Why i liked being a Jehovah's Witness...

by digderidoo 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  digderidoo

  There are so many reasons why I liked being a Jehovahs's Witness.
  
  1. We got to count time when we share our faith with nonbelievers or our young children.
  
  2. We didn't have to go to college to get a good job as a janitor or a window washer.
  
  3. We got to celebrate the birth of a child but not the anniversary of the birth.
  
  4. We didn't pass a collection plate at our meetings, but we got to put in our wills that when we die that our house, CD's, jewelery, life insurance, and cash can go the the Watchtower Society so that our family didn't have to worry about those things.
  
  5. We didn't have to be with our families during the holidays to enjoy each other company and eat the cookies, turkey, ham, pies, and other such food.
  
  6. Because we were the only true Christians on earth, we did not have the problems that other churches have with broken up families, adultery, fornication, pedophiles, over drinking, and gossip.
  
  7. We didn't have to worry about giving the poor and needy in our community food, clothing and shelter because we gave them the Truth which would enable them to live forever in a paradise earth.
  
  8. We had God speaking to us thru the Faithful and Discreet Slave and thru the Watchtower.
  
  9. We looked forward to a life in Paradise where there would be no cars, TV's, computors, radio's, theaters, washing machines, clothes dryers, refrigerators, stoves, airplanes. electric lights, or malls to buy or clothes.
  
  10. We got to go every year to a summer District Assemly vacation at the same city every year and have a picnic at our seats during the sessions and then stay at the fine hotels that we were told to go to.
  
  11. We knew the true meaning of the words soon, near, very soon, very near, so close, just around the corner, shortly, and near future.
  
  12. We didn't have to worry about getting old or having a retirement plan.
  
  Now I hope you can begin to understand why I liked being a Jehovah's Witness.

  Paul
• 

  OUTLAW

  You forgot..That we can pet Lions and talk to Blueberry`s in the new system.......Actually I can talk to Blueberrys after 6 beer..I`ve never been drunk enough to pet a lion.................OUTLAW
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  treadnh2o

  Great--Now I feel guilty for skipping the meeting today!!!
• 

  jehovahsheep

  i used to enjoy assigning good looking sisters to my car group.
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  zeroday

  i used to enjoy assigning good looking sisters to my car group.

  I was out in service in the 70's with 2 car groups we finished one block and met back with the other car...a sister was in the front seat of the car and I approached her to let them what street we would do next...I went to the car window where she was and leaned over and she was wearing a very low plunging neck line and had hugh tat tas...got the A ticket view...I quickly kneeled down as to not look so obvious...
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  WTWizard

  Let's not forget all the just plain men I will get to be with (and nothing else) in the New Dark Ages.
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  halcyon

  ooh! I learned to be very good at using and understanding metaphors, too! I can now speak in all metaphors if I wish.
  
  I learned to apply any scripture to any thing at any time. If I happen to look up the wrong scripture, well, heck, I can make it fit!
  
  I learned to see both sides of any situation ... I can see the bad side of good things, and the good side of bad things.
  
  I learned how to ignore all kinds of things I didn't like or didn't understand.
  
  I learned how to give the "right answer" without actually believing it. This comes in handy for lots of situations. I first learned this skill in school, trying to pass the evolution exams. I tried not to use the skill at meetings, preferring to keep quiet instead. But sometimes social pressure forced me to use it.
  
  I learned how to write a speech so that people are moved to applaud. There's a formula to it: it starts with a rhetorical question, proceeds with a quotation from an authoritative source, and ends with a rousing "we SHOULD do this if we want to do what's right!" This skill got me "A's" in college speech classes.
  
  (I also learned what the vocal sound pattern is when one wants others to applaud. Even if they're sleeping, they know when to wake up and applaud. This skill was mostly used for my own amusement at assemblies, on Sunday afternoon during the last talk.)
  
  I learned how rude it is to walk on people's grass and not on the sidewalk.
  
  I learned what lots of people's homes look like inside, and got lots of decorating and gardening ideas.
  
  I learned to read a map very well, and learned where all the streets were in my neighborhood.
  
  I learned how to sit still and tune out.
  
  I learned how to completely disengage reality from the ideal. This would sometimes cause me conflict as I'd drive home from an assembly, wishing I could live up to what I just heard, but as I drove through each town I realized how impossible that would be. That real life was not anything even close to what I had pictured at the assembly.
  
  I learned how to ask innocent questions when challenging authority, so that they'd never know I was doing it. I use that skill a LOT in business.
  
  I learned how to "stay out of" the really important issues, but how to butt into everyone else's private lives. This was encouraged, in fact.
  
  I learned to be proud of being poor and to flaunt it. The poorer, the better. "Bought those clothes at goodwill? That's nice, but I got mine at a rummage sale even cheaper! I'm better than you."
  
  I learned how to love, but with conditions.
  
  I learned how to idolize humans, like Pioneers and COs and stuff.
  
  I learned that "being single" is the only compatibility test needed for anyone to set you up with "the other" single person in the congregation.
  
  I learned that all one needs to do when one wants to get married is to ... well, to WANT to. Apparently if you desire to get married, a suitable mate suddenly appears. I never knew that before. I always thought people had to have things in common.
  
  I learned all there is to know about what constituted immorality and how to avoid it, and was shielded from knowing anything about sexual problems within a marriage. Apparently all marital sex is always wonderful? Because there's no practical advice anywhere on things like impotence or lack of libido.
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  aligot ripounsous

  to pet a lion..............

  Outlaw,

  Would you really pet the lion or just pat it ?
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  carla

  Your teasing about talking blueberries right?

  I think someone should send that in for QFR, what to do about loss of libido. The writing dept would all be scratching their heads, "huh? that's a bad thing?"
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  OUTLAW

  Pet/Pat....You say Tomatoe..I say Tomawtoe.....I would never pet or,pat a lion.....We have mountain cats here.....They just look at you,like your "lunch"..LOL!!...................OUTLAW