I've had it... I'm gonna do it.

by Darklighter 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • Darklighter
    Darklighter

    Soon. I'll be free from the bondage of the Watchtower pharisees.

    After over a year now of researching my belief in God and the Watchtower Society, I'm convinced that I can't live my life untill I'm out.

    They FINALLY just a few weeks ago deleted me as an MS, over SIX MONTHS after I asked them to. That's a big relief. They didn't get the hint from my 2 hrs. a month in field service, or the fact that I havn't commented in forever. They still ask me to adjust the mics occasionally and to be an attendant (both things that are usually reserved for "strong" brothers, haha). They apparently havn't noticed that I don't pay attention during the meetings, I just sit there reading my Bible, reviewing all the scriptures that prove their cherished doctrines are pure manmade bullsh*t.

    The hounders already shun me. Or at least the two that have all the "power". One hates my wife and I (for no reason mind you, but he literally hates everyone, what a fine Christian he is. He's REPEATEDLY slandared my wife and I as well as our respective families), the other Elder (our PO) just doesn't know what the hell to do with me and would rather pretend I don't exist because I went from being the most reliable and active MS in the hall to "bump-on-a-log" in a matter of weeks. From HERO to ZERO, at least in their eyes. The other Elders are really just MS's that have been granted the title of "Elder" (kinda like the Mormon kids that show up at your door, and with similar levels of Bible knoweledge too), but I'm super nice to them, if only just to confuse the two Elder Lords at the top.

    I still enjoy speaking to the elderly brothers and sisters, and I "encourage" them and tell them how nice it is to see them there. Everyone still has a very high opinion of me. And I want to keep it that way so that when I leave no one can say, "oh, I could tell he was acting like an apostate anyway, gnashing his teeth and all", although they probably still will. I talk to the young ones in the hall slyly encouraging them to go to college, but doing so in a way that wouldn't raise any eyebrows. All the while maintaining plausiable deniability. I like to join in their conversations about the latest "violent" video games they're not supposed to be playing. Hehe

    And my wife is still committed to the faith. But although knowing I don't believe anymore, she's disillusioned with the Org. herself. I can tell she's tired of the silly rules (she doesn't follow a good chunk of them, we watch "R" movies and occasionally play the what many JWs would consider "violent" video games). But she still believes it's the truth. I guess you could say she loves "the Truth" and "the Friends" but dislikes the legalistic organization and the pompus Elders. But doggoneit. She only follws the societys recommended study schedule, and no more. She doesn't do DEEP study!!! I wish she did because that's the biggest thing that started me on the road to apostasy! The fact that when you really get at the foundation of the societys dogma, and follow their clims to their logical conclusions, you find they are inconsistent and founded on baseless assumptions! She takes their word for it, and that of her mom, who happens to be a wonderful preson but is a staunch believer. She's an incredibly smart girl, but has willingly handed over her reason and thinking ability to a group of stuffy old men.

    Anyway... I think theres a good chance of getting her out, but I have to be very careful.

    I wanted to ask A@G to outline what topics he went over with his wife and which ones were most effective. I've been particularly inspired by his courage, and since our situations are similar I'd really love his input.

    Thanks everyone, i look forward to reading your comments and support.

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    WElcome to the board & the info you have given us. Good for you to study yourself out....Guess in MY opinion you have been visited by the HOLY SPIRIT The teacher

  • Quirky1
    Quirky1

    Darklighter,

    Your story sounds like a skipping record of mine except the JW wifey wasn't too proud and was ready to dismantle our realtionship. My heart goes out to you bro'! And the best of luck getting your wifey outta the borg!

    Quirky1

  • Seeker4
    Seeker4

    "She doesn't do DEEP study!!! I wish she did because that's the biggest thing that started me on the road to apostasy! The fact that when you really get at the foundation of the societys dogma, and follow their clims to their logical conclusions, you find they are inconsistent and founded on baseless assumptions!"

    Amen to that brother! Welcome.

    S4

  • Darklighter
    Darklighter

    Yeah, I do. Thanks for the suggestion! But I've already read through pretty much every one of ithinkisee's posts, and you're right... reading his thoughts throughout his process was certainly encouraging and helpful. But I don't think he posts here anymore, although I'd love to chat with him if I could find him.

    I'm still hoping I can get some input from A@G regarding the issues I mentioned above. Since our situations are quite similar and I know he still frequents the board and I greatly admire his courage.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    As an unbeliever, I can officially tell you... GOOD LUCK !!!

    B the X

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Keep us up to date as to how the exit proceeds in time.

    I hope you can save your wife/marriage along the way. Onthewayout is doing well in dealing with believer wife issues also.

    Jeff

  • burningbridges
    burningbridges

    Good for you!! As from one whom was unsuccesful at getting my spouse out, do it NOW before your out, because then the dicouragment will come from her fellow dubs and she will not listen, or will be less likely to. Questions questions questions. My best tactic was asking my spouse to go over something with me becase I didnt understand it but wanted to (not saying I wanted to show him some bulls*** I found) then when they are reviewing it with you, ask the sneaky questions (is it really so?) GET HER THINKING, NOT ON THE DEFENSE.

    burningbridges

  • jamiebowers
    jamiebowers

    Welcome to JWD, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, please read Steven Hassan's book, Combatting Cult Mind Control before speaking to your wife.

  • Eliveleth
    Eliveleth

    Hi darklighter,

    Welcome to JWD!. Freedom is so wonderful, isn't it?

    If you want to catch A@G you might send him a PM. Know

    how to do that? It alway catches my eye when I log in.

    Glad to have you here.

    Love and hugs,

    Velta

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