Mother-in-law said she will not talk to us anymore...... feel the love.

by New light for you 38 Replies latest jw friends

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  jgnat

  I'd be thinking about the upcoming wedding. Can you stay at a hotel or motel, just so you aren't trapped in an awkward situation?

  See if you can work out some strategies to avoid awkwardness on the day of the wedding, like showing up at the facility just before it starts, and sitting some ways away from your mother. Greet the bride and groom outside the facility, and if you have some siblings on your side (not the bride and groom) see if they can run interference to keep mom busy during the reception.

  This kind of zealot might not be able to contain herself from making a scene at the wedding. You want to make sure the wedding is about he bride and groom, not your m-i-l's latest obsession.
• 

  funkyderek

  New light for you:

  I'm not going to be able to talk to you anymore

  Don't let anybody say this to you. She is choosing not to talk to you; she is not unable to choose otherwise. Do what you can to force her to acknowledge that her shunning you is an act of free will. The least she can do when behaving so reprehensibly is to take responsibility for her own actions.
• 

  undercover

  It would take a lot of work but I'd love to see someone chronicle all the threads that cite experiences like this into a kind of "worst of" thread.

  When you hear one or two of these experiences, some people may tend to defend the JWs as saying that it was an extreme situation or someone who was going overboard. But for as long as I've been on this board, every few days a new experience is shared where people have gone through similar ordeals as "new light" has. And everytime it reinforces my opinion that the JW religion is a cult.

  Sorry you had to go through that new light, but remember...your M-I-L made the choice, not you. You handled it well, reinforcing your love for family. If she chooses to cut you out of her life, then it's her loss.
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  Scully

  I would draw a line in the sand regarding the kids.

  If she's allowed to visit them and talk to them, she's going to consider it her mission to have your kids become JWs. Mr Scully and I decided with our JW relatives that if they were going to shun us (and they do - they don't phone or visit or even send email) then they were not going to have access to our children.

  When you allow people to shun you but give them access to your kids, it sends a message to the children that you are doing something wrong and that the shunners are correct to shun you. It devalues your parental authority. If you give allow someone who shuns you to have access to your children, you no longer have control over what is being taught to your children about your choices and lifestyle by the people who are shunning you. Shunning is a loud-and-clear signal that your MIL disrespects you and your husband as human beings. The choice to shun is hers, but you have to make her understand equally loud-and-clear that you feel that shunning is disrespectful of you and if she chooses to engage in shunning, there will be consequences. She will not be allowed to shun you and then have full access to the grandchildren, because that would teach the children that it is ok to disrespect you.

  My children have all learned why we don't see their grandparents. They know it is because the grandparents have chosen to shun us. They know that our family is a package deal - when they disrespect one of us, they lost all of us.
• 

  justhuman

  It is shame how JW's are treating their family members. When they left their religion to become JW's most of their family members speaks to them, and they don't really mess with them. They invite them in family reunions, family parties, weddings, anniversaries and other occasions.

  When we decided that we cannot accept WT as "God's Representative on earth", our life has been destroyed by WT's policy of shunning. I was there for 6 years as innactive, because I didn't wanted to brake my family, or hurt my elderly parents.I talked to no one about my doubts only once I told my ex-wife that I no longer believe that the WT is the true religion. As a result I was turned in by my wife to the elders for apostasy. I got way before 6 years but 2 years ago, I was turned again to the elders,like I was the most filthy person in this plannet. I just couldn't stand them anymore, and I wrote a 3page letter for questions I had regarding WT and I wanted answers. The only answer I got was my disfellowship.

  It shame because JW's have double standarts. When they are leaving their religion to become JW's they are expecting from everyone to respect their decision. Plus they are becoming religious foundamentalists, trying to convert their relatives and friends to their new WT faith. If they do not join them they consider them not worthy, and Armageddon is the only solution for the "unbelievers".

  All we are saying to the WT Crap Society is to follow the "golden rule"set by Jesus.

  When a JW leaves WT and joins other religion, or starts to practice "babylon habits" they treat the person like trush. We all know the gossip that exists in the WT world for those who are leaving WT

  When a JW leaves he might loose the job if the boss is JW, most of the times we will have a broken home(like me)because the "faithfull"member will feel that its faith is under threat,by the non believer

  WT thinks that owns our childern when we just want them to show them the other side of the coin, and even uses lies in court in order for the "faithfull"not to loose the custody of the kids(future slaves in the WT Company)We are not allowed to talk to anyone, even to our family members, and we are banned for lifetime,cut from our family and friends for ever. The WT calls our pain and suffering "act of Christian Love" and "Biblical principles"

  When we are trying to scream from the pain WT causes us, by talking to the media, WT claims that they are persecuted by the "evil apostates"v

  At least you have your husband with you and you are lucky. Many others are completely alone in this cult fight, and many of us have lost everything
• 

  kitten whiskers

  Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you have to experience this. It is the worst that they can throw at you. Just remember you aren't alone, and this is a great place to go to realize it. My mom did the same. It stabs your heart, which is exactly what the controlling jerks at Bethel want to do to you. They use family and fear to maintain control of people. But you are stronger than their tactics. I totally agree that you need to emphasize that it is her decision. I told my mom just because I don't believe what they say doesn't mean I don't love God, or that I've left him. That's a lie when they use such a blanket statement. God knows my heart. Stand your ground. Don't be afraid. After 4 months, we had to visit for father-in-law's heart surgery. We stayed with my grandma (my father and both my grandma's are the only ones in our immediate families not jws). Grandma invited my parents for dinner and lo and behold all of a sudden my mother tells me she has decided she can talk to me now. ???????????????what??????????? I just accepted it and didn't push. Not quite 8 months later she tries to tell me again that she can't talk to us. So I laid it on the line. If I'm not good enough to talk to during the good times, why is it okay to call and ask for help during the bad? The Society won't take care of you when you are old. The congregation will say to have your children care for you. At that time it will be okay for you to talk to me. I don't think so. I'm not going to live like that. Your grandchildren are growing up fast. Do you want to miss all the joy of their lives? I won't put up with your phone conversations like last time. When I would call dad and the kids would talk to him, you would grab the phone to talk to them without talking to me. If you think God's going to kill me, then you know he's killing the kids too because they fall under our judgment. I don't believe that. My children love God dearly. And on and on. I stood my ground and didn't let respect for my mother make me silent on the injustice or wrongfulness of the Society and their views. Combat their convictions with your own. I think my mother was surprised. It's kind of like when you were out in service and met a true Southern Baptist at the door. They could go toe to toe with you for 45 minutes or more and you came away frustrated that anyone else could have convictions as strong as yours. Made you think a little. That is what I try to impart. I don't doubt my decision. I don't let you tell me if I am good enough. It hurts and I cried and cried and got depressed and upset. We aren't made of steel. But you can do it. You have to clear the way for you and the children. She made her choices and did what she thought best. Now it's your turn. You have the right to feel like the adult you are and make your own decisions. It was such a freeing feeling when I made my own decisions on what I believe and feel about things. Enough babble from me. I wish you the best and a happy heart. I hope she realizes what an idiotic pawn she is being in the Watchtower's game of loyalty. It isn't what Jesus would want her do. It isn't Christian at all.
• 

  Gregor

  This new book info sounds like the WT is addressing the "fading" loophole. In fact, they may have realized this strategy to avoid shunning by lurking here where it is discussed a lot.

  Your family visit should be quite interesting. Ain't life grand!
• 

  changeling

  1- ((((((((((((((((((newlight))))))))))))))))))))))))

  2-I agree with scully. If she's going to take this harsh stand she forfeits rights to be a true grandmother to your kids. If you let her see them it sends them the message that grandma is right in shunning you.

  3-When my parents go to the meeting Sunday, I'm going in their room to find that book to see just what it says.

  changeling
• 

  cab1000

  Scully,

  Your post hit home to me. I had no problem letting the kids go see the JW family. Now, after looking at it like you stated in your post, I can see how this sends a message, and not a good one.

  My (12 year old) Daughter really loves her trips to see the family though. They are loaded and she always has a great time. So, I am kind of torn, because while I agree with you, taking her yearly trip away would hurt her. We always take the time to explain our position, and the (junk) reasons why they act the way they do. We have two younger children, whom have not had the experience of the JW side, and we can keep it that way for them.

  Too Bad...
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  Not Feeling It

  what new book are they referring to? I don't like finding or reading this kind of material unless I think it will impact my family. I was given a few new books but I haven't read them. I also find there is room for interpretation on this depending on your congregation or the level of extremity of the believer.
  
  regardless you situation is sad. sorry to hear your MIL is one of the loonies.