The most painful experience?

Mickey mouse

Coming to terms with the truth about "the truth" is the most painful thing I've been through to date. I've lost people I love in death (thankfully not a child though). I've not experienced a divorce. I've suffered my share of minor crises like anyone else.

How would you compare your experience of leaving the borg? (I haven't even done that yet so I have that to come! ). On the scale of things where does it rate? Which was worse, leaving or the part before you left when it all came crashing down in your mind?

Mickey.

nomoreguilt

In my case, it hasn't been all that painful. For years I had my doubts about alot of the doctrines and all. I had raised 2 kids in the troof and therefore kept my feelings to myself. After my divorce i no longer had a spouse that was guilting me back to meetings and therefore I have effectively faded for 4 years.

However, since being here at JWD I have learned soooo much about the cult that I am feeling very releaved that I DID fade. No more wasted time. I am though very upset about the way that the wts continues to decieve the friends that remain. And the amount of $$$ that they have pilferred from us is a sham and a disgrace for an organization that claimes to be THE TRUE CHANNEL OF GOD!!!!

MY 2 cents.

NMG

ataloa

I'm with you, Mickey. Realizing there was no true love there was the worst thing I've ever been through, and the longest period of time I've ever mourned.

There had been several times I thought I had hit bottom - divorce; alcoholic, loveless marriage; estranged family members. Boy, they didn't even come close.

But somehow even after I was gone, I was still thinking it was the "truth" and I had no hope spiritually because I couldn't hang.

So you are already ahead of the game there, I'd say. I guess the more whole-souled you are, the worse it is when love is unrequited.

oompa

I have only shared this with a few here.......frankly, sometimes I don't know how I am still alive. I will not tell the incredible crazy details here.....but there are only two times I can say i "wept bitterly" as in total loss of any other emotion other than the the deepest of the most bottomless sorrow. The second time was when the CO finally was backed into a corner to the point that he angrily was forced to truthfully answer my question regarding something about "the truth" and in that instant I knew I had been deceived my entire life. Painful.

Painful too is what what I now realize the moment was similar too. It was when my dear JW, 3O hour a month wife of 15 years and two incredible kids disappeared for three months and reappeared and informed me she was pregnant with a strangers sperm/baby.........ya...like that. The pain was very similar. I knew in both cases that my life had been altered in ways that I would never be able to adjust to.....so thank you Watchtower and Matilda (obvious name change ha)..........for these most painful experiences...............................................oompa

Mickey mouse

Oompa

Thanks for your replies so far. To be honest I've not shed many tears yet. Too busy keeping up the pretense. The only times I have cried were reading Crisis of Conscience and Combatting Cult Mind Control. They were tears of anger. It feels like a storm building and when it breaks it will be a mess. Thankfully I have recently made contact with my very best friend who left the borg 10 years ago and she's helping me through. I also have counselling lined up soon.

Mickey.

LockedChaos

Mickey

It was painful when My first wife left me after 18 months
and ran off to another state for awhile.

It was painful to go through divorce proceedings.

It was painful to sit through 3 judicial committee
meetings, getting mentally raped, and having my future
decided for me.

After walking away a getting remarried it was painful to
get called and again sitting through the judicial committee
again.

THAT'S WHEN I DECIDED NEVER AGAIN WILL I LET ANY PUFFED UP
HUMAN TREAT ME IN SUCH A DEGRADING MANNER.

It brought joy and pain when, 28 years later, I read "CoC" and
"Christian Freedom".

It has made me happy to find this place.

OOMPA - Such pain. Keep fighting.

jaguarbass

I think finding out it wasnt the truth was much more painful and debilitating than leaving the borg.

Plus, the whole time we were witnesses the dingbats were telling us why and how every other belief under the sun was wrong.

So where could we go?

It's no wonder most people here are now atheist.

Leaving the tower was realivily easy. Back in the old days they said the world was going to end in 1975.

Thats all they talked about. People sold their houses, put off marriage and having children. People were told not to go to college and education was of little value.

Then Armegedon came in 75 and all the wicked people were still alive, the corrupt governments were still in power and sickness and disease were still everywhere.. What a crock of shxt.

Thats all I could take. That was pretty painfull.

WTWizard

So far, it was when they told me to just meet men after promising me that they would get me in with the opposite sex, and that they never intended to do anything of the sort.

What I most dread is getting dragged back in by the hounders and their henchmen. No, not being tricked or coerced--physically forced. And then having to be used as a prop in a Grand Boasting Session talk that I know is a blatant lie, placing any more wastes of paper, being part of the party that "tips" the poor waitress at Starbucks with a waste of paper, field circus, and being used to create a NR38 that would do horrible damage. All while knowing it's all immoral. Now that would be impossible to top as a most painful experience. Especially knowing it's all in lieu of getting involved with the opposite sex, and leading to the Value Destroyer Training School and the Second Dark Ages.

chellechelle

eventually everything does

tartarus

I left before. Came back. Faded again. The most painful experience was to realize that the friendship of JW's is not anymore different than anyone else's in the world. Never quite made true friends in the truth as there's no time to really get to know one another with all the "spiritual activities". Even at the rare picnics and parties that I've been part of I felt like I'm surrounded by strangers who are told to talk about "upbuiliding" stuff (which is really meant "watchtower doctrines"). . There were many good people I met in the Kingdom Halls I attended, really interesting and compassionate, we just never had the time to get to know one another. Rarely or never a real "heart to heart" talk. Too bad.

What disfunctional world JW's live in. Maybe it's not like that for everyone, I hope the pictures of happy JW's I saw in the Watchtower are actual Witnesses too. Many, myself included, would drag their feet into the hall after a long day at work and produce fake smiles....happy,happy,happy! Let's show the world and one another how happy we are to be here.

I have worldly friends from years back whom I'll meet and they'll still greet me and are genuinely interested in how I'm doing. One worldly dude I talked to a few months ago was impressed by the fact that I was one JW's as I never did tell anyone in the worldly circle of friends of my Jdub past after I left. Still calls me. Notices the sadness in my voice and wants to know why I sound down. That's real concern right there, and the guy is a real sinner by WTS standards (though I think he's just human).

To be fair, witnesses called me many times inviting "for a coffee". I can smell it a mile away - fake smiles, bible quotes that I can read on my own anytime ( I read the bible daily, or almost:), and no real honesty in the conversation. Real concerns are never addressed, they're just swept under the rug. Even my practicing mother said "shepherding calls are a waste of my time" and elders are no longer welcome, we talk about our faith to each other and discuss the Bible and worldly events. That's good enough.

To end it on the positive note I'll say that friends come and friends go, but my Jehovah is not too far. I've lived in 3 different countries, speak 4 languages because of it, moved a lot from school to school as we were poor and always looking for cheaper rent, so growing up I never had the chance to make real friends anyway. I was a Jdub, first, and there was a good chance I'd be in another highschool next semester, second.

Slappy made my day today by reminding me of a scripture in Phillipians 4:4-7. I was moved to tears, it came at exactly the right time. I was happy thinking about it while walking my dog this evening. Rejoice! Jah is not too far.:)

The most painful experience?

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