confession

by Mulan 31 Replies latest jw friends

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    I haven't told this to very many people, so here goes.
    When I was a child, my parents became JW's (I was almost 5), so I had celebrated Christmas a few times, but have few memories of it, other than the bubble lights, and a huge tree and my grandparent's house. When we stopped celebrating it, I didn't really "get it", and I still believed in Santa Claus. I just thought he didn't come to our house anymore. I have a very clear memory of staying up late on Christmas Eve, when I was about 8, and watching the sky to see if I could see him. We lived in a house that was on a hill and had a full, clear view of the Seattle skyline, and I thought for sure I would see Santa, if I could stay awake long enough. I don't remember how long it was before I found out the truth of it.

    But, I believed, almost of my life, that teaching the Santa story to kids was wrong, but why? Does anyone know of a child who was harmed by this? I can't think of one example. My grandkids are so sweet, in their belief in Santa Claus, and I am sure not about to correct it, and tell them the truth.

    .

    Marilyn (a.k.a. Mulan)
    "Those who know, don't say, and those who say, don't know."

  • Seeker
    Seeker

    That was a touching story, Mulan. I can just picture your yearning to see Santa.

    I don't know what the best thing is to do for kids. I have assumed that teaching your child about Santa Claus was a bad thing (though a small bad) simply because on its most basic level you are lying to your child. What's the harm? My assumption is that the child, once they find out the truth, will wonder what else their parents told them that was a lie.

    Now, maybe this is totally unrealistic, and no kid thinks this way. I can't say from personal experience, because my pre-JW parents never taught me Santa Claus. I always knew it was my parents buying the presents, and I loved Christmas as much as the next kid despite that.

    So, is my theory all wet? Does it not matter if you lie to your kids? Or is that too harsh a way of expressing it? I truly don't know.

  • Andee
    Andee

    Hi Mulan,

    Let them believe. Some brat on the playground will fill them in soon enough anyway .

    Even though my 10 year old daughter knows better, she still professes to believe. She wants to hang on to the magic of it. I see absolutely no harm in it.

    Thanks for sharing your story.
    Andee

  • wonderwoman77
    wonderwoman77

    I was not a JW until I was 13, so I had to whole experience of santa claus. My parents even made up that I got presents from Ms. Claus, the reindeers and frosty. My parents use to make christmas magical for me when I was very little. Things fell apart when I was older, but I still have good memories. I was very angry at them when I first found out there was no santa, because they lied to me, I was 7 when I found out. The reason I was mad, was because I asked them when I was 5 and they lied then. But by the time I was 9, I realized how great the fantasy was, and was very happy my parents let me believe....

  • Princess
    Princess

    We were very surprised when our son started talking about Santa. I think it was two years ago, when he was three. He knew the whole Santa story and asked us if it was true. I just looked at him and wondered if I should kill the whole thing before it got started or let him believe for awhile. I asked him what he thought and he said it was true. Whew! If I had told him it wasn't true, he would definitely be enlightening a room full of 3-6 year olds this year! I would be in big trouble with a lot of parents. He just asked me tonight when Santa was going to drop off the presents, and can we go see him tomorrow. I love Christmas.

    Princess

  • Skeptic
    Skeptic

    Hi, Mulan,

    I would recommend that a parent tell their children about Santa. It is the custom of this country and helps them lead a normal life. It adds to their childhood.

    My two oldest regret being raised as JWs and not having a normal childhood.

    My youngest was raised as a JW for a few years. He was originally told that Santa did not exist, and later was convinced that Santa did. So, he got one Christmas where he believed in Santa.

    He figured out that the tooth fairy did not exist by simply leaving a tooth under his pillow and not telling his parents. Similarly, he figured out that Santa does not exist.

    I told him this year that Santa does not exist, mainly because he already figured it out, and because at his age, he could be teased. I told him that the whole tooth fairy/Santa thing is really done by the Easter Bunny who has to have something to do the rest of the year. He laughed about that.

    I think the best thing to do is abide by the harmless customs of our countries, so our children can have normal, healthy lives.

    As for it being a lie, even JWs lie. Read the definition of a Lie in the Insight book. It leaves plenty of room for deception. Even this liberal defintion of a lie allows parents to tell their kids that Santa is real. Who says a three year old is "entitled to know the truth of the matter"?

    What is a lie, a fib, a social custom? We generally consider a lie to be bad. But most people will lie when telling a fib, perhaps as part of a prank or to get someone to a surprise baby shower.

    Some social customs demand we lie. When I was a loyal JW, a sister asked me, in front of an entire bookstudy group, if she looked like she lost five pounds. The truth is, I thought she had gained five pounds. To be "honest and righteous", I would have crushed her feelings. Instead, I lied. I told her that I agreed. She was pleased. I was just glad I did not hurt her feelings.

    Elders have lied to me about why I didn't get certain priviledges. They were trying to spare my feelings.

    Even the JW yearbook gives several examples of JWs lying, mostly to "Jehovah's enemies". There are some examples of brothers lying to a CO because it was a custom in that country not to say anything that would make someone feel bad. The example was held out as an interesting experience in the CO work, and nothing was said about the brothers having "lied" to the CO.

    Richard

  • Simon
    Simon

    Our eldest has got the hang of Christmas i think - he's already 'hinting' which toys he like ("I like those" when a toy advert comes on)

    We haven't gone out to promote the 'santa' thing (BTW: remember - it's an anagram of Satan! LOL) but I think it could be fun.

    I can see their faces if we leave some food out (probably cakes - I don't like mince pies) and it's been eaten when they go downstairs to check (no doubt at the crack of dawn)

    "He's been!" they'll shout and begin to tear the house apart looking for presents.

    Nothing wrong with them having fun while they are little I think.

  • Quester
    Quester

    I don't remember ever believing in Santa Claus as a kid
    (obviously not a jw back then).

    I never liked Holidays and was relieved to give them up
    when I became a jw and I don't plan on celebrating
    them any time soon. I don't like feeling obligated and
    pressured to do things because everybody else does it.
    Takes the joy out of giving for me if it's an obligation,
    not a choice.

    But I can think of Santa Claus as fantasy and that's
    not always a bad thing. What do you think it does
    for children to believe in a Santa Claus? I mean
    how might it effect them in a positive way, instead
    of thinking of it as a lie and a bad thing like jw's
    say it is.

    Quester.

  • ozziepost
    ozziepost

    G'day Mulan and all you happy posters!

    Mulan, my own experience is somewhat similar. In fact, I can recall that it took many years before there was a complete 'finishing off' of Santa in our family. It was a long time ago now, but I recall it was the girl next door (weren't they always the ones to enlighten boys?) who woke me up to the fact that Santa was not real. I guess that realisation became the key for my parents' discontinuing the celebration with the tree and the whole bit. Dad was by now an elder!

    Mrs Ozzie and I have NEVER celebrated Xmas with our own children and their kids. Somehow I don't think it would have been so bad if we had. I can see now what is meant by the 'magic of Christmas'. I do feel however that it can go too far. But that's something for each household to figure out. It shouldn't need an organisation to tell them and demand obedience to its prohibition on Xmas celebration.

    I'm in sympathy with those who say "Put Christ back into Christmas"

    Hope your kids have a great one, Princess.

    Cheers,
    Ozzie

    "It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness."
    Anonymous

  • avengers
    avengers

    Isn't Santa an anagram? Satan. Go ahead tell your kids all about the ol'dude.

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