rejection

beerose

Hi all, newbe here! Around 4 years ago I started a study with a JW lady.I didn't tell her this, but I was sexually abused at the age of 4 untill I was able to get away from them! I went through life being angry,and I smoked pot so I could forget about the pain.My moms a JW and so is my brother,so I believed what they teach to be true! I find that studying with the JW forces you to look back at your life,going to meetings forces you to look back at your life! Hearing these men on the platform talking about the loud sin,you can't help but look back and ask yourself,did I scream? What does a 4 year old know about the law of screaming? My study conductor wanted me to become a NBP when we finished the knowledge book I told her I still have the urge to smoke pot(told her I smoked)And I really wasn't ready I could not understand why their watchtowers would be opposite from what their bible said? She never really answered my questions that I had.So I was confused! She wanted me to lie to the elders when they question me to go out in service as a NBP.I told her no,I would not lie and turn myself into a hypocrite.So we started the wisdom book,she asked me to work with her part time she needed help so I did,the more I was around her the more the more I saw the mask come off ! I would say things like (I was lucky)(dam)(god)and she would say oh no we don't say that!But than she wanted me to lie and she would steal and she would gossip about everybody at the hall to me!We were working late and than went to a thursday meeting,everyone was talking about the dateline show that we had missed because working,all the ladys was calling them liars of course they had to be one had a cross around her neck,and the my conductor joined in calling them liars when she didn't even see the show! this was the last meeting I went to,and I went to all of them!We still had are study and she came by herself and told me her brother inlaw told her husband he was sexually abused as a child by a family member,the way she told me was so cold hearted it disgusted me so much and than she gives me a #215-618-1505 to call,tells me its a joke but don't call untill I leave.I call it,a few days later my husband and I see her shopping she trys to hide so I don't see her ,with that dam she saw me look on her face,avoiding me,just wanted to know if anyone got the same #anyone?

flipper

BEEROSE- I am sorry you were sexually abused when young. And that you experienced hypocrisy in the witness organization. I hope you can receive professional counseling from a therapist to help you heal. Many witnesses did not want to admit the Dateline show on JW child abuse was true. But, it actually happened. Last year 16 victims of child abuse received out of court financial settlements from the Watchtower society because they were abused by witnesses . Welcome to the board- I hope you get some healing. Take care, Peace out, Mr. Flipper

Gopher

Hi Bee Rose, and welcome to the forum. You won't be rejected here, and I hope you stay and get the support needed as so many of us have.

Your story about two-faced Witnesses is not surprising. JW's are under pressure to look righteous, but the main thing seems to be to not get caught doing something "wrong".

I find it disturbing that your study conductor would tell the story about her brother-in-law's being sexually abused. This must have been very hard, seeing what you went through as a child. It was totally unnecesary.

Also, then why would she give you the number to a rejection hotline in Philadelphia? Here's a webpage about that phone number: http://phillyist.com/2005/07/20/phillial_618-15.php

Philly's Rejection Hotline number, 215-618-1505, directs you to a cheerful recording voiced by a man that sounds like he stepped out of an Enzyte penis-enlargement commercial: "You're probably boring dumb, annoying, arrogant, or just a general weirdo!” "This person would rather play leapfrog with unicorns!"

That phone number is a way to get someone to feel unwanted or rejected. Very strange.

beerose

Thanks flipper I am healing,had to mention this so you could see why I am feeling this way! I am near phila.I been wanting to post for so long and couldn't do it.Gopher thank you for the welcome yes it was hard I nearly had a breakdown over it! I never told anyone.I felt she tore the scab off of my heart and left me there to bleed! I'll never understand why she gave me that #,but nov.of last year they sent someone else here.I liked her and she seemed really nice so I started another study with her and she was able to answer some of my questions,I was afraid to get another rejection so I told her why I stopped going,"big mistake"they give me sheets on disturbing the peace within the congregation.I did confront the last conductor about everything when I saw her there! About the # she said everyone was passing it around! Now I can't help having this nagging feeling of being shunned,and I am not even baptised! They come and invite me to the hall so they can shun me?Don't get it! I started getting smart comments from their kids,they think I'm throwing stones at them,at the memorial these kids call me some things,the "memorial" it's been over a year since I quit smoking pot,I thought this time I could get through all of this and be baptised but after seeing all of this I just can't I don't know were to go from here,I don't even know how to pray any more,who do I pray to?I cried when I came across the silent lambs and the six screens of the watchtower,I even called my mom cring telling her every thing I read and begged her to get out its a cult,now she thinks I"m crazy! My whole life I grew up to believe JW's were the only true worshippers,even though I ran from it I still half heard and believed.How can I believe liars? If I feel this bad all of you who were baptised must feel worse! I'm sorry all of you had to go through all this pain,beerose

StoneWall

Welcome to the forum beerose.
It took me a while to put up my first post so I know where you coming from on that.
We are glad you finally did and know that you are among friends.
StoneWall

dawg

Beerose, many of us went through crap, but not as bad as you... to think about having that happen, on top of the rejection we already get form out families makes me sick. I honestly don't know how some of you guys out there do it... I wish you the best of luck. If any of us here can help, I'm sure you'll find that we are there for you....

treadnh2o

Welcome to the forum.

You won't feel rejected here.

We all feel some of your pain. Let it out!!

h2o

Hope4Others

Welcome to the forum beerose,

I am so sorry you were treated like that by someone who should have been your friend and a comfort to you,

You will find support here from many who have experienced much pain, I hope that you can find a measure of

healing that will bring you a positive hope for the future.

((((((Hugs)))))))

hope4others

LunaFing

Welcome Beerose! I was abused as achild as well so I know how you feel. I was mistreated by a lot of people in the Kingdom Hall as a teenager. I had a lot of emotional problems stemming from the abuse. I'm glad you didn't get sucked in. They are a bunch of hypocrites!

beerose

Thanks all,for the welcomes and surport! I'm new at this forum thing,first one I posted in(afraid of the computor).I have trust issues which made me a pretty much a loner lately.I Hope I don't say the wrong thing in anyones post! It may take some time to find me again.just reading what you guys have experienced has helped so much!Sometimes my 2nd study conducter still brings me watchtowers,emails me,and offers to bring me to meetings.I told her I was in the six screens of the watchtower,she might not be back! Shes one of the nice ones,although she's afraid to come in my house now! Oh yeah,I had the demon talk too! Had me throwing all my dean koonz and john soul books out.Even had me going to the hall for our study,they think the demons are still here! So I haven't had a study in awhile,I'm not going down there again.I did try the phone line this past sunday,but couldn't help but think one comment from the friend of the girl who gave me that #said was meant for me,it was the part where wicked men and impostors will advance from bad to worse!She made a comment about people creeping in the and starting trouble! So no I won't be back,maybe a couple and sit behide her to p*** her off !

rejection

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