Who am I, Who would I be???

sparrow

This is not to take away from the hardship a lot of people had due to abuse and other things inhumane people had to suffer as a result of growing up a witness that I have never have had to deal with. However, nearly all of the bad experiences I have had growing up that I can recall are a direct result of doing the wrong thing against "jehoober" and the guilt that goes along with it. Man made rules, forced confession, missing meetings, not good enough, natural experiences growing up a dude - all bad/demonic, etc etc

How much different would I be?? Weaker? Stronger? More balanced? Less Emotional? More Emotional? Funnier? Less sarcastic? More Sarcastic? Less Sinistic? More Sinistic? More/less loving? Would I be the same with less hang ups? Less interesting?

At the end of the day I guess we are what we are, so we have to do what we can with what we have....

I guess...

Mickey mouse

This is something I wonder about too. I would not trade my witness experience though. I am who I am and I actually think it's a pretty incredible thing to go through.

summer

"What if's" do not get one very far in life.

At the end of the day I guess we are what we are, so we have to do what we can with what we have....

Our past has shaped us into what we are today. We must remember the "good" with fondness, while learning from the "bad" as much as possible. And at the end of the day, settle for the best we can be at the time. Knowing that tomorrow is always another day~

LouBelle

I may have taken the roads leading into trouble a hellofa lot more often - I could be worse off. But right now I'm meant to be where I am - I am happy with that.

jamiebowers

This is not to take away from the hardship a lot of people had due to abuse and other things inhumane people had to suffer as a result of growing up a witness that I have never have had to deal with. However, nearly all of the bad experiences I have had growing up that I can recall are a direct result of doing the wrong thing against "jehoober" and the guilt that goes along with it.

Just because you weren't beaten and/or raped or otherwise molested while in the organization, it doesn't make your experience any less traumatic. As a matter of fact, it may have made it even moreso. I was physically and mentally terrorized by an unstable jw husband the whole time I was in, so I didn't have the time or inclination to take the assault against my psyche by the WTB&TS personally or seriously. I knew all along that he was a nutcase. You on the other hand, my friend, had someone who was supposed to be the voice of God telling you what a horrible person you are. There's a reason why so many jws either attempt or commit suicide. It is because they are told by this same voice of God that they can never do enough, they can never be good enough.

So, to answer your question, "Who am I?" -- You are a survivor.

And as for your second question, "Who would I be?" -- You'd be the same person you are now minus many emotional scars.

Gopher

An important third question is "what have I decided to become?"

Now that I'm out of the JW's, I have thought a lot about the "what ifs". But since I'm unable to turn back the hands of time, I'm determined to make the remaining decades (hopefully) of my life as meaningful and enjoyable as they can be.

trevor

sparrow

You would be less confused. You would know that the difference between a sparrow and a dog. Sorry couldn't help that.

More seriously, we all eventually arrive at a point in life where we are who we would have been had not fate intervened and you have so many years to get to that point.

Or you can be there the moment you realize that all you are exists in your mind and you have total control over your thoughts and actions right now.

paybacktime19

I am with you on this I deal with this daily. I know this, we have to keep moving foward.

jgnat

I believe we are all the sum of our experience. Some rise spectatularly above their raising. It's a choice.

Cindi_67

How much different would I be?? Weaker? Stronger? More balanced? Less Emotional? More Emotional? Funnier? Less sarcastic? More Sarcastic? Less Sinistic? More Sinistic? More/less loving? Would I be the same with less hang ups? Less interesting?
At the end of the day I guess we are what we are, so we have to do what we can with what we have....
I guess...

I like this thread. Today, and for the past week I've been thinking about who I am, where I am heading. My experiences within the org., have been bitter/sweet. I can't say everything has been bad. I enjoyed the good moments. But reaching my 40's I could no longer continue to be something I was not. I respected and still do, the basic teachings, the good morals I was taught, but my personality clashed against the strict rules that were persuasively taught at the meetings. I was born and raised within the Org., so I didn't know anything else. I always went along with everything that was said. But coming to an age where I have matured and struggled with my inner self, I came to perceive the subtle ways of the Organization to make us feel guilty about ourselves and what we do. We may be feeling that we are doing our best, but there will be a talk that will expose that "our best" was never good enough.

I got tired of that. I will go to the meetings depressed and angry, and I will come out feeling even worse. "Jehovah's people" are suppose to be a happy crowd, no matter how many problems came to our way. I never felt completely happy, never felt content, never fulfilled.

That's who I am, and I have to accept it. In another thread somebody commented on a well know saying among Witnesses, "You can leave the Witnesses, but the Witnesses will never leave you." I find that to be true in my case. It is still with me, and I think it will always be. Somewhere, somehow I will always feel guilty I left, but I have learned to accept myself; that maybe that is not for me and never was.

I had to get that out of my chest. Thanks for the thread.

Who am I, Who would I be???

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