Hmmm...if the Society can make up a drama about Scolios...maybe I can too.....I can hear the committee meeting now {cue strumming harp remembering type dream music}:
Cast of Characters
Brother George Self-Righteous: 40 years an elder, most as PO, JC Chairman. Runs the congregation with an iron fist. Not to be questioned.
Brother Joe Blunt: Long time friend of George. Tends to be outspoken and to the point....He and his wife Sister Blunt are the worst gossips in the hall. Likely news of this JC will be out before the ink on the S-77 is dry.
Brother Timmy Timid: New elder just graduated from MTS and recently assigned here. Put on the committee to give him "experience". Elders know he wont speak up against the other two, if he speaks at all.
Brother R. I. Stinky: Long time JW, elderly, has an affection for White Castle. Known as a canterkous old coot who does what he DAMN well pleases.
Setting: In the Green (in more than one way) Room at the Kingdom Hall (aka Elders Room)..praryer has been said...niceities are out of the way....
Brother SR: "Brother Stinky, do you know why you is here?" (as he covers his nose with a Vicks soaked handkerchief).
Brother Stinky: "Why no, Brother Self-Righteous, I dont. Why am I heerah?" (as yet another SBD [silent but deadly] fart eminates from his a$$, about to waft over the nose of 3 unsuspecting elders.)
Brother SR: (in a muffled voice): "Well, Brother Stinky...its...ummm.. ummm..its like this.." (as he is sweating having to say what has to be said)
Brother Blunt: (coughing loudly now) "SR..just spit it out. Brother Stinky... your farts are killing...gag...gag...damn..did you just let another one?.... killing us...and we want to know if you are going to stop it or not?"
Brother Stinky (in his back woods drawl): "Really?...I never noticed...my wife never said nuthin'... "
Brother Blunt: "Stinky...you are an abomination. You fart at the meetings..you insist on sitting in the center of the auditorium......we cant assign you go to a book study in the home....no one wants to work in the field with you because you keep the windows rolled up...what ARE you eating?"
Brother Stinky: "not much...I just get me some White Castle for a little snack before the meetin'.... "
Brother SR.... "no wonder!!...they dont call them 'Belly Bombers' for nothing... cant you wait til after da meetun to eat them thangs?"
Brother Stinky: "its all we can afford and we are running behind from work tryin' to get to the meetin'..."
Brother Timid: "...I think Brother Stinky is a nice brother."
Brother Blunt: "...BOY....shut up 'n' listen...only reason YOU is here is because the CO said we gotta give you experience....you can read a scripture at the end."
Brother Timid: "...oh....OK..." (as his eyes roll back in to his head from the fumes of the most recent emmission from Brother Stinky...passing out....as useless before as after)...
Brother SR: "Now...lets get down to business. Are ya gonna stop eating White Castle before the meetuns?"
Brother Stinky: "Well...no....nothin' in the bible that says not to..."
Brother Blunt: "Oh...did you look at 2 Cor 7:1 like I told ya to?..it says: 'let us cleanse ourselves of every defilement of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in God's fear' ...do you have no Godly Fear (TM) Brother Stinky?...you is definitely defiling the air in HERE."
Brother Stinky (getting a bit hot under the collar now...): "Well you dont have to be THAT way.... and I AM going to keep eating my Castles...and if you dont like it too bad."
Brother Blunt: "George, I dont think he gets it, he keeps doin' it after we has all talked to him a dozun times...this is loose conduct....refusal to change at the whims..I mean ...refuses to listen to us God appointed elders."
Brother SR: "Brother Stinky..please excuse yourself..we need to chat a bit and we will give you a decision..please wait outside the KH."
Brother Stinky slowly gets up...with a wicked grin on his 85 year old face....lifts his leg..and rips the most atrocious fart the circuit has ever heard....then quickly waddles out...knowing even he may not survive this one.... laughing..shaking his leg.....
Four hours later...a decision is reached...3 hours, 45 minutes after Brother Stinky left the room, the elders awakened from their methane induced coma....paint peeling from the walls....and old faithful Brother Stinky, publisher for 80 years... was disfellowshipped from the Mt. St. Helen Congregation...where an eruption of another kind took place....
The Kingdom Hall was deemed unfit for habitation by the Regional Building Committee and razed. It was never rebuilt...oh...they TRIED....the concrete never cured properly for the foundation of the new building...something in the soil on that particular corner of the lot....hmmmm ...the congregation relocated across town. The old site is now on the EPA's Super Fund list. Watchtower Society is fighting having to pay for clean up costs....something about being broke from having to pay for pedophile settlements or something....
Brother Stinky and his wife can still be found at White Castle these days...along with his other foul bellybomber munching friends....... ...though now with a jar of beano...at Mrs. Stinkys insistence.....
