Do you ever feel like you just need a change? (page 3)

Dorktacular

I'm so burned out on work right now that I just would like to wake up in the morning when I'm ready and do whatever the hell I want without having to worry about work or kids or wife-type-people. I need a road trip bad, but gasoline is kicking my ass, so that ain't gonna happen. Maybe I'll just take up smoking marijuana. Take a trip without ever leaving the house!

ibme

Princess Daisy Boo,

Thanks for the fine post.

What me likes about your post is, when you said, "I am done with being bitter and twisted".
It is a strong person that comes to that conclusion in life.

Wish you the best.

StAnn,

Your statemant, "Yes. When I do, I divorce my husband and go out and find a new one", reminded me of one of my employees.

She was one of my best. Truly beautiful in may ways. She went through eight (8) husbands.

She told me not too long ago, that the first one was the best one.

Something to think about.

Shawn10538

Why don't you change lives with me you ungrateful swine?

I wake up every day in excruciating pain. My back was injured in Bethel; it has been useless to me since. It has been reinjured almost every year since then. I have no family at all (lost a couple dozen relatives when I got DFd, mother father best friend brother and 7 more bros and sisters all shun me to the extreme thinking I am apostate and just plain crazy) and have not been in a serious relationship since I got fat and bald and broke 8 years ago.

I have a very few close friends, but none so close that I am hugged and touched in any way regularly. No one ever touches me. No one wants to or maybe I scare them away because I am so ugly and mean looking. I am bitter, angry, sad, depressed all the time. I feel no joy in life whatsoever. I take massive amounts of drugs every day to fight the pain and more at night to help me sleep because I keep waking up every 10 minutes due to pain in my body from fibromyalgia or possibly lupus which is being looked into right now but I don't know why I bother.

I have lost every job I have had in the past 10 years from usually smarting off to someone, doing sub-standard work, not working fast enough or not getting along with people in authority (which I can't handle since Bethel.) I accomplished a bachelor's degree last year, but failed my student teaching. I was still able to get a job as a teacher, but I couldn't get along with work mates and the department chair and they didn't renew my contract. I'm too proud to do physical labor, plus I'm in pain and have several herniated discs that I can't afford to have fixed.

I lived like a dog for 8 years putting myself through college. That dedication cost me just about everything I had, which was not much in the first place. I was homeless twice and no one took me in. No friends no relatives, even though tey knew I was sleeping in the streets or in the bushes. I have been in debt since I first went back to school and even working full time I have not been able to even make a dent in the debt. I will be in debt the rest of my life, and I haven't even started paying my student loan off.

I'm a real winner and women love me, especially my sunny disposition and attitude. Actually, no woman ever gets close enogh to me to even find out what a bad attitude I have. It's been years since anyone has tried. I mean, why can't I just be happy about the last 10 years of agony, mental, physical and emotional. Think of all the wonderful character traits pure torture gives a person. Whatever doesn't kill me just makes me stronger right?

I could go on but I'm just getting more depressed. Plus I'm in so much pain right now, at 5am that i need to down a few more pain killers so I can sleep for a couple of hours before I have to get up. When I do get up, I will still be alone, and that's the worst part. I wasted my youth and health on a stupid Magic Tonic that turned out to be a hoax. The future does not look bright for me. I am going downhill physically mentally and emotionally. I have been for a long time. It's apparent to me that my ride is coming to a close and I feel powerless to do anything about it.

I just bought a motorcycle and it broke down on the way home. I'm out 3,500 dollars that I didn't have and now have no working vehicle. I've driven shitty cars my whole life. never had a new one that didn't get repo'd in the first 3 months. I live in a tiny shitty apartment with crack addict neighbors that are making drug transactions, very loudly in the middle of the night, waking me up continually. The back of my apartment is in a parking lot that is lit up by a giant hallogen street light just inches from my window making it further difficult to sleep with a blinding yellow light in my eyes. Also, all the cars that park there have that kind of alarm that beeps the car horn when it is being activated or inactivated. This happens at all hours of the day and night. The loudest one owned by a man who works swing shift or something is right in front of my bedroom window. I hear his horn and smell his exhaust every single morning at about 4 am.

I can't move because my credit is so bad and I have evictions on my record. To find this apartment I had to go through a special community program for retards (no offence intended because I am obviously one, and a special ed. teacher!)

You know, I could just go on forever. I have a list of things in my life that I am grateful for of course. Things like being literate, free of a cult, having a degree, writing timeless classics of songs that nobody seems to think much of but me. But somehow I am just so sick of the pain and the hassel this earthly form is giving me, that I just don't think my list of positives, even if it were longer than the list of negatives, just does not create enough positiveness to get me out of my hole.

After the great loss, nothing can really make up for the loss of an entire family and hundreds of friends. That is called devastation. That is called game over. Even if I were to become king of the world after that, it still wouldn't make up for that loss. Maybe I am giving too much value to blood relatives, but as daft as she is, I still love my mom, and I will probably never see her again. I won't go to the funeral either. So, that story is over. All my stories seem to be coming to an end. I just don't see anything working out. I am tired of trying so hard and getting minimal results. I surrender. Whoever is running this crazy rollercoaster, I surrender. you can have it back. I just don't want to see things get worse. I mean, I am so used to shitty things happening I am almost numb to them. When my motorcycle was found to be a total loss, I wasn't surprised at all. In fact I felt nothing. My friend Jeff loked at me like i was crazy because I was staying so calm. That's funny I get called crazy when I over react and I get called crazy when I under react. I don't see that point changing in the future either.

Lady, please change lives (and gender apparently) with me. I promise I won't take your life for granted for one moment. I won't ever need a change. When you are living on the street, you get that change every single day. I know you will just love living my life. You will never feel secure again, or comfortable. You will feel all my pain and you'll say, "Geez, I sure am glad I don't have that cushy life anymore, things are much better here in this dumpster."

Mrs Smith

Hello Boo

I feel the same as you do. Just don't know what to do about it.

AWAKE&WATCHING

When I feel like that I know it's time for a road trip. Even if it's only a day away it clears my head and rejuvenates me.

kurtbethel

I am always up for an adventure.

You could get a GPSr and try this thing called "geocaching". You will never run out of things to do and see.

momzcrazy

Why don't you change lives with me you ungrateful swine?

I get your point Shaun. However, there are much NICER ways to get a point across than being a jerk. Bitter much? I am not at all surprised you have a crappy life. And you aren't the only one who wakes up in horrible pain everyday, or is awake in the wee hours because of it. The rest of us just don't whine about it. I could go on and on.

I was going to ignore him, and probably should have. But that whole post was completely inappropriate.

JWdaughter

Princess Daisy:

I feel for you! Exactly the way you put it. I am SO there with you. Feels kind of 'guilty' since you know you have nothing quantifiable to complain about or even really want to change.

I'd suggest you just DO something that is out of your routine for a few hours/day/weekend. Something just not typical Daisy stuff. Jolt yourself out of the topor of your existence.

babygirl75

I hear ya Momz....

Shaun, You may be going through a lot but instead of just laying around and wollering (sp?) in your self pity, change your attitude and things will go better in your life. I have had Lupus since the age of 17. I was given two hours to live. I was in & out of consciencness and was so sick I didn't care at that point. I did get better..but have had several relapses since.I was then diagnosed with Breast Cancer and went through horrible Chemo and several surgeries two years ago. I'm now facing dialysis awaiting a kidney transplant due to the Lupus; but you know what??? Even though I feel shitty 90% percent of the time and take a hand full of med's everyday....I keep a positive attitude. I work full time, volunteer my extra time, and keep busy with my family. I may hurt & not have the energy, but I will not let me health have the best of me! I'm shunned by my extended family, but I'm the only one that can make me or my life happy or sad, depending on how I want to go about it. I choose to be happy and not have self pitty. You may want to try that and maybe then your life will go in a better direction!

BFD

Hi PDB! I hear you! I sometimes need change for the sake of change. Even if it to just re-arrange the furniture. lol

I did not think Shawn was serious but, I guess he is. Yikes! Attitude is half the battle.

Babygirl you biotch! I never would've guessed you had such problems. Just goes to show how attitude can play a big part in the way others view you. I have had my own health battles with cancer amoung other chronic things. I just take one day at a time and try to move forward with a positive attitude. It ain't easy sometimes.

I am taking a road trip this weekend to see a friend and hope to come back refreshed.

BFD

Do you ever feel like you just need a change?

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