Part 1: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/163998/1.ashx
Part 2: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/164136/1.ashx
Part 3: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/164163/1.ashx
Part 4: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/164402/1.ashx
Part 5: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/164488/1.ashx
Part 6: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/164546/1.ashx
Part 7: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/164668/1.ashx
Part 8: http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/164743/1.ashx
This is the concluding part to my story and continues from my time spent in the USA to the present.
I hope you have enjoyed reading it and that it helps you in some small way on your road to recovery.
My Story: Part 9 – Journey’s End
A Fresh Start
My prayers were answered. I felt I had been given a new lease of life in Jehovah's Organization. I had left my old congregation in the UK and moved to America to marry my wife. I was being used by the congregation, giving talks and doing the microphones. There was talk of appointing me as a ministerial servant. My field service hours were in the mid-20s. What more could a young, married brother ask for?
My new congregation was very zealous for the ministry. There were a lot of pioneers in the congregation and they encouraged those of us who couldn't make the 70 hours a month to have the pioneer spirit. My wife had not long finished pioneer school and many of her friends had also attended.
Doubts Set In
I have mentioned before that I had several doubts about the organization and its teachings. I had tried to push these at the back of my mind, especially as I felt God was blessing my efforts to serve him in a new congregation. I couldn't see the scriptual requirements for reporting time - it simply wasn't necessary in the first century. True, Jesus did send out his 70 disciples and they did bring back a good report, but this was a verbal report, not a written one.
The prohibition on birthays was another problem; although the Bible mentions birthdays in a bad light, it does not specifically prohibit them. The first mention of a birthday was Pharaoh's. If you look at the account closely, you will find that Jehovah was very much involved in this affair, for he gave Joseph the discernment to intepret the dreams of the cupbearer and the baker.
The bible also contains a candid reference to celebrating Christ's birth - in fact, all the angels rejoiced. Why should it be any different on his first birthday?
The Society is probably correct to say that first century Christians did not celebrate birthdays - but there is one thing to consider - most of us are not from Jewish backgrounds therefore traditions will be different. A birthday is a useful measure of time which markes defining points in our development.
Silent Lambs and the UN NGO Scandal
I had been on the Silent Lambs website for a while. One of my relatives had been abused as a child in a foster home, so I was familar with the growing problem of child abuse in the organization. I remember watching the Silent Lambs Bethel protest when it was shown on TV.
It was hard talking to my wife about these issues - she was a true blue JW even though she was not raised in the truth. We had endless arguments about "the truth" and they always finished badly.
The more I read about the Society's coverups the more miserable and depressed I became. I was beginning to realize that we were not the happiest people on earth and that there were deep, dark secrets which had laid dormant for a long time and only now were they being uncovered.
For the next few months I read everything I could on the organization, its history and its teachings. I couldn't order any books on JWs because we always had witnesses round our house and I didn't want them finding them.
Saving Lives or Counting Time?
The different methods pioneers in my congregation used to count time was a fascinating subject in itself. I began to see that they would count time simply by leaving a tract at an ATM machine - yes, I really mean that.
There was a group that would meet at 4am in the morning - I went with this group several times. I began to see that pioneering was simply a status symbol. Interestingly, most of those who went to the pioneer school quit pioneering after less than two years. The brothers seemed to burn out the quickest - all of them stopped pioneering soon after getting married - this in itself suggested that they had only pioneered to get their girl.
A typical 4 am start would involve getting up at 3:30 in the morning, for a coffee and a quick bite to eat. Our driver would pick us up at 4am and we would spend the next four hours doing gas stations, canvassing hospital waiting rooms and leaving tracts in ATMs. This would be followed by breakfast at one of the local eateries, followed by the field service meeting at 9:30. Another two hours of preaching and return visits would follow. I was thoroughly exhausted after this and was too tired to want to anything for the rest of the day.
It seemed that pioneers were more concerned about their hours, in fact this was one of the most popular topics of conversation. "Have you got your hours in?", "Have you made your time?"
Was this really a life saving work?
I began to notice that pioneers would use any trick in the book to get their time in. This involved taking bible studies to visit Bethel where they would count the entire time including the journey. One pioneer would deliberately ask her bible student questions about the bible during the journey so she could count her time.
Sisters would stand outside the Kingdom Hall waiting for their prey, I mean a potential interested person, and then push a tract into their face. This was called informal witnessing.
Declining hours and meeting attendance
After I got my work permit I found a part time job and I stayed in this job for about a year. My increasing disillusionment with the organization was having a negative effect on my ministry and my hours. I started to slack off and stopped reaching out for greater privileges.
An elder in my hall seemed concerned and later told me that "the circuit overseer won't look at anyone whose hours are less than 10" - this comment struck a chord with me - how could he say that? Did I misread Paul's letter to Timothy about the requirements for being a ministerial servant?
My wife and I weren't getting on well - the continual discussions and fights over the organization and its teachings were putting great strain on our marriage and would do so for many years. I admit I was pushy with what I was learning, but I had to live, breathe and eat rotten spiritual food on a daily basis. It was becoming too much. My wife soon got used to the idea that I was never going to get my zeal and faith back in the organization.
My meeting attendance was also beginning to slip. A couple of the elders in my hall asked if there was anything they could do but I told them I had things under control.
College
If there is one word in the Society's lexicon that is hated, it is college and higher education. They were lax about higher education in the early 90s when they realized that many pioneers had to come off the list because they were only making minimum wage. By the time I went for my degree, college was out and trade school was in - as long as it was a short course.
I had been to college before, but this was the first time I was really looking forward to it. I worked two part time jobs to make ends meet and pay my way. My wife was working part time. During my college years, we struggled a lot financially but I am happy to say I graduated with no student loans. I really appreciate all that my wife did for me and her support during those years.
My congregation was dead set against higher education - they preferred their youth to pioneer straight from high school. Not every elder had this extreme view and a couple of elders allowed their children to go to college. One of them told me privately there was no way the Society were going to tell him his child couldn't go. He told me that the elders said to him that if any youth asked about college he was to give the party line.
My 15 Minutes of Fame
A few years ago my congregation was asked to produce the drama. I had never been in a drama before and was excited about being part of it, even though I didn't fully believe this was the truth. We practised every week. I had a limited speaking role. When the time came to perform I couldn't help but feel I was playing two people - my character and myself.
When the time came to perform, I was mindful that thousands of eyes were watching me as well as everyone else. It felt surreal. I've often felt that exJWs are the best actors - they have to play the faithful believer while living the real half of their double life away from everyone else.
Our Two Bundles of Joy
We had always planned to have children and a few years after our marriage we gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Planning for a baby takes a lot of time and effort, but Jehovah's Witnesses have additional planning to do. What if the mother or baby needs blood? By this time I already knew about the ridiculous man-made rules on blood fractions and had disposed of my blood card, but my wife was still a firm believer in the Society's prohibition on blood. I reluctantly filled out the paperwork with the hospital concerning our stand on blood and hoped for the best.
A couple of years after the birth of our first child, we had another one, this time a girl. During this time period a number of high profile cases involving Jehovah's Witnesses and blood transfusions had made the headlines. One case in particular, that of Emma Gough who had died giving birth to twins made me very angry with the Watchtower's refusal to relax the ban on blood.
I told my wife that if my children ever needed blood they could have it and she reluctantly agreed.
A Close Call
Shortly after the birth of our second child my wife haemorrhaged losing a lot of blood. I panicked. I didn't know what to do. She was unwilling to have blood or even blood fractions. The bleeding would not stop and I prepared myself for the worst. The doctor gave her drugs to try and control the bleeding and told us if they couldn't get the bleeding to stop they would have to try other methods. They knews she was a Jehovah's Witness and refused blood.
The irony of the blood transfusion policy manifested itself. During her second pregnancy, she was wearing a "no blood" bracelet and had a "no-blood" label above her hospital bed. Fortunately, a nurse who was familiar with the blood policy persuaded her that she could have blood fractions and my wife relented.
So you can't have a blood transfusion but you can have a transfusion of someone else's blood fractions - what kind of reasoning is that?
My wife began to pull through and her blood count improved, but it was a close call. I couldn't imagine telling my kids later on in life what had happened.
Road To Damascus
The journey out of the organization was long and hard. My wife was also disillusioned but kept on going. The more I learned about the organization and the deliberate lies and deception they put out, the less I time and effort I put in to it. Eventually, my ministry dwindled to nothing but I had learnt the art of deception from the Society and began to put in fake reports. This continued for a few years until in the end I stopped reporting altogether. The elders left me alone and never bothered to find out what was wrong. In time, my meeting attendance dwindled to nothing and I was inactive.
My journey had taken over 30 years, but I was free.