I agree with lancelink. Set ground rules. If they won't abide by them, then avoid them. Never let your kids see you being put down by them, and not standing up for yourselves.
How can I prevent harrassment to my kids from self-righteous dub relatives?
by candela 27 Replies latest jw experiences
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Old Goat
"You've shown no interest in our spiritual welfare, only in your own status within 'God's organization.' None of what you say or do shows a loving interest in us. I'm not having this conversation with you, and you will not discuss these matters with my children. If you'd shown the slightest loving-interest in us, I would feel differently. The fault is yours. not ours."
If you need to say more: "The biblical patern of loving-interest is found in the Parable of the prodigal son. You're much more like the angry 'older brother' than the loving father of the parable, and far less open to reason than he was."
This hits them where it matters. "Responsible brothers" are supposed to have the flock's interest at heart. These men aren't shepherds in the sense Jesus meant. They feed off the flock, deriving status from their positions. They know what their responsiblity is; they almost never live up to the standard. Rub their noses in their failure.
Without any evidence to support it other than personal observation, most of those who leave Jehovah's Witnesses do so not as a result of finding Christ, but as a result of spiritual neglect and starvation. Put another way, untrained and uncarring and incompetent elders are one of the most significant causes of "apostacy" and "deflection."
They're stupid sons who shame their "father."
You're never obligated to speak to anyone who mistreats you, and you're not obligated to be "kind" to fools.
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SusanHere
Having dealt with this type of thing the entire time we raised our children, I second everyone's suggestions. Excellent.
May I also suggest you take the time to prepare your children for what they may hear from those relatives who will appear to agree to leave the kids alone, but will instead take every sneaky opportunity to get their digs in and "plant seeds" in their little minds.
We always told our children in advance the things the relatives might say and gave them a script for answering, or empowered them to withstand such unwanted intrusion with a flippant reply that stops the conversation cold. One or two of those and the relatives will decide your children are already beyond hope and simply leave them alone.
That way you won't have to keep one ear open trying to hear what's being fed to your children by people trying to "save them" from your child-rearing choices.
You won't always be around when people try those tactics with your children. Empower them and they'll be safer. Good luck and God bless!
SusanHere
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Hortensia
can you tell your kids that is what will likely happen and that it is OK if they politely say they are not interested, and then walk away. It will be good practice for your kids - they can practice their boundaries with JWs and they'll probably love it. As for people preaching to you directly, just tell them you don't want to hear it and walk away. At least that worked with my mother.
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sf
{shakes head in utter amazement...again}
I can't believe you even have to ask such a question.
Seriously.
sKally
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amicus
I agree with the two prong approach.
1) Prepare your kids to deal with (religious) bigots. With good self esteem, they will just shrug off idiots.
2) Tell anyone who you think might harass your kids, that if they attempt to do so...they will have to go through you first.
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Black Sheep
Teach Your Child How to Think.
There is a good book on this by Edward de Bono
It is great for adults too.
Cheers
Chris
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justhuman
So if I got this correct your status is innactive, and don't want your relatives to go after your children brain washing them.
It depends of the age of your children how old are they? And after being innactive have you gone with your family through "wordly"way of life like Christmas and birthdays etc etc?
If so then you are in big trouble and you have to be very carefull. Try to prepare them before and maybe be a little bit of practice regarding the situation that they will go through it will be better. I think if you go directly to forbit your relatives to approach your children it will be raise more suspicious and specially with the Elder and his pioneer wife. If they smell any "apostatic" you will have more trouble, since nowdays WT elders are after the innactive ones and they are trying to frame them.
It is a delicate situation and handle this very careful
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lisavegas420
Somehow I have the feeling I know you Candela... if you are who I think you are then call your older brother, the d'f one! He is da man with da mouth! Rest assured they see him and they will disappear... :)
If you are not who I think you are, well I have a sister in exactly the same situation... and me being 'da older d'f brother will be there to 'intervene' and protect my dearly beloved nephews...
See you soon little sis....(if you are who I think you are)
hehehe...I hope she's who you think she is...that'd be cool. I agree, with the others..... depending on the ages and maturity level, talk to the children ahead of time, just like you would if you were going to visit a crazy uncle. lisa
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hotchocolate
Wow, I hope she is who he thinks she is as well. How great would that be? I wish I had a big brother like that. :-)