Dear Friends,
I will try not to make this a maudlin goodbye. Well, maybe a tad maudlin, but not goodbye , as I have every intention of returning. I am just tired right now, and extremely busy (wrk, school, pregnancy). I feel I need a respite from the board. I will be “seeing” you guys soon, but if not, I want to thank you all for being here, so that people can stumble in from the Borg, broken, bruised, crushed and know that they are not alone; that there is life after being a Jehovah’s Witness. A GOOD life.
As many of you know I have been totally and utterly distraught over little Laree Slack. I still think about her—a lot, maybe too much. I can’t get the image of her laying bruised, beaten, gagged—thinking even with her last breath that she was getting what she deserved from god, her parents, her congregation--everyone. I believe, I cannot let go because there’s so much of Laree and her story in each one of us who grew up as Jehovah’s Witnesses. Many of us were abused ourselves, and even if not, we were metaphorically bound, gagged and had life beaten out of our souls. Our voices, our screams--stifled, and gagged. I don’t want to keep bringing it up, but this story has attached itself to my heart, and quietly drains my happiness, drop by drop. I am a happy, whole person since leaving the Kingdom Hall. However, lately, I feel much as I did as a Jehovah's Witness child—helpless against this massive steamroller of souls called the Watchtower bible and tract society. I don’t like feeling that way. But every time I come on board, and look at all the ruined, or at least scarred lives, the “society” has leaves in its wake, I can’t help it. And they don't care. They can't be guilted or shamed into any sort of apology or reparation. Because they don't care. They are totally devoid of love. I don’t want to say they’ve won, I just need a break from battle for a while. I don’t even like thinking of it as battle, but it is so like battling the borg. Resistance seems futile. They seem to have such a chokehold on peoples’ souls—this is hard enough to watch being done to consenting adults, but when I see children having their minds raped (and someimes bodies), it’s intolerable to me. And it’s not something tangible you can fight. They take people’s humanity and stuff it behind a wall of dogma. Their meme’s are so strong, and deeply entrenched that to even question them, strengthens their teaching that they are the most persecuted people on earth.
I used to think that there was a lot of goodness just beneath the surface of dogma of the average JW. Even the GB, I thought was probably good hearted. But I no longer think so. The Borg of Star Trek so appropriately allegorizes them—totally devoid of any human emotion—the preservation of the collective and absorbing more energies into the collective is its sole function. This is most starkly illustrated when they have to chose between the reputation of the org. and the welfare of a child. And again, when you see mothers (my god! Is there any stronger relationship than that between a mother and child?!) reject their children, and grandchildren because of the dictates of an organization--or because their child is no longer in the cult. How do you fight something like that? Are we making progress? Are we helping people to get out? Or just reiterating their insanely paranoid belief that they are persecuted? Are we making them be honest, or just helping a huge, megalomaniacal religious corporation get a little better at covering themselves.
Keep fighting my brothers and sisters in arms. Maybe if there is a god (and it’s the god of justice that they always taught me about, he will help. My thoughts are always with you (the only people on earth who could possibly know where I come from). I am going to spend a little more time with Amnesty International, where you can at least touch or get a response from the harshest military regimes and governments, because they’re still a little human underneath (or at least afraid of public opinion).
Much Love and blessings,
Bridgette