When I learned from the Bible that pigs are demonized I went right to the freezer and pulled out all my pork. I invited my old worldly buddies over because I didn't wanna involve my new brothers and sisters. We threw it all on the barbeque unthawed but stoked the flames with beer. When it was thoroughly cooked (trichinosis) we yanked it off the fire and tossed it into the hugest pot I had been able to find.
The only way we could figure to dispose of this hated flesh was to eat it. So we did. It would be painful so we brought out another case of beer to wash the sacrificial offering down ...
We all had horrible gutaches that night - from some angry, ingested demons, I imagine - but at least I was doing God's will. It was a good witness to my chums. They said call them any time. I may get those ruffians to the hall yet.
EPILOGUE
There's gossip going around the congregations that Brother and Sister Goodnessakes have a freezer full of pork.
I better remind them of that Bible story and see if they'll let me and my buddies help them out.
[With all due respect and thanks to the demon-in-plastic fellow!]