Reclaiming my national identity

by Lady Lee 36 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  cognizant dissident

  That's it! HISTORY

  In researching my family's history the history of the earliest French settlers who often married natives (Ojibway in my family) I have found a sense of who I am in the stream of Canadian histrory.

  Lady Lee: I understand your interest in history. I share it and went through a period where I was very interested in my families genealogy and history in England and Canada. I think I was also searching for a sense of belonging and a sense of "my place" in time.

  Now,I have mixed feelings about it. We tend to construct many stories about who we are that are based in a past that no longer exists. Sometimes I think it is all an illusion that those who have lived and died in the past have anything to do with me and my "identity". I try to live in the present for the most part and not think about the past too much. Learn from it and move on.

  I don't know if this ambivalence, being torn between wanting to claim a family history for ourselves and at the same time wanting to abandon the past and disavow it as irrelevant to my life "now", is unique to people who have come from abusive families or is just something all humans share? I'd be interested in how other people view their family and national history.

  Cog
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  Lady Lee

  interesting thoughts cog

  Learning more about the history of my family at least the last 100 years helped me understand where things went so wrong that abandonment and abuse became the central themes for 4 generations. Knowing more about my grandmother and her Metis (French father and Ojibway mother) parents along with the belief by the govt that they were doing native children a servicew by separating them from the rest of the family. They took these kids and put them in huge orphanges where they did not see their parents, where many were sexually abused, where they were beaten for speaking their native language. No wonder there was such an atmosphere of secrecy in tghe family regaring some topics

  It helped to learn these things. It explained a lot about my grandmother and how the abuse and abandonment got passed down.

  Intrestingly I think it was the WTS that helped me stop the cycle
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  cognizant dissident

  Intrestingly I think it was the WTS that helped me stop the cycle

  How so? I find it interesting that you say that, because many on this forum blame JW's for their parents being abusive (and I'm not saying they aren't correct about that) but I have taken another view of it. I have often felt that my parents being JW's probably tempered any abusive characteristics that they had passed on from their own parents (who were not JW's). I honestly believe, they may have been much worse if they were not JW's. Any "discipline" they meted out which was overly harsh or abusive, probably pales in comparison to what they experienced as children. The JW's taught them it was wrong to beat your children too harshly, which was not something they learned from their own parents. I tend to think it is more of a generational issue, than a religious issue. I feel this way about the issue of sexual abuse too. It was a whole generation that covered over abuse and didn't talk about it, certainly not just JW's.

  Cog
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  AK - Jeff

  Oh Cog, I agree.

  I love Canada. I wish there was no national boundary between us.

  Canada is a beautiful land, and I have spent many a vacation there. Of course as a Jw most of them were tied into those damned Conventions. LOL

  I love the Canadian Rockies. The American portion is just a beautiful, but more spoiled I think. Jasper and Banff parks in BC are some of the most gorgeous places on the planet IMO.

  In two days we celebrate our July day - on the 4th. Unfortunately I also work for one of the most greedy corportations that has ever graced our planet - so I must work while all the rest have BBQ and watch fireworks.

  Jeff
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  Lady Lee

  cog

  Intrestingly I think it was the WTS that helped me stop the cycle

  How so? I find it interesting that you say that, because many on this forum blame JW's for their parents being abusive (and I'm not saying they aren't correct about that) but I have taken another view of it.

  I was very determined to protect my children from the kind of abuse I experienced. When you go to meetings 3 times a week thewre is always somethng going on - something to go to. There was a certain standard. I don't think it was the WT itself but that I was trying hard to live up to a standard that was never shown to me. And being a JW helped me to maintain a certain strandard

  I have often felt that my parents being JW's probably tempered any abusive characteristics that they had passed on from their own parents (who were not JW's). I honestly believe, they may have been much worse if they were not JW's. Any "discipline" they meted out which was overly harsh or abusive, probably pales in comparison to what they experienced as children. The JW's taught them it was wrong to beat your children too harshly, which was not something they learned from their own parents. I tend to think it is more of a generational issue, than a religious issue. I feel this way about the issue of sexual abuse too. It was a whole generation that covered over abuse and didn't talk about it, certainly not just JW's.

  In the case of my mother I think she might have been worse although it is hard to imagine. I think the WTS gave her an easy excuse to beat her children -- after all it was in the Bible.

  Your last comment about it being a generational thing - to not talk about abuse -- the really odd thing in my family is that we did talk about abuse, both physical and sexual. It certainly wasn't a taboo topic in our home. But there was little attempt on my mother's part to make things better. Being a JW just told her beating her kids was OK. I went the other route and tried as best I could to change things and make them better. I didn't get it all right but there was progress.

  My mother often said our family should be a soap opera
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  Lady Lee

  Jeff Too bad you will have to work

  I think in Canada strong belief in keeping our unpoiled land just that - unspoiled. Even here in the city along the banks of the Ottawa River there is little to no building along the shore. It is all green which enables a wild birds to live along the river. We have to clean up after them because it does get messy. But I think that the presence of the wild birds shows that Ottawa is doing a good job of making sure our green space is healthy enough for the wild life - not just birds but there is a very large population of ground hogs within the city limits

  I only flew over the Rockies but maybe one day I'll get to Banff or Jaspar
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  RAYZORBLADE

  Canada is the second-largest country in the world.

  OK, explitives aside.....

  Like LadyLee, I too was born in Ontario; but closer to Detroit than I was Toronto.

  But I like it here; left southwestern Ontario (north of Lake Erie) while I was very young and settled near Barrie, Ontario.

  I did live briefly in Cape Breton Island, Nova Scotia within a year of my birth; my one and only sister was born in Nova Scotia. Then we moved back to southwestern Ontario (1964-1966). My sister was killed by a drunk driver in March 1967 (Barrie-Alliston).

  We remained in south-central Ontario until 1969 - thus the occasional Barrie references.

  My father was in the Canadian Armed Forces.
  
  We eventually were posted to New Brunswick; nevermind that our family roots were rooted in Cape Breton Island. We spend numerous summers along the Bras d' Or Lakes.

  Great memories of my childhood until we moved to New Brunswick.

  But without getting into a long drawn-out story; my JW influence began in 1976/77.

  My parents split-up/seperated (yawn ) in 1977.

  So I was a great catch as a disillusioned teenager.

  MANY, MANY, Many, many years later....I get over all of that.

  I too have been from coast-to-coast here in Canada.

  Like many denizens of large countries, you know what works for you.

  I've lived in: Ontario, Saskatchewan, British Columbia, Nova Scotia and New Brunswick. Only places I did not visit are the three Arctic territories.

  Ontario (Toronto) is a great place for me. I love Ontario overall despite the occasional team rivalries that come up periodically.

  Great post Lady Lee.

  You've lived so many places and have finally found your place.

  You were born here; I was NOT born in Toronto; but I adore it.

  I've been to Vancouver - 2x and yet...felt totally unconnected.

  Montreal, did jacksquat for me.

  Regina - was a great experience. Great place for chill for a few months (great folks in Saskatchewan).

  Alberta. GORGEOUS province; mind you I think they're destroying the north - but folks eventually 'get-it'.

  OK, no one asked...so I had best be careful and make my presence short n' sweet.
  
  Best wishes to all my fellow ex-JW Canadians.