Anyone have any 'Too close for comfort' moments with an elder ? (ladies)

by billie jean 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  billie jean

  Yet again im writing something ive never mentioned to anyone.

  Has anyone ever felt that an elder was perhaps 'coming on' to them ? i remember three specific occasions where i was alone with these three elders in my congregation on seperate occasions and it just didnt feel right. one where i was told i was "very attractive" and various other things he'd said made me nervous about my appearance, another where an elder took me to his car after a meeting in a dark car park and seemed to ask too many private questions and another time one of the elders who i thought always had his arms around young sisters too much took me to the 'back room' and sat far too close to me again references about my "attractive face" and other strange compliments. was it my overactive young mind (20) or where my suspicions correct that some of these men are perhaps maybe seeing how far they can get ? i dont know ......
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  Mickey mouse

  Yes, this happened to me. There was an "over friendly" elder in my congregation too. He did it under the guise of being a "father figure" but looking back I can't understand why he was so intent on being a "father figure" only to females and to females who already had fathers at that.

  I remember feeling very uncomfortable when he insisted on having a prolonged chat alone in his car. He made inappropriate remarks often about my appearance and was physically overfamiliar. That all stopped once I was married.
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  mrsjones5

  but looking back I can't understand why he was so intent on being a "father figure" only to females and to females who already had fathers at that.

  What do you mean you don't understand? The man was trying to get it rocks off and that was his modus operandi - "I'll be your daddy little girl" *insert lear here*

  From my experience and what I have gleamed from this board some men within the congregations try and do to take advantage of unaware, uninformed, and naive young ladies, this was and is a common occurance in among the jws. They are no different from the world.
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  ataloa

  It didn't happen to me, but imagining that anyone would have to 'do it' with any of them gives me the creeps. I'd feel sorry for their wives if they weren't just evil.
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  jamiebowers

  A ms described to me in great detail the reason why he lked the shape of my butt. He went on to say how he always made sure to sit behind me, so he could look at my rear when I stood up during the song and how he loved to watch me walk away. Aside from being creepy, it was annoying, because from the time I was little, people always said I had a pretty face. Guess he was an ass man, and he was also a married man with 5 kids. I heard just recently that he was made an elder and removed, because he was saying weird things to lots of people--it probably wasn't all sexual, because IMO he was creepy all around. Wonder what he'd think of my butt now, since it's much older and fatter!
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  billie jean

  I guess that proves that they are just like any other men then.
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  excito-are

  Ye, I hated it when elders made a pass at me.

  Excito
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  Dagney

  Yes.

  The worse though when I was a teenager, and fatherless. It took me years to recognize that abuse, and how opportunistic they were. Their actions and the distrust I had drove me right out into the "world" for relationships. I am thankful it turned out as it did; it could have gone another ugly way.
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  mrsjones5

  Oh I would have loved to have been the fly on that wall
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  Aculama

  Recently a young woman ( 20 years old ) became very depressed and looked to me for counsil. She had walked in on her dad while he was looking at porn on the web. This embarrased and provoked him and he became increasingly abusive over time. This led to the break up of the family and a lot of bitterness. The young woman then had problems on her job as well. She had fallen into a downward spiral of depression and suicidal thought.

  When she came to me she was very vulnerable and broken down. For a short time it apeared that her feelings for me might be headed in the wrong direction. Had she run into a selfish, lustful, man like the ones described in this forum the results could have been devistating. These type of preditors must be exposed. Shine the light on them, root them out, tell everyone that you know of who knows them what they did. Even if they don't believe you they may be cautious around them from then on. These devils actually get involved in religious organizations just to find vulnerable young people to prey upon. Even if they just flirted, it is a breach of trust if a person has authority over you. It is spiritual abuse.