Hi! I'm new to this site.
I'm not a JW but have studied with them largely because I wanted to know for myself what JWs believed and wanted to hear it from them, not from others (i.e. Catholics, Baptists, Methodists, etc.)
Although I did it to educate myself, the lady I studied with saw me as a potential convert. We were already acquainted with one another before I knew she was a JW. Anyway, we had great Bible studies and I admit that I learned some good things from JWs, but there were doctrines they hold that I don't accept-- the 1914 Doctrine for one, and that Revelation Book!!!! As time went by, the people I studied with struck me as superstitious (especially concerning demons), anti-intellectual, and a bit inhumane and merciless concerning disfellowshipped persons. What's more, they always seemed surprised that I read the Bible on my own and that I was quite aware of many scriptures.
After a few months of study, however, I began to experience internal conflicts, like "what if they are right?" Other times, I lamented on "What did I get myself tangled up with?" I was becoming ill and getting headaches. Finally, on a day I was due for a study session, I called my friend to temporarily put studying on hold until further notice. Now I see my error as I just should have told her I wasn't interested anymore. She used high pressure tactics over the phone to try to guilt trip me into continuing the studies and coming to the KH. She questioned my beliefs concerning trinitarianism (I'm not one, but they seem to think everyone else in Christendom is), why I didn't accept the 1914 prophecy, issues of dating (apparently she believes I just want to go out and get my freak on despite the fact that I was a celibate long BEFORE I began studying with her), and so on. She even asked me whether or not the friends at the Hall were friendly enough. What does that have to do with anything, as I don't really care about that?!?
When I told her that I just wanted to stick with reading my Word and relying solely on God's guidance, she politely suggested that I read Proverbs 18:1!!!
She finally relented and respected my request, but not for long. Just today, she showed up at my door with a WT, an Awake and a reminder that she was not giving up on me. She also said the friends at the KH really missed me and that she looked forward to the day when I would resume study (she's confident I will).
I'm sorry, but I cannot be a part of an hierarchal structure that encourages the dumbing-down of oneself. I can understand humility, but not stupidity. I also cannot treat people like dirt the way many of them do when a person is disfellowshipped. The lady I studied with actually brags about how she cruelly ignores a DFed person should they smile at her or something. What's more, an organization is not the author of my salvation, but they seem to think so. The closed-mindedness and their being out of touch with reality really takes my breath sometimes.
I just wanted to vent a little, but is there anyone here who has ever studied with JWs who came dangerously close to becoming one? What about feeling confused after being exposed to their teachings? Do any of the ex-JWs have any advice about ridding myself of them once and for all. I'd hate to be mean, but...
Take care you guys!