Help/Advice

andrrea

Hi All,

I've been lurking here for a while, reading and learning.

I'm not JW, nor have I ever been. Recently however, my younger brother (he's 25 years old) began dating a girl (she's 27) who is JW. She has succeeded in completely converting him, to the point where any discussion about JW turns into a screaming match. It doesn't matter who in our family brings it up, what we say, etc. He just ends up getting very angry. Tells us we don't respect him for "finding the truth" and how all we do is "put him down". He uses the Bible to further his arguments, and says things like "do you not understand what it says in Matthew 21:12" and "show me where in the bible it says we should celebrate Christmas".

My brother, although he isn't stupid, has always been easily led by others. This girl found a good guy that has the same ethnic background (very important for us) and completely took control. I'm not sure how long after they started dating she told him she was JW.

Any advice on how I/we can convince him to leave her and JW behind??

Andrea

DJK

He's 25 years old. As much as you and I could disagree with the decision he has made, I think it best to respect it and leave it alone.

Others here will advise you to suggest he research the JWs here and elsewhere on the internet. It might work and it might not, it's up to him now.

Welcome to the forum.

yknot

Welcome to JWD!

I would strongly suggest avoiding any shouting matches......it just further ingrains indoctrination techniques....

Perhaps try a different approach and ask about how the organization came up with....(doctrine of your choice)

Get him to try and explain it, then ask if he has done a thorough examination of this religion from it's beginings......(be like the Bereans), in fact many posters here will gladly upload older material ......ask and you shall receive.

Ask him if it is wise to accept things on the basis of a single book or publishing company. I suggest you find a publishing company that specializes in say fairies and make the comparison of totally believing the validity without any further research that fairies exist because this book and firm say the exist. .........Then ask the biggie....that maybe he is just into this now because of 'her'. That perhaps it is not his purpose to be a JW so much as hers to quit being a JW.

Tell him you have made a point to speak with some JWs and they have repeatedly said dating and marriage outside of the JW religion is considered a sign of weakness in the faith or demon possession. Ask why is this girl not dating JW men, but disobeying her own church writings..........Mention to him that these 'church's' writings prohibit sexual activity of married couples. That oral sex, mutual masturbation, & doggystyle can lead to DFing if the activity continues to be practiced.......Tell him you are worried because the amount of control you see in the religion versus being led by the 'spirit' rather then law.

wings

Welcome! I agree the more you confront him the more he will hear something like "the demons will make your worldly relationships reject you". Sorry.

You would be better to tone it down and not let the relationship become too frayed. If you could learn to speak to him with kind or gentle emotion about what you have learned. That might stick with him. If not now, down the road. Give him space. But if you care, ask questions here or do your own research. Celebrating Holidays would not be one I would pick. Try learning about the WTS involvement in the UN, or the 1914 date, or the shunning doctrine....there are so many.

wings

andrrea

Unfortunately I'm not quite ready to leave him be. I truly believe that JW is a cult. I feel lost, and my parents are heartbroken.

The screaming matches I mentioned occur because he gets angry that we reply calmly.

How do you respond to someone who repeatedly quotes Watchtower Bible passages? He has started doing the door to door thing, and definitely attends meetings regularly. I just can't believe how quickly this has happened.

megs

Hi there... I firmly believe the best defence is a good offence. With that in mind, do your research... Get Crisis of Conscience by Raymond Franz, it will help you understand the organizational structure of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Go to the many internet websites that discuss their beliefs. I would also suggest a subtle approach as opposed to the in your face method. Ask leading questions that will make him think. You want to encourage critical thought, by putting down the JW's beliefs you are putting him on the defence and this is making him put up a brick wall to what you are trying to say.

andrrea

Thanks everyone for your replies.

jwfacts

I am sorry to hear about the situation that you are in. I would suggest that you do not go into doctrine as this is a no win battle. The Bible can be used to support any doctrine, hence the reason there are 30,000 different Christian religions. Rather, discuss with him the history of the Watchtower Society. jwfacts.com lists a number of predictions that failed and http://www.jwfacts.com/index_files/5min.htm is a starting point for a discussion.

Recognise that his heart is involved, if he looses the religion, he looses his girlfriend as well. Do not expect him to act rationally. In the end, if he is unwilling to change do not fight about it. You do not want to totally loose him as a brother. If you continue to act kindly he will know you will be there for him if and when he does realise it is not the truth.

andrrea

Thank you JWFacts. Very much appreciate the link, and the advice. You've echoed my thoughts, but it is much more difficult to convince my parents of that. I do realize that the only reason he got involved with JW is because of his girlfriend, and that convincing him to leave it will mean that he will also very likely have to leave her. I realize it makes his choice to stay easier.

One odd thing I've realized as I do more reading here. This girl has gone to university, and she is a teacher by proffession. She has regularly slept over at my parents house (in the same bed as my brother). She has even (although he will not admit it) sort of cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend. Whether the cheating was physical, I don't know. I do know that she hid the fact that she met him for coffee/dinner a few times from him, and they argued about it within earshot of me.

yknot

How do you respond to someone who repeatedly quotes Watchtower Bible passages?

Use WT quotes back as responses.........the flip flopping by the "Faithful and Discreet Slave" is hugh!

PMing you WT 2007 CD information...

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