My best friend died today... (page 2)

StAnn

So, so sorry for you. May you be comforted by memories of happy times you shared.

StAnn

lola28

I'm very sorry to hear the Confession, I'm sending you good vibes.

Confession

Thank you for your thoughts, friends... Was pretty spent last night. Didn't want to get into the details.

I've known James since we were ten, living in a little Northeastern Michigan tourist town. We became good friends in high school, I'd say, probably because I was fascinated by the way he lived life: so open, so free, so without fear...so unlike my life as a JW. Of course his fearlessness is what contributed to his death.

We kept in touch over the years. Sometimes getting together, but usually just a phone call three or four times per year. But about four years ago our friendship grew even stronger. I flew out to be at his wedding in San Francisco four years ago this month. He'd moved to northern California about 1997. He'd been married to a girl we both went to high school with. They had four children together, but the marriage fell apart, and James was marrying someone new. His ex-wife and kids moved back to Michigan.

Shortly after his wedding he offered to involve me in what he called "weekend work" for a company that put on college financial aid workshops in hotels throughout the U.S. Eventually I'd take him up on it--although I ended up joining the competitor of the company he worked for. Heck, he and his new wife even came over to our company a few months later. Along about the same time I joined this company (November of 2004,) I was also going through my "awakening" from the Watchtower Society. It was good to fly out to a different city every weekend, get away from the cult, and meet new friends while seeing every part of this great country. It helped me realize I could live wherever I wanted. My daughter (then 17) and I moved to southern California in June of 2005...then to the Phoenix area (where we live now) in September of 2006.

I moved to Phoenix because of James. He'd just bought a rental property in the East Valley area and told me how much more for my money I'd be able to get in Arizona than in SoCal. He was right. I bought a nice, big home (too big,) put in a pool, and I've been living in the desert ever since.

I'd see James most every weekend as we'd work out of hotels coast-to-coast. His new marriage was tumultuous to say the least, so instead of renting out the Arizona house--he turned it into his escape, occasionally needing to give he and his wife some space. So I'd see him a lot during the week too, at times when he'd schedule himself to be here. When he wasn't here, I'd take care of his house, picking up his mail and keeping the pool chemicals balanced. Ah, yes, the pool. He used the same company I had used to design mine. It was quite a sight! Long and rectangular with two, five thousand dollar Phoenix Date Palms cornering the west end of it. Most people in Arizona have play pools, keeping them five or six feet deep...but not James. He was all about size. At the bar he always ordered doubles. At the restaurant it was always "double meat." And he wanted his pool nice and deep. Almost ten feet deep.

That was James. When we were kids, he was always such an "early adopter." First I remember to start "going steady" with girls. To start drinking alcohol--and eventually using cocaine. He'd gotten away from cocaine years ago, but still had such an addictive personality. He was clearly an alcoholic, who'd wrestled with the problem for years. Then he'd seem to do well for long periods of time, usually confining his drinking to beer--and seeming to manage it well. He also took pills. Xanax, Vicodin, Soma. He knew they were addictive, so he'd get away from them for awhile, but it wouldn't be too long before he'd start popping 'em again. I'd talk to him about it often. He would quote one of his former corporate managers as telling James he had "an unquenchable need for MORE."

Anyway I'll give James credit for working on his marriage. No matter how bad it would get, no matter how crazy they'd make each other, he kept seeking to find a way to make it work. They had two children--to go along with James' previous four--and his new wife's previous two. But it was just a few weeks ago when he finally came to the conclusion that there would never be peace--and that, financially, things were falling apart. Inexplicably his wife failed to make three consecutive mortgage payments on their California home. James didn't understand, since this had never happened before--and he always made sure there was enough money in the account. To save the home from foreclosure was going to be an enormous difficulty, but he was up to it. His wife? Sometimes "yes," sometimes "no." Eventually he came to see that it was a losing battle, that they had to let the house go--and move to their only other property in good standing: the Phoenix house. But his wife would not have it. She demanded that he let the Phoenix house go, and that they either move into an apartment or with her mother in California.

After feeling manipulated during these years, he finally made the decision that the Phoenix house is where they should move. They had a perfectly fine home here in Gilbert, Arizona, the 28th "Best Place to Live" according to Money Magazine's 2008 issue. If she wouldn't come, that would be her decision.

Our team, including James, his wife and me, all worked in Springfield, Missouri, this past weekend. Since they weren't talking, he and I spent lots of time together. He was so happy there was a Ruby Tuesday's (his favorite) across the street from the hotel, so we ate and had a few drinks there Saturday night. He was scheduled to be here in Phoenix this week--for the first time in about five weeks, and was glad to get away from the discomfort of being around his estranged wife. His flight landed at Phoenix Sky Harbor airprot Monday about 10:40am, but he waited for mine to come in at 12:05, since I was giving him a ride home. I had to run home for some emergency voiceovers, but zipped back to have an early dinner with him. Where did he want to go? Ruby Tuesday's, of course! That "Triple Prime Burger" was his favorite. I like it too--and enjoy the salad bar, so we went. Afterward we went to his house for a beer and to talk. I was due to pick up my girlfriend around 6:30, and he was supposed to be going over to our friend Eddie's house for a barbecue. I left hiim around 6:20, giving him a fist bump and a man hug.

Rachel and I spent the evening together at home. I woke up around 6:30am yesterday (Tuesday) morning. I noticed Eddie had tried to call me around 5:15am, but I apparently didn't hear it. He called again at 6:44am, in quite nearly a catatonic state. He just kept saying he had bad news..bad news. It took me a couple of minutes to understand that James had been underwater for (he thought) about 15 to 20 minutes, and he couldn't get him out. It turns out he called 911, an emergency crew arrived and took James to the hospital. Which hospital, he didn't know. I hung up and called James' brother, who also lives in Gilbert, to tell him what I'd just heard. I began calling all the local hospitals, eventually finding one who said--not that they had someone there by that name--but that they could only speak with "next of kin." Great. I called his brother back and we both raced there. James had been pronounced dead at 5:21am.

Rachel and I spent most of the day with James' brother's family, bringing food over and just talking. Later we stopped by to see Eddie. Turns out, after the barbecue at Eddie's house, they walked over to James' to extend the party poolside. There was lots of vodka and other drinks, and James started popping his pills. At this point, from Eddie's description, I believe they were Somas, which are very strong muscle relaxers. I know what he'd get like when he took them. Eddie told me he saw James taking them on four occasions during the night. He started with three. I once took one Soma, and I slept for about twelve hours. I can't imagine three. But Eddie tells me he saw him go back to his little bottle three more times. According to his foggy calculations, James must have taken at least five--but as many as nine of them.

I know you may be thinking this was a suicide, but you'd have to know James. He had very specific goals he was working on--which he discussed with both Eddie and me. And, as his former manager said, he had "an unquenchable need for more." He just didn't know when to quit sometimes.

He and Eddie were swimming in the pool, shooting baskets, doing cannonballs, etc. At some point, Eddie just didn't see James anymore. He looked all around, soon noticing he was right down at the bottom of the pool, face down. He immediately tried to swim down there, but...the pool was too deep. He got out several times to dive, hoping he'd get down there further. Three times he actually got his hands on James, but he was slippery, and he just couldn't move him. Understand that James was probably about 240 lbs--while Eddie is more like 160.

Here is the official warning that comes along with Soma: "Soma can cause side effects that may impair your thinking or reactions. Be careful if you drive or do anything that requires you to be awake and alert. Avoid drinking alcohol. It can increase drowsiness and dizziness caused by Soma."

So in all likelihod James just fell asleep in the water and that was that.

All day yesterday and today I've just been taking calls. From our workmates and friends. They're all concerned about me because of our long history, closeness and typical, constant contact. They say it hasn't hit me yet. I think it has. I have brief moments of intense sadness--and I've even gotten pretty angry a couple of times. At some point I suppose I'll realize the huge void this has left in my life. But what I'm experiencing is nothing compared to the sadness this poses for those six children he left behind. Two of which will most likely never remember their father.

Poor Natasha (18), Nick (16), James III (10), Jay (7), Penelope (3) and Raul (1.)

jamiebowers

I am so sorry for your loss. How in the hell did he get a prescription for Soma anyway? I was given one by a doctor years ago for a severe back injury. I only took them once and then threw the rest away. It made my whole body feel like cooked spaghetti. This is such a shame! Doctors really need to lay off the prescriptions already. I live with chronic pain in my lower back and left leg, because pain medication makes me really mean--like a belligerent drunk. I am so, so sorry that this happened.

Please, everyone who is on pain medication, be careful.

Eyes Wide Open

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss...friends are sometimes the hardest people to lose. My deepest sympathies... EWO

amama2six

What a tragedy...my sympathies to you, his family, and all his friends. I can only imagine the pain you must be feeling. (((HUGS)))

I've gotten a prescription for Soma because of my fibromyalgia. Like you, Jamie, I took one and threw the rest away...they made me feel awful! If I went back claiming they had "worked" for me, however, I've no doubt I could have acquired refills...probably indefinitely.

compound complex

Thank you, Confession, for the beautiful poem and captivating story in memoriam of James. It can't have been easy to relate. We've all taken away something meaningful from this account.

Peace and love,

CoCo

My best friend died today...

White Dove

StAnn

Casper

quietlyleaving

lola28

Confession

jamiebowers

Eyes Wide Open

amama2six

compound complex

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