experience. Look around you at other people and you'll see that success is a highly personal accomplishment based upon many different factors. Personality is a big one, I tease my sister about being a (brilliant) nerd and she teases me about being a (charming) car salesman. We have both attained success ex-witness, but it has been how our personalities have adapted to the work environment, and how we are able to engage other people that has led us each down a different path-to the same spot..

    I think you are being harsh and critical of the others on this thread. I defend every person who has posted here and thank them for being open and honest. I am sorry for the way you were raised. Raising any child away from society, keeping them from learning social skills and interpersonal relationship management is not responsible parenting. You just worked your way through it -as many survivors do (think: inner city kids, third world country children, survivors of abuse).

  • asimpleservant
    asimpleservant

    Hello, I really didn't intend on offending any one. I am very sorry. I do however feel that people blame the Organization for what little they have now. Just speaking on a personal level about some of the ones I know locally who are ex-witnesses. They all have this ax to grind because the Watchtower has "stolen their big chance from them" to make a difference or become some one. Like this one guy who at 32 is still painting walls for 7.65 an hour and loudly claims it's because the organization crippled him to the point he can't hold another job. He's an individual who plays 7 instruments and paints beautiful pictures but doesn't seem to be able to harvest his own path any where else. It's just of my personal belief that if he had enough intelligence to leave and enough self respect to not be a pawn any more he also should have enough faculty to find his niche and a better more stables means of supporting himself. I just feel he using the Organization as a total cop out from real world responsibilities, it's almost like he's still in it! Zach

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    Simple,

    Maybe you had a gift I didn't have.

    I really sucked at fs.

    I placed very few magazines, and I was pioneering!

    I couldn't start studies for the life of me.

    I started a few but they fizzled out the second time I went to their doors.

    The direct approach worked but didn't have the staying power.

    I just wasn't taken by what I had to give others.

    I didn't really buy into it enough to be good at door to door sales pitching.

    For me, I have to really believe in what I'm trying to give others.

    If I don't believe in it so much that I really want to learn how to defend it, I am no good at giving it to others.

    My motive for pioneering?

    Popularity in the congregation.

  • White Dove
    White Dove

    While I don't support cry babies, I do understand that that painter you speak of might be bitter about missing his chance at going to college.

    We all have different interests and talents.

    Maybe he would have been a starving artist.

    Finding a nitch for some requires college.

    Many jobs do, too.

    Not many in their 30's can afford to go to college and support a family.

    I began college at age 30.

    I abandoned my kids to their grandparents and did only school work for three years.

    It damaged my kids but I got good grades.

    What a trade off.

    You left at age 17 was it?

    How did you get away with it?

    Didn't your family have you under their thumb?

    Weren't you scared to lose the love they had for you?

    You make it sound so simple when it's not.

    You can't just take a nitch and make a lot of money at it without planning and taking the time to build it.

    That guy you mentioned is probably tied down by a family and can't move on or doesn't know how to move on.

  • milligal
    milligal

    That's really the point isn't it-not that JW ruined your life forever, but that you couldn't start living your life until you left. You had to trade in friends and family for your freedom to operate as an individual. That's not right. It's not right to raise a girl as I was, that she has no opportunity/support/encouragement to go to school or have a career all you had was to marry some nice witness guy and pionner. Not that I didn't finally get to where I wanted in life, but it was after a lot of pain and unneccessary suffering.

  • ex-nj-jw
    ex-nj-jw
    So say what you want about how it was so bad when you were a Witness and how out of the loop you were. You didn't see the big picture. You didn't learn the lessons or let the Organization teach you by it's TRUE example. I did these things and I have to say. My dreams were as easy as showing up to an interview with a smile a suit and a briefcase

    Well, the organization didn't allow you to see a bigger picture. You were in a box and expected to stay there. I hated FS, the meetings, ministry school the whole shabang with a passion.

    It did absolutly nothing for me, gave me zero preparation for the real world. But, in spite of my upbringing in a high control cult I hold a Masters Degree in Nursing and an awesome career. No thanks to the JW upbringing. I achieved my goals because it was something I wanted not because of anything the JW cult did for me.

    nj

  • BabaYaga
    BabaYaga

    Hello and hearty welcome, SimpleServant.

    Your quote: "It's just of my personal belief that if he had enough intelligence to leave and enough self respect to not be a pawn any more he also should have enough faculty to find his niche and a better more stables means of supporting himself."

    True enough, I couldn't agree more. I am a huge believer in taking responsibility for one's own actions, AND for one's own healing. HOWEVER... healing takes time. And an anger stage is just as important as the acceptance stage. Get on with it? That's what we are all working through, right now, through these posts.

    I am happy that you have found your own success. However (and please don't take offense at this observation) I think that by judging those who have not found their successes, you must have some issues still lurking in the shadows of your self. If you were completely at peace, you would have more peace and healing to share with them. (Kudos to you for rising above the JW homeschooling bit. That in itself is no small feat.)

    Love,
    Baba.

  • Babylon the Great Employee
    Babylon the Great Employee

    I think the worst thing is finding yourself truly ill-prepared for life in the real world. While I feel I have done a remarkable job of overcoming the limitations from my upbringing, I still fell short of a lot of my goals and got off to a really rough start because of the struggles I had from getting out in the beginning. That adversity certainly isn't limited to being raised as a JW, but it is definitely an aspect of being raised one. I'm proud of my accomplishments, but wish I knew then what I know now. I wish I'd had someone there as a mentor or a friend to guide me, instead of starting out alone.

    My heart goes out to all of those JW kids, whose parents are "talking them out of" going to college. Those kids whose parents think Armageddon is any day now, and never saved a penny for them for college anyway. Those kids who will suddenly find themselves homeless when they send in their college applications, so Dad the Elder can save face with the congregation. Those kids who go out into the world at 17 or 18, ostracized, friendless, without the benefit of the guidance of their parents and other family members.

    I know adversity in life makes us stronger, but I often wished I'd had a lot less of it. Thinking of so many kids going through the same pain I did, it saddens me.

  • song19
    song19

    asimpleservant, welcome to the boards.

    Not everyone on this board got OUT of the cult at a tender age of 17. At 17 you were just entering adulthood with your entire life ahead of you. Many, many ex-jws on this board have been in the cult for 20, 30, 40 plus years. I am in my 30's, practically raised a JW as I was taught very young. I never had the opportunity you did to make use of my youth. With that said, I have a lot of hate and anger because I was forced to suppress my dreams which many, if not all, are unattainable now. Of course I will try and pursue new ones but I will never get those years back. Be happy that you got out when you did, be thankful.

  • nameless_one
    nameless_one

    Hi, asimpleservant. Kudos to you for getting out at such a young age, and not just getting out but hitting the ground running and really making something of yourself. That takes courage and determination, particularly coming from such an isolated background. However, I must chime in here too and echo what some others have said.

    It sounds like your personality was a good mesh with the "presentation" aspect of what JWs are forced to learn and adopt, and that you were able to turn that into a positive in your circumstances. But there are A LOT of people whose personalities are very different, and for whom every doorstep encounter or public talk or whatever was so painful and so unnatural, it was like dying a little death every single time. Add to that being "trained" from babyhood in concepts of personal worthlessness, impending doom, the "evil" of natural pursuits, the selfishness and futility of personal development and growth -- all of this with a cast of crazies on the scene at all times, well into adulthood, reinforcing this crap with an iron fist at every turn, and it's not hard to see how some might have trouble establishing their footing once out. Heck, just GETTING out is a Herculean feat in itself under those conditions.

    Someone above mentioned that leaving later in life puts the person at the disadvantage of "starting" pretty much everything at a much later stage than "normal." I think it's even harsher than that, because it's not just about starting later; it's also about having to figure out how to undo a lifelong mindf**k and learning to survive and thrive in an alien environment with precious few tools to handle or even understand it. That's no easy task for anyone, and some fare better than others or find their stride more quickly.

    I'm sure you didn't mean any offense, and I don't think anyone here means to be hurtful in presenting alternate viewpoints. It's just something to be aware of, that everyone's circumstances are different and what has worked for some does not necessarily work for others.

    Welcome to the board, I hope you'll share more of your story and your experiences here.

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