WT Wizard,
I am very concerned about you. Your posts have become more bitter and angry in the past few weeks than they have been before. You may not realize it, but these churning emotions in you are going to end up making you very sick. I mean physically ill. Maybe emotionally ill, too. I think you need help outside of this board. I hope you will seek counseling because you really need someone to talk to that can help you put things into perspective and come to a resolution. You will never be able to find any joy or happiness if you keep holding on to these emotions.
My two cents worth is that you are blaming god, when clearly these are man's doings. God didn't do anything. (That's the problem) All these things were done to you by man. You were a trusting soul at one time and they corrupted that.
Life is a learning process. You need to get beyond this pain and find a way to overcome it. Sometimes we cannot do it alone. Sometimes it takes a professional counselor because friends don't always have an answer. Please think about it.