Teenage Behavior: DF'ing Not Necessary

by metatron 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  metatron

  I have observed a number of Witness teenagers who left the 'truth'. I have also observed that most of them end up as responsible members of society as a result of their own path to maturity - and df'ing doesn't help the process.

  The typical duty of most parents of teenagers is to prevent their offspring from doing drugs, getting pregnant, crashing a car or going to jail. Once you get beyond that, most kids get tired of hangovers, get wise to their foolishness and settle down into conservative behavior that matches their parents.

  What they don't need is interference and judicial examination by external busybodies who can separate them from their families and friends at a deeply critical moment in their lives. Despite difficulty and some heartbreak - they need loving support , not isolation and abandonment.

  In particular, they need college because it's highly unlikely you will get a good career without further education - and because having a steady income can solve a lot of practical problems in life.

  Sometimes you think your kids will never grow up and 'fly straight' - but most of the time, with patience, that's exactly what happens.

  If the Watchtower Society is anything else besides dishonest, they need to prove, with hard facts ( and not anecdotes) that their ugly methods actually work in making kids better.

  As it is, their advice on education is sheer poison - and their cruelty towards teenagers is repellent.

  metatron
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  minimus

  When I was an elder in the 80s, we were ALWAYS having meetings with teens and some younger. Believe it or not, it was the PARENTS that turned their kids in for every infraction. The whole JC process is wrong from every sort of angle. Kids have it tough enough getting thru acne. Give them a break!
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  White Dove

  It has been proven by studies that the fewer societal attachments there are, the more trouble a kid gets into.

  Cut off those ties to parents, other adults and good kids in their lives and you get a very troubled teenager who may suffer depression, go to jail, and or die.

  Disfellowshipping is evil and wrong for anyone. Everyone needs attachments to keep them balanced.
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  yknot

  Oh but if they didn't have teenage DFings..... how else could they prove that the 'end is near'. And how would those Elders who need power trips to feel validated in authority ever survive.

  (2Timothy3:1-5)3 But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, 3 having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, 4 betrayers, headstrong, puffed up [with pride], lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away.

  Personally, Jesus wasn't dunked until about 30, kids are still growing & learning. Rebelling is natural & part of understanding and establishing boundaries (we call it headbutting in my family). Since they are children....they are still under their parents supervision & responsibility....... I would never allow the WTS to upsurp my authority as a parent.....but sadly most do.

  My sister was not so lucky......16 1/2 years spent lost and wandering . Not all 17 year olds can hack it when parents act like you are a leper and barely tolerate you, then kick you out with no support structures, transportation or experience beyond the JW world.
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  choosing life

  I always told my husband that they had no business in the intimate workings of a family. Most teenagers make very predictable mistakes. It is part of learning to grow up. There is no need to involve the elders or anyone else in this process. The majority do settle down, as stated.

  When a teenager is dfd, all the natural bonds of affection are prohibited when they are most needed. I still believe there should be some way to legally stop the process of shunning those who made a decision under the legal age.

  All shunning is evil, no matter what the age.
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  WTWizard

  And what happens if they ever succeed in getting the average age of baptism down to 6 or 7? I can just see people that are 8 and 9 getting disfellowshipped for a simple mistake. All it takes is to inadvertently salute the flag or return a holiday greeting, and a sibling catches it and reports it to Brother Hounder.

  Regardless of age, a person should never get baptized until they have the chance to examine the religion from all sides. For sure, anyone under 18 should be required to have read Crisis of Conscience and one of the mind-control combat books on the market before getting baptized. That way, they will know what they are getting into before taking the irreversible step.
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  jaguarbass

  The Wactower Society should not be telling parents how to raise children.

  And parents should not be listening to the Wactower society.
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  AnneB

  There was an article back in the '80's entitled "Is It Wickedness or Weakness?". My take on it was that elders were being cautioned not to make more of a situation than was actually warranted.
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  only me

  Teenagers learn best by making mistakes. Parents have to try and protect them ffrom the major things that can damage them but beyond that they have to be allowed to make some mistakes and not be made to feel that they've committed some great sin by being young and inexperienced. They need to feel their family and especially their parents will be there for them when they mess up. there isn't any place for shunning, public ridicule or belittling in raising teenagers.
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  jam

  some years ago my son drew a xmas tree in his class doing xmas. They posted all the drawing in the windows of our local shopping store. I was call in by the elders. My son was 7yrs. old.