Just want to introduce myself

cjones

Hi everyone, I have been lurking for a very long time and have been pretty much blown away and sickened by what I have learned on this discussion forum (this is actually the first forum I had ever visted). I am married to man who was not a JW when I met him (although he was raised as one from his early teens but left when he was in his 20's, oh and that was when he started attending college), to make a long story short we met, fell in love, got married, had a few children and then 20 yrs later he started attending the "meetings" or better yet "the indoctrination sessions" again, which btw he did not tell me that that was what he was doing!! Shortly thereafter I began noticing changes in his personality, and it wasn't for the better. He called me "evil" on several occasions because I did not agree with his "beliefs" (I am a christian) and as a result there was alot of conflict and tension in our home, but worse of all the children were caught in the middle of a tomultuous situation. I am completely frustrated and overwhelmed, and feel ill equiped to deal with this situation. When I decided to research the JW on the internet and discovered this forum I was totally unprepared for the things that I have learned on this website, I have silently cried by some of the stories of many here. I have lost sleep, gotten physically ill, and have had to stop reading for a few days because I did not know how to digest all of this information.

Now after 2 1/2 yrs. things are still the same with hi's and low's, sometimes I feel as if I am going to lose it. but I continue struggling. I read everything I can get my hands on. COC is my favorite - that is a definite must-have book - but of course my hubby will not read it, I keep it on my nightstand in plain view!!!! plus I have boxes filled with printouts of this forum and others so that if he is ever inclined to read them, it is easily ascessible. I read Barbara Anderson's story - WOW!! what a tesitmony. I had no idea that the Society was such a wicked organization. Now every chance I get I try to inform others about the truth regarding the WT. They are horrible. My family used to be normal. I have been deceived, I do not believe anything my hubby says, it has ruined our relationship I do not trust him anymore. it's so sad. 2 yrs ago I pm'd someone from this forum and everything she wrote was 100% true. how sad it is, for me and others. God Bless and thank you. cjones/ a mom

choosing life

cjones, thanks so much for sharing your story. It is such a shame what the jws do to families! I hope your children are about grown and not so influenced by your husband's beliefs. I am glad you have educated yourself about this cult, that is your best hope.

I hope things work out for you and your family. Sincerely, choosing life

cjones

Hortensia, Gregor, Choosing Life,

Thank you for your kind words. I will not under any circumstances give up on our relationship. He is a very smart man and I have faith that someday something will "click" and the scales will fall from his eyes.

I have to get off the computer now, (it's in my childs room and he's going to sleep) I will be back tomorrow. Bye for now.

HAL9000

Hi Jonesy,

I am so sorry to see the problems that you are going through, but I am so glad to see that you have not been fooled by the "smoke and mirrors" of the WTS: it is so important to be true to yourself and not to be enveloped by the anits of the congregation. There are a few "unbeliveing mates" or UBM's on JWD (as you have no doubt seen) who can at least empathise with your predicament.

I almost think of myself as a "disbelieving mate" as I can't believe that my wife got mixed up with this lot!

h9k

Evidently

It is truly discusting they're total disregard for the family unit. My sister in law hasn't been to a KH in over 3 years, she got pregnant and recently had a baby. The father showed signs of mental instability and she feared him being around the baby except for brief visits so she chose to move back in with her parents to have them help her with the baby (and financially). The elders found out about it and they are DF'ing her Wednesday night and have instructed the parents that she must move out. We have no room for her and can't babysit for her while she works, not sure what the outcome of this will be but it's gonna get ugly.

She wan't hurting anybody or anything living there, they know they are causing her great hardships and putting the parents in a very uncomfortable position. I know, I know, they are doing her a favor so that she will come back to Jehovah (that'll never happen).

Mrs. Fiorini

cjones,

Welcome to the board! I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties in your marriage. I hope this board continues to be helpful to you. Don't give up hope. Your husband left the organization once before, maybe he will do it again.

Evidently,

Sorry to hear about your s-i-l. The story sounds rather shocking. If it became public knowledge in your community (a newspaper story, etc.) that the JW's were rejecting a member because she left her husband for fear of violence against her or her baby, and then threatened to reject her parents as well if they didn't throw her out, I think that would bring some very unwelcome attention to the JW's. Perhaps it would cause them to change their position. Maybe there is more to the story, but when I was in, there was a policy that under extreme cases involving violence, a woman had a right to leave her husband. She just couldn't remarry unless he committed "adultery" first.

insearchoftruth

cjones,

My situation is almost identical, my wifes family is in the borg, but when I met my wife she was not active at all, in fact having just finished a five year tour in the Navy. She had started a couple of other studies and stopped, but this time she is a bit more serious with her study, at least so it seems.

She will not listen to reason when I talk to her, it does amaze me that she and the sister and the sisters husband talk about how important it is to 'take a serious look at your religion', but that only goes if it is not a serious look at the wts.

I can empathize with you, and I can feel what you are going through, I have had many sleepless nights since she has started again, and she is like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, showing the JW personality at one time and her authentic personality at others.

I love her and I know she is a smart woman, just having been misled.

Please ask questions, all of us UBMs learn from the experiences of others!

ISOT

With respect to counseling, I have pretty much gotten the same answers...and I too have often thought about seeking counseling on my own if she refuses to go with me........

Will Power

dear (cjones)

my exact story. It has been a long time and most of the time, a very rough road. However, I do see a light at the end of the tunnel.

here are some things that helped me:

I've been in COUNSELLING for about 8 years. Can't say enough great things about this...
Through what I've learned & healed, I've managed to get him to sessions on a regular basis. This has helped alot.
Trick to counselling is find one you connect with that is familiar with cult life/personalities. The first 1 or two might not meet YOUR requirements. Don't settle.

READ: This discussion board saved me & our marriage. Not so much for the doctrinal stuff, however it is important to understand their deceptions - It was for the heartfelt stories, the idea that we've all be terribly affected by this monster.
I found that In Search of Christian Freedom helped me too. as well as Captives of a Concept & the Steven Hassan books - combatting cult control & Releasing the bonds.
I don't think its a good idea to leave the anti-books out for him to see. Don't hide them, but just not in his face. Feeds his fear of evil/you.
BUT DON'T FORGET TO FEED YOUR OWN SOUL. Read some good non-fiction yourself as well as fluff. TOO much seriousness is NOT GOOD.

THEY SAY IT TAKES 10 YEARS TO COME OUT OF A CULT (if you come out) In the beginning I wanted to know everything. I couldn't believe it was possible that an org like this existed, let alone that extended family members were involved. AND NOW MY HUSBAND! It was panic all the way in the beginning. WARNING hindsight is 20/20 and that attitude set me/us back a few years, I'd say about 5! in the awakening process. We even separated for about 1 year it was that bad. This whole nightmare has been very hard on the kids. Luckily we really were in love - an emotion not easily understood - and that took about 8 yrs to realize.

THE PENDULUM: We still have the "swing" going. Long periods of cult activity with short authentic personality times has done the flip to: long with real hubby to short/no cult activity. These periods where your husband is being his old self at first might be hard to detect (first place is in the bedroom - keep that going for sure LOL) Next would be to remember the small things you used to do or say "in the old days" WOO him to remember, participate. When the cult guy shows up just let him be. Continue to do fun things on your own & with the kids ALWAYs ASK HIM TO PARTICIPATE. and watch for that man you married - with practice you can get that guy to come around more often.

CHOICE OF WORDS for women its hard to believe that simple words to a guy really make a difference.
Example always use: would instead of could (would you sit with me ...take out the garbage....);
like to instead of should (I'd like to be able to);
what made you instead of why did you do that
etc.

We are still miles away from an ending, but during this last year we've made huge strides towards it. Our marriage is better for it. If we had of done this work before he might never have been caught up in this. Who knows. I wish you all the best. Deciding to do the long haul is the hardest decision. I looked at it as if he had an illness - that might not work for all, but it helped me at the low times.

wp

Witness 007

Oposite for me I got myself then my wife out of the Witness organisation and now we are breaking up.....she said thank you for setting her free, that was nice I guess.

kzjw

cjones;

I'm one of those UBM's Hal9000 spoke of, you said you read COC(I aausme you meant Crisis by Franz) You should read Captives of a Concept as well. This book allows you to get to a place where you understand it's not your husband's fault. It's what made me stay with my wife so far. We've also done counsellng. But if your Hubby's in "headship mode" he'll side with the BOE who'll tell hime he only need Jehovah. You made need to do something to shake him up, but only you know what might work.

I hope you find peace...

Just want to introduce myself

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