I am Agnostic. What happened??

horrible life

I have had a continuing saga of a 25 year friendship, gone terribly wrong. Bitterness is very high, on both of our parts. Every-time I think things have calmed down, and we are dead to each other, something else is said on her part.

I go CRAZY!!! Yesterday was no exception. Lies, all Lies!!!!!!! She played a practical joke, on the band director, saying I had come up to the band's fire works stand, and picked a fight with her and trashed the stand, and ruined fireworks. The band director asked my daughter about it, before he found out it was a joke. She sped home, upset. She could have had a wreck.

I am CRAZY and LIVID. Daughter called director, and told him it wasn't her mother. He said it was a joke directed at him. My daughter and I are not laughing.

Tossed and turned all night. At work, I could hardly concentrate. On the way home, I am on the phone to my husband, telling him to be a MAN. DO Something!!!! He never takes up for me. Just lets things slide by. I lit in to my husband and told him how I felt about the ex-friend, director, and him ( my husband) not being the man of the house. He said the director would call me tonight. I kept yelling, as I was driving 70 miles an hour, down the highway. I didn't want to talk to the director, I wanted to get to the ex-friends throat!!!!

When I get home, I am still yelling, and cussing everything. (I was alone)

I get on the computer, to look up a scripture for my ex-friends husband and my husband. BE THE MAN OF THE HOUSE. For the ex-friends husband, to get control of his pious wife. Like this would help him, he is a dyslexic 6 foot 5 know it all jerk. And for my husband who goes to church, every week, so he could read how to be a MAN.

While trying to find the scripture online, my head was pounding, and I was still cussing. I started just reading some snippets of websites, and going back to Google to look at another site. I read about Jesus love for all, and about husband and wife getting along, to make a happy family. All of the sudden, I was calm, and I really didn't care if the director called, and piss on her. This all happened in a span of less than 10 minutes.

I am still upset, but no more tears, or bad words. Director didn't call. (says alot for his character) I do feel a calm though. What happened???

Hope4Others

Sometimes taking a few minutes doing something else, (chill out time) like you going on the Internet helps to calm down.

Things just don't seem that bad when you take 5 or 10 minutes. And Agnostic doesn't mean you don't totally

not believe in a higher power.

Cheers

hope4others

Hortensia

You had a chance to calm down and relax and think about it a little differently. You detached a bit from the whole thing.

Satanus

The words shut off your mind's train of thought. All that anger and cussing was just your mind acting up (justifiably so). Some kinds of meditation can do the same thing.

S

horrible life

So are both of you saying that I didn't experience a miracle? or That, Jehovah wasn't whispering in my ear? Thank goodness. I was going to have to change my belief system, again.

horrible life

Satanus, I do have a habit of being obsessive about things. Hard to get me off track sometimes. What type of meditation are you talking about, and if I am in a rage, how would I be able to stop and think, "I need to meditate." .

Satanus

When it happens, ask yourself 'who is in the rage?', then try to sense what/who/where the rage is being generated, what is it's source within yourself. Doing that, you detach from the rage momentarily. Also, as you search for the source of the rage, try to find the part of you that is it's source. The rage may have disappeared, and you may find that there is nothing at the source of the rage. They call it inquiry meditation.

S

cognizant dissident

If you meditate on a regular basis you begin to see how these distressing mind states arise. They may have external triggers such as your ex-friends joke, but they are self-generated. With continued practice, you are able to detach from the process enough that you can often stop the obssesive thoughts dead in their tracks. Takes practice though. Not a one time, quick fix cure all.

In a calm, meditative mind state, you would be able to explore the beliefs underlying your upset. You probably hold certain beliefs about friends and how friends should act. Your friend obviously doesn't share them. You seem to believe that a husband should be able to control his wife or be responsible for her actions or to intervene in her disputes. You may be surprised that many people do not share that belief (including myself). Often times, it is our firm belief that things should be a certain way and people should act in a certain way that causes us to be so upset. That the upset continues, hours and days or even months and years after the initial even is over shows the power our own minds and nervous systems have to keep us in a perpetual state of distress.

With time and practice, we can learn to control our minds and use it as a useful servant, instead of being a slave of its obssessive thought.

Their is an old zen saying, "The mind is a useful servant, but a cruel master."

Cog

horrible life

Satanus, and Cog,

You have given me alot to chew on, in just these 2 small posts. I printed them off, and will take them to work, to dissect more. Is there a book to teach me more? or online course?

This seems like a road out of my mind, that I have been looking for, for a long time. I will check in this evening. Have a good day.

lisavegas420

what do you mean by your husband needs to be a man and do something? what?

It brought back memories of when my exhusband would get drunk and scream at me that I didn't know how to be a wife/mother or even a woman. Then he would scream at me.."do something!!!" usually followed by a push, slap or punch.....but I never knew what it was he wanted me to do.

So I carefully made a plan...and one day he came home and I was gone.

lisa

I am Agnostic. What happened??

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