May you have peace!
For you... and others like you (i.e., those shunned by loved ones)... it might help if you keep in mind that they CAN'T respond: their minds... and hearts are veiled... blinded. They can't SEE you... because the Darkness stands between you and them. That is not your fault, however, and so it's understanding why this would hurt. Rather than being angry at them, however, perhaps you can find it in YOUR heart... to PITY them... for they are the ones in need of it. Try this:
Imagine that you were involved in a tragic auto accident that left you physicall, mentally and emotionally impaired. Where you formerly had sight, you are now blind. Where you formerly were a rational, reasonable, loving being... you are now vengeful, judgmental, hateful. But... you don't know it because you don't remember how you formerly were: you think nothing's changed, that your faculties are intact and you are acting as you always have. In that light, YOU think your words are kind but in truth they are painful to those you direct them to. YOU think you're greeting those you love... but in truth you've not spoken to them at all. You think you have on clean, proper clothing, but in fact, you're wearing under garments on the outside... and they're inside out... and dirty!! People even try to tell you, but your injury has so clouded your faculties... and you are SO blind... that what you believe is true... is not... and what you would previously have thought to be mean, disgusting, distasteful... is what you now say... and do!
And your affliction continues for several years until, one day, you're in another "accident." You're hit on the head and as a result your former faculties are fully restored! Your mind clears, the "lights" come on and you can see! And you "see" yourself... mentally, emotionally, physically... and this time, you maintain awareness of how you acted... and appeared... while you were ill.
Imagine, if you will... your utter chagrin at your former conduct and presentation. Imagine... your embarassment... your shame... your self-disgust. I ask you: can you FEEL that? If you can, then you know what a horrible feeling that is... one you wouldn't wish on an enemy, and certainly not on someone you claim to love.
Now, imagine, if you will, a time when those who've treated you as they are now are "hit on the head." Imagine the day when they finally "see" themselves... their conduct and their appearance... in full! Not only will they be standing there with their chonies inside out... some won't even have chonies! And there'll STILL be stains! Now imagine... their chagrin... their embarassment... their shame... their self-disgust. FEEL it... for them.
And now... allow yourself to feel... pity for them. For their chagrin... their embarassment... their shame... their self-disgust.
Because one day they WILL be hit on the head (actually, IN th heart!)... and the "lights" WILL come on for them. Maybe not in this system... but certain in the next. And they will need to be pitied.
But you don't have to wait until then: you can start practicing your compassion... now.
Don't allow yourself to turn into what you despise.
I bid you peace... and the strength to conquer the "bad"... with good.
Your servant and a slave of Christ,
SA