Best JW tall story/variations of it? (page 2)

MissingLink

Solace - please post your experience here for us all to enjoy.

White Dove

I heard the one about John Denver ordering out all of the JW's.

I heard that Johnny Carson berated him on his show by ordering him out because Johnny's mother was a JW.

The Avon lady got raped by a serial rapist, but the JW sister didn't cuz of two big men standing behind her at the door. Of course, those men were angels.

An African woman's belly swelled over time to 9 months pregnant size because of demonz not wanting her to study with JW's. Prayer got rid of the demonz. I'd like to know what she did with that baby cuz I just know she was pregnant.

How about that WT magazine on top of the shelf that demonz wouldn't let go of but did when the person said, "Jehovah!"

I swear, these urban legends, true or not, sure did give me nightmares well into my adult years.

HSS1971

i was told Annie Lennox stopped a concert to ask if there was any JW's in the audience, and if there was could they leave

I heard it was the band Earth, Wind, and Fire that did that.

nomoreguilt

DID YOU KNOW????In the 1970's the song " Crystal Blue Persuasion". by Tommy James and the Shondels, was actually about the TRUTH boook. He had recently become a witness and so the lyrics to that song. Listen carefully and you will see the facts of the song. True.

NMG

Shawn10538

There are versions of these stories, for instance the one about 2 angels protecting a woman and another godless woman getting the shaft instead, told by other religions as well. I just heard the one mentioned in the last sentence told on TBN by a preacher, so I wonder if it really was started by Witnesses.

My parents told me that doctors found a gallon of semen in Rod Stewart's stomach. Is that the one?

Smurfs getting up and saying, "I'm getting outta here!" and walking out the KH door. (I wonder where they went next, the pub?)

Demons strangling people, sitting on their chests suffocating them etc.

A voodoo witch in Haiti that drew a line and told a Witness that if he crossed it his head would fall off. So the Witness crossed it anyway and nothing happened. The voodoo man was purplexed so he crossed it too to check if the line was funtioning properly but then his head fell off instead. Apparently he was not too good at trouble shooting his spells. (I heard that one at Bethel actually.)

A missionary, in Africa of course, went to sleep without her net around the bed. When she woke up, there was a rat on her chest jumping up and down and nipping at her forehead (she was lying on an incline perhaps?). Of course she freaked out, jumped up and started screaming. Then she realized why the rat was jumping up towards her head. Her entire head was covered with roaches. After that she went insane and had to leave missionary service. (Told to me by the same brother who told me the head falling off one.)

An elder went to call on a family experiencing demon problems. The elder stood at the front door with the Bible and yelled at the top of his voice, "In the name of Jehovah I command you to leave this house and never return." At that all the books in the house began flying off the shelves. Books flying off shelves. Always books flying off shelves for some reason. Demons just love to knock books off shelves. Then the door flew open and came off its hinges, screen flapping and such. It was the demons leaving the house without closing the door, uncooth bastards.

Anti-Christ

Shawn that was funny. I have one. A JW missionary somewhere in Africa and he was in a village were kids would disappear. One day wile he was returning form a neighboring village he took a short cut through the bush and he stumble across two sorcerers sacrificing a child. The missionary started to run and the two sorcerers started to fly, they had a blue aura around them, they were catching up to him so he started to pray, of course Jebus saved him.

DisconnectingDrone

Some of the tall stories, I have heard:

I heard that it was Chris Rea who asked if there were any JW's in the audience, and for them to leave...

I also heard that in Sri Lanka no JW's were killed in the Tsunami as they were all at the special assembly day. Which was used as an excuse to say "that's why you should always be at all the meetings".

Two missionary brothers in the Australian outback hit a kangaroo in their 4x4, and stopped, nursed it back to health and put a WT in the kangaroos pouch. 6 months later the same 2 brothers found an aborigine tribe that had that WT and had set up a religion around the things in the WT.

A brother was preaching on the London Underground and another passenger took his book off him and through it out the window. Another traveler picked up the book and came in the truth.

A brother in America turned down a 6-figure a week!! (that's at least $100,000 per week) job to join Brooklyn Bethel.

London Bethel have a special operations unit and they were sent on an operation to recover a laptop from the closed down French Bethel-without this laptop they would not have been able to print any more French literature for at least 12 months.

A man with OCD was so depressed he tried to kill himself by putting a shotgun in his mouth and pulling the trigger. The man survived and cured his OCD. Used as an example to say "just coz so-and-so tried this or that, doesn't mean everyone should". Have they seen what damage a shotgun at point blank range does to someone.

During WWII an airraid siren started up during an assembly-but no one left. When the assembly ended the brothers left and all the buildings in that block had been demolished, but no damage was done to the assembly hall. Years later, a brother told a German brother this experience and he was a German bomber pilot in the war on this mission-his squadron had been given orders to bomb the assembly hall from Hitler personally-he knew the witnesses were meeting there, but each time they dropped the bombs a mysterious gust of wind blew them onto the other buildings. He ran out of bombs and returned home.

A brother went to the same Catholic school as Pope John Paul and shared a room with him. One went to become the pope, another went on to leave the Catholics and become a JW. The JW wrote a letter to the Pope explaining the truth. The Pope wrote back saying he knew the Catholics were wrong and the JW's were right but had to teach what the people wanted to hear.

Jimi Hendrix's guitar played on it's own. (i.e. demons)

I could probably go on, but my mind has now gone blank.

Sway

Richard Gere is rushed the emergency room to remove a gerbil from his butt.

Turns out the gerbil was a JW.

AnneB

A man with OCD was so depressed he tried to kill himself by putting a shotgun in his mouth and pulling the trigger. The man survived and cured his OCD. Used as an example to say "just coz so-and-so tried this or that, doesn't mean everyone should". Have they seen what damage a shotgun at point blank range does to someone.

This one's true: http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=940DE5D91730F936A15751C0A96E948260&n=Top/Reference/Times%20Topics/Subjects/C/Children's%20Health

Once upon a time a brother I once knew accidentally left his Bible on a bus bench after "street witnessing". He went back to look for it but it was gone. Several months later, *his* brother delivered a talk at a Circuit Assembly. After the session ended a stranger walked up to that brother and asked if he was related to "So-and-So". He answered yes, that the man was his brother. The stranger pulled out a Bible and asked if he would return it to his brother. He found it on a bus bench and, yes, was now "in the truth". I knew both brothers involved, both tell the same story. Oddly, they have never named the person who found the Bible!

Tired of the Hypocrisy

I remember one that was HUGE with Cuban refugees in the 1980s. They told of this famous boxer who became a witness. When he was interviewed they asked why and he said that he was now challeging the Devil for a fight for his soul.

Apparently he lost because he fell outta the tower not long after. So the moral of the story is not to challenge the devil because he is stronger than Jehovah and will boot you from a high place?

Of course none of their stories made any sense. All the men were elders back in Cuba...even the preteen boys.

Best JW tall story/variations of it?

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