bad experiences with C.O.s?

by startingovernow 25 Replies latest jw friends

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  startingovernow

  TMS,

  I'm at the regret part, it's the moving on part I'm hoping for help with.
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  JimmyPage

  My C.O. was such an arrogant ass that I googled his name. Lo and behold, many others felt the same way. That's what led me to this website and opened my eyes to the real truth about "the truth". From the bottom of my heart I want to thank that C.O.
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  boyzone

  I'm gonna name and shame. Charlie Skurlock was our CO for a while. A man totally obsessed with field service. He and an elder gave me a shepherding call due to my son being disassociated for being gay. He implied that it might be a good idea if my son caught Aids then he'll come back into the truth. Asswipe.
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  ataloa

  As long as you believe Jehovah or God is involved, it all comes done to your unworthiness. Afterall his shepherds search for lost sheep. Their recovery is more important to him than the 99 who do not stray. So you must not be one. End of story.

  Thanks for that, TMS. That is exactly how I felt at the end. As things were getting bad and the people that had mattered to me all turned against me, I still had faith that Jehovah would not leave me, as he promised. He never came to my rescue, and I had to make the painful decision to leave my whole life behind, just to survive. I had to accept that I was just not one of his sheep.

  I went on to have a good life, the best I've ever had and more than I deserve; but I couldn't be truly joyful, because I still had that spiritual need that I didn't know what to do with. Over time, I looked back at what happened and began to think that maybe Jehovah's not coming to my rescue, was the rescue.

  Now I know I'm a diehard and I can't give up on anything I want easily. What if God had sent someone compassionate and kind to me from that organization and I was able to keep hanging on, still taking up the slack in every relationship, etc. I would still be there! Having a miserable, loveless life. For a person like me, I had to scrape the bottom, before I would have the courage to make a huge change.

  So I started to allow the thought that maybe it wasn't too late for me spiritually, and someday maybe I would find my way to god.

  Something led me to this board. I don't remember what. I've never been on one of these before. But I've learned so much about that organization and am so glad I am no part of it anymore.

  I used to believe it was Jehovah who saw me searching for God and had Witnesses come my way.

  That's exactly what I thought - and maybe it was. There is some truth in the WTS, as in other religions. It's just information. Like this board. Some things we could never have learned at other places and times in our lives. I think we should use it to sort things out in our minds.

  No one has THE ANSWER. We just have to take what resonates with us and try to find some peace of mind, I guess. I've noticed from reading a lot of these posts, that many people have had one belief when they got here and now totally believe something different.

  That may happen with us too; some of the sweetest-spirited people on here are agnostic or atheist.

  I don't know yet where I'll be when the board closes, but pm me a little later; I've never gotten into a lot of serious stuff here, because I thought I had all the time in the world, and I've mostly just been playing. But I will probably try to find a board for information, more than for socializing.

  I hope you're feeling better.

  Ataloa
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  startingovernow

  Hard to believe it's been nearly a year since I made this first post. I'm still wondering if anyone here has dealt with this particular CO -if so please PM me if you don't feel comfortable posting about your experience. To those who posted with similar feelings/experiences - thank you.
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  OnTheWayOut

  I don't know the C.O. you had trouble with, but since I missed your story back then, I will comment now.

  I resigned as an elder in August 2006 with a letter to the Body of Elders about all my "doubts." I was way beyond doubt, but I didn't want to get DF'ed or to DA for my JW mother's sake. The Presiding Overseer said I had to wait for "approval from Bethel" of my resignation. I said fine, but I was done from that August moment forward. I removed myself from responsibilities, but promised not to tell the members that I was not serving as an elder until HQ "approved" my resignation. (What a joke.)
  
  I met with the CO in early October 2006. He made no attempts to talk to me during his week with the congregation. I was there for his Tuesday meeting with the congregation, I missed the Thursday meeting, of course I didn't attend the Elders meeting (which, technically, I could have), and I was present for the Sunday meeting. After the Sunday meeting, I was leaving the Kingdom Hall and the P.O. asked me to wait to speak to the C.O.. I had to wait an extra 20-30 minutes before the C.O. could tear himself away from his groupies. He comes into the library.

  C.O.: I cannot stay long, I have a dinner appointment. I read your letter and Bethel has approved your resignation. So I guess there's nothing for us to discuss.

  (He was actually standing at the door for what he said, and was ready to just walk right out and be done. I was pissed that after 12+ years as an elder, he didn't have the time to even sit down and act concerned for me.)

  Me: That's it? You just stopped by to tell me I can resign now? You are in a hurry to get to a dinner arrangement?

  C.O.: I was here all week. If you needed to talk to me, why didn't you approach me? I didn't even see you out in service this week.

  Me: Yeah. You know, when one of the sheep is lost, the shepherd goes out and seeks the sheep. He doesn't expect the sheep to just come back on his own. But, you go on your dinner arrangement. You go enjoy the 99 and just forget about the 1.

  He paused and had a 15 minute discussion with me. Apparently, I got to him with that comment. But it was a total waste of time. He told me to decide what I want to do (practically told me to get in line with organization thinking or get out). He said that everything I needed was in the WT library, then as an afterthought, said I should study with two elders. There was no encouragement, there was no prayer.

  This worked great for my fade- showed me what a person's value to the WTS truly is. I really thought of the C.O. as the Society's representative, so I knew what I was worth to the Society- nothing if I am not bowing to them. I stopped reporting field service that month, stating that the CO stumbled me. I faded out totally by the next Memorial.

  Before that next Memorial, I was still there at the KH for the next C.O. visit by a substitute C.O. and the D.O. came with him. They never asked to speak to me, but I noticed that the P.O. and the secretary went out of their way to approach me in the auditorium after the Tuesday and Thursday meetings. They asked me about sports and the weather, nothing serious. I am confident that they did this so the D.O. and C.O. would see them talking to me at length, then at the Friday meeting with the elders, they could say how they tried so hard to help me but I was uninterested.

  The regular C.O. is the one who has been coming to the congregation ever since then. He has never called me. The P.O. has never called me. One elder calls every few months to invite me to a BBQ or a gathering. That's getting less and less frequent. I drop my wife and pick her up at the KH occasionally. My path has been crossed by cong. members here and there, but they say they miss me, meaning I should be at the meeting. I say they have my phone number or ask them if they want to do lunch sometime. None of them ever call and I have never done lunch with any of them.
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  vikesgirl101

  Somebody used the term "The dog and horse show' to describe the C.O. visits. So true. I hated all the little groupies that follwed the C.O. around hoping to get on the stage.
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  startingovernow

  On the Way Out,

  Wow, your experience is so similar it's scary. The thing I most regret is not speaking up to him - because I was afraid of being "disrespectful." Sad thing is, I went through my WT CD-Rom before his visit and printed out all the things that according to the articles, I had every right to expect from his visit. When I went to pull the articles to read the points out loud to him, I got this strange wave of "no, don't do that" that came over me. I now know I had every right to stand up for myself and wish I had spoken up like you did. The things he was saying were so contrary to anything I had ever read in the WT and I had even listened to an audio drama where a CO came and "encouraged" a "sister" that had slowed down in field service - my visit was handled the complete opposite -so very wrong. And the elder that had come with him made the same show of "concern" for me in front of him just before they left (up until they were ready to go out the door he had said absolutely nothing, and and done nothing before the COs visit, even though he was my BS conductor and PO), but after his visit - nothing. I really wished I had recorded it. Too bad I didn't have doubts about the JW teachings until years later - that's when I was finally able to let go. Even after his visit I was still "waiting on Jehovah."
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  bluecanary

  My mother was separated from her husband after finding out that (1) he had an emotional affair with another woman and (2) he had molested me for years. She was finding it very difficult to be celibate after 15 years of marriage. So she spoke the the C.O. (Haig, I don't remember the first name), asking for guidance on how to maintain her chastity since she had no grounds for remarrying. He was very blunt. Go back to your husband. He says this right in front of me with no regard for what the guy did to me. And he had no concern for the fact that her husband didn't even want her back!

  Amazingly it took another 6 years and more nasty, stupid comments from a variety of elders before we finally realized this wasn't God's religion.
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  Pistoff

  What you need to remember about CO's:

  They will always be loyal to New York.

  And I have no problem with naming the idiot that started my fade: Jack Thomas, a little drill sargeant of a CO.